You are not being irrational and you shouldn't be surprised it pisses you off. The explanation, in two parts:
Part One: Under the banner of machismo, we the people have learned "rough in bed" is cool. Male biology fortified with our constructed gender roles have made certain of this. Men pull and whip a woman close to them, they grab a woman's hand, throw her back and slap a kiss on her lips. Dudes will tear a bra off and start hard sucking a boob. Dudes will tear a skirt off a girl and start fingering her. During sex they'll usually captain the ride: doing the majority of thrusting, carrying, and heavy lifting. Look at any movie, Fraternity Handbooks, Apes in the lowlands or just about all pornography we consume. Are these all ideal places to learn and imitate sexual behavior? Nope, but it's sure as shit out there.
As such, many guys push a woman's head down to initiate oral sex. In the heat of passion, it seems like the most direct and erotic way to get the job done. I am man hear me blow. It's "manlier" than stopping and asking politely, "sexier" than writing a note or texting the request to the woman. The problem is, while it is more primal (and we like to believe that primal equals natural equals good) it's also inherently aggressive and controlling. In a safe environment it's not a bad thing to exercise such power-play and control -- that's the stuff of dynamic sex -- but in many contexts, the pre-head head pushing is ugly and wrong.
Part Two: It's a Pavlovian response to the expectation of getting your bone wet. For men, oral sex shares much of the same mechanics and motion as sex-sex. We, like other animals, hump and thrust away involuntarily during sex and oral sex. It's impulsive. The "face pushing becomes" a seamless intro step to the actual act. The dude, in exactly zero words is saying, "I want you to do that thing with your mouth to my penis, the thing that makes my crotch and lower torso automatically thrust into you -- just like I'm doing now to your head."
So there it is. Is it a guy thing? Yeah? Does it have to be? No, it should (and can be) context specific behavior if you speak up. As the great Bill Hicks said "Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs." Next time your boyfriend starts in on you with the head pushing monkey-business, tell him to chill-out if you're not feeling it. Encourage him to use words, just like we learned back in nursery school.
"Now, Bobby if you want your pee-pee to be sucked, just ask"
"Now, Bobby if you want your pee-pee to be sucked, just ask" (uncontrollable laugh) A little communication would help. If he knew you were eager to, but he is “blowing” his own blowjob…, he would beg you to tie his hands to the bedpost. Talk to him…, then tie him up. (evil laugh)
I agree with silkysly, using some handcuffs or other kind of less "agressive" hand tying device could be useful, like a scarf or a neck tie. Maybe you could try taking control of the situation, by blinding him and tying him down, but choosing a non agressive approach, which would simultaneously serve as message that you're not looking for domination. Once you're down there, take your time, don't go for the deep throat approach immediately, and most of all, don't give up: if he thrusts, pull back a little; if he tries to use his hands, gently brush them off. Teach him about self-control by being in control of yourself.
Just tell him, not during but beforehand, that yes, you're very interested in it, but no it's not going to happen if he treats you like a whore in one of his porn films. And that you'll go there when you want to, not when you're told to.
Also, make it clear that it would have happened by now if he hadn't been so sexually rude to you.
That should be enough of an incentive!
I personally LOVE when my bf pushes my head down BUT if you haven't gone down there yet, he should not be forcing you. Some women like it rough and forceful but a man should always gage the vibe and interest of the woman before doing that.He is probably just extra eager and wanting to dominate you and also could think you're into that.
I agree with Joana. Try having a conversation with him before you engage in anything sexual because he will never know how you're feeling and that you are actually interested. If you're a bit on the shy side, just say you'd rather your head not be pushed and you'd like it to be natural.
Also, you don't have to use handcuffs or a tie if you don't feel comfortable being that aggressive. Instead, surprise him when you two are not in the act! Maybe he is watching tv..Start unzipping his jeans, gently play with it in your hands, put your hair to the side or up(that will let him know you're ready to go there!!) and just start exploring at your pace. Since it will be the first time you're down there...He will love every part of it especially that you took the initiative. If you feel at any point he is reaching for your head, just grab his hands and pin them down a little and that will let him know YOU are in control. And down the line, you MAY end up wanting your head pushed down. But start communicating and showing him how you'd want things done!
I personally LOVE when my bf pushes my head down BUT if you haven't gone down there yet, he should not be forcing you. Some women like it rough and forceful but a man should always gage the vibe and interest of the woman before doing that.He is probably just extra eager and wanting to dominate you and also could think you're into that. Try having a conversation with him before you engage in anything sexual because he will never know how you're feeling and that you are actually interested. If you're a bit on the shy side, just say you'd rather your head not be pushed and you'd like it to be natural.
Also, you don't have to use handcuffs or a tie if you don't feel comfortable being that aggressive. Instead, surprise him when you two are not in the act! Maybe he is watching tv..Start unzipping his jeans, gently play with it in your hands, put your hair to the side or up(that will let him know you're ready to go there!!) and just start exploring at your pace. Since it will be the first time you're down there...He will love every part of it especially that you took the initiative. If you feel at any point he is reaching for your head, just grab his hands and pin them down a little and that will let him know YOU are in control. And down the line, you MAY end up wanting your head pushed down. But start communicating and showing him how you'd want things done!
I personally LOVE when my bf pushes my head down BUT if you haven't gone down there yet, he should not be forcing you. Some women like it rough and forceful but a man should always gage the vibe and interest of the woman before doing that.He is probably just extra eager and wanting to dominate you and also could think you're into that. Try having a conversation with him before you engage in anything sexual because he will never know how you're feeling and that you are actually interested. If you're a bit on the shy side, just say you'd rather your head not be pushed and you'd like it to be natural.
Also, you don't have to use handcuffs or a tie if you don't feel comfortable being that aggressive. Instead, surprise him when you two are not in the act! Maybe he is watching tv..Start unzipping his jeans, gently play with it in your hands, put your hair to the side or up(that will let him know you're ready to go there!!) and just start exploring at your pace. Since it will be the first time you're down there...He will love every part of it especially that you took the initiative. If you feel at any point he is reaching for your head, just grab his hands and pin them down a little and that will let him know YOU are in control. And down the line, you MAY end up wanting your head pushed down. But start communicating and showing him how you'd want things done!
OOPS! I thought the sight wasn't working because my computer froze. Sorry all!
I love a triple post! (no worries, it happens to all of us)
Simple. You absolutely have to talk to him about this ASAP. Otherwise it will keep upsetting you until one day you just snap, and yell at him and he will be hurt. Don't worry, just ask him to be more gentle.
Just don't start giving him a blow job every day or every time you see him. He'll start taking you for granted.
Eh, I don't get Madison's advice, sorry. Giving head or having sex does not automatically equal being taken for granted. >_> I don't know how to put this nicely, but that advice is straight from the same century in which women were adviced to lay in the bed like dead fish so the husband wouldn't bother them with sex.
One thing you could do is just take a hold of his manhood with your other hand. That way you get a little control of how deep he goes.
TELL HIM YOU WILL DO IT WHEN YOU'RE DAMN WELL GOOD AND READY, AND THAT'S THAT.
Sorry for yelling, but I just do not understand how this behaviour is tolerated. Does he know you've never done it before? Then he should back the fuck off and let you set your own pace. Does he know you want to try it? Then that means that if your lips aren't already on his dick, you aren't really down for it at this particular moment. By pushing you, he is trying to force you into a sexual act that you don't want. There's a word for that, and it rhymes with "grape" with one less letter.
Tell him that you want to, but you never have before, do you have to call the shots. Tell him you don't like your head being pushed (that should really be all he needs to hear). If he pushes you again, you will push him- out the door, and possibly into a police vehicle, because what he's doing is abusive.
Funny Guy, you are letting this db off way too easily. Don't give me that "he can't help it, it's in male biology" bs. What he's doing is not okay.