Here's the thing about people: we can be picky and unrealistic. Anything can be a deal-breaker. Even "glamorous conditions" like being too cute or smart can turn people off. More importantly, our unique blend of baggage or less-than-perfectly-easy parts have to come up at some point in a relationship. My advice is to not stow away that baggage for too long.
Here's why:
It will be on your mind all the time, and you will find yourself at minimum white lying around things.
It will suggest to you and him it's worth hiding.
It supposes his reaction.
Having a chronic illness is "a thing," but it doesn't have to be "A Thing." It also, in part, has made you the you you are today. Perhaps more compassionate, thoughtful, educated, Carpe Diem-y. The very reasons this guy likes you may stem in part from you having Crohn's.
In terms of timetable, all can say is make it a Tuesday before lunch.
Obviously it's on a case by case basis. As soon as you feel this relationship has legs, and as soon as you recognize in your (challenged) gut that this someone cares about you and you him, spill the beans.
We all come with a set of instructions: "I don't open easily." "I snore." "I have PTSD." "I have Crohn's, and it flares up sometimes and this what it means..."
You will find someone that digs you and your manual: Crohn's is not so much your deal-breaker as it is a deal-maker.
If it helps, I think most people have some sort of health condition - at least most I know do. It might be chron's or a thyroid condition, it might just be anxiety or the occasional panic attack. Most of us assume we're the only one with a condition because people tend not to talk about them but realizing that I think helps dealing with it. I know two people (both happen to be chron's) and its a hard disease to live with, but I think it is part of what makes both of those guys terrific boyfriends. They are more understanding and compassionate because of having to deal with it. I'd wait until either you have to tell them (ie you get really sick) or you are more serious and start spending a lot of time together. It's not something you need to declare on a first date, or that you need to hide/be ashamed of. I'd tell them on the same time frame you'd tell a good friend. It'll be less of a big deal than you think. (That is unless you managed to find a shallow jerk but it is honestly better to find that out better now).
Can somebody kick the ass out of this spammer?
Done. Sometimes they slip through the net.
Thanks! :)
I'm really glad you answered this, and I'm also glad someone went ahead and asked it. I had a similar question, but I was afraid of asking it.
I had the same question too! I have Crohn's also. I decided to tell my now ex-boyfriend about it after 4 months, and I don't tell anyone but family and friends. Not because I'm ashamed, but I don't like pity parties or questions.. Needless to say, he dumped me, but while dating, he was sort of nice about it when I had stomach aches. At least enough to tell me he had aspirin downstairs.
If you're worried about it being a deal-breaker, I'd be concerned about the kind of guys you date! I have my own chronic condition (PCOS), and it impacts a lot of things. I may not bring it up on the first date, but it's definitely a conversation I'd have early on. Anyone who would make it an issue isn't someone I want to be with anyway.
I agree w/ Lizzy. I have PCOS, have had colon cancer, & SUPPOSEDLY Diverticulitis (waiting for final results) BUT, I have been up front w/ the men I have dated about it all. I've had a few guys tell me they couldn't handle if the cancer came back, or if I were sick. But most of the guys I am friends w/ or the guy I want to be w/ is going to be caring & understanding about it. I didn't ask for anything I have been given. We ALL have something we deal w/ we don't like, if he's going to judge you on it, or have 2nd thoughts about you b/c of it, then he isn't worth you or your time anyway.
Any guy who's going to judge you negatively for this health issue is not worth your time. I wish you the best of luck!
I have epilepsy and was diagnosed last year. Because of it, I temporarily can't drive (until I prove my seizures are medication controlled). I don't, though, feel sorry for myself. I take care of myself, and do everything I can to manage my illness. Being 42, it can be a turn off on the dating scene, but I always tell the man within the first few communications (if we meet online) and tell them I can't drive, but will be able to by the end of the summer. If it freaks them out, it gives them a chance to run without hurting my feelings. I can't change it, so I just tell them and get it over with so it doesn't appear like I'm hiding anything. For the most part, it hasn't stopped men from dating me, so I guess I can't complain!