Yeah, dozens. It could be his sister's, his mom's, his cleaning lady's...a hairpin alone is not enough to convict him. Now, that "not-seeing-him" thing...that seems a bit weirder.
If he hasn't gotten in contact at all, I'd actually see if any of his friends have seen him, whether he's regularly updating his Facebook, etc. You're right, a vanishing act is not a good sign in a relationship, but it can be for a number of reasons.
Personally, if he's staying in touch, he's just not around, I'd want to know what was up myself. The next time you see him, ask him and see what he says. Just don't rush into a decision based on, well, not much.
Go smell his pillows. My friend’s (now ex) bf change the sheets, but not the pillow cases after his fling & they reek of another girl’s perfume. She also left ‘her’ trash in the waste basket. Some women are shady & leave things behind on purpose. I’m sure HE didn’t set that up there for you to find.
OUCH....
Take a deep breath and ask. It's better to talk things out first before coming to a conclusion.
Geez, it's a hairpin. Everyone calm down. I have randomly found a womens sock in my laundry, I do laundry at home, and it wasn't my fiances. Still have no idea where it came from. When I lived at home my brothers crap would be all over my room for whatever reason and no girl ever jumped to the conclusion of me sleeping around with a man. Just because it is a females item does not mean it came from a mistress. It could even be an item from a friends place he accidentally pocketed and put on his desk/table to remind himself to return it. I have done that a handful of times. Just ask him, if he is evasive, something odd is going on. If there is a reasonable explanation then accept it and move on.
Yeah, but you have to admit, it's a little fishy. And like RP said, it wouldn't be that weird if it wasn't coupled with his little vanishing act. I would be suspicious as hell.
And just curious: you said you were living at home when all your brother's stuff was all over the place, right? That's a little different than if you lived alone and a guy's stuff started popping up everywhere.
And one more thing: why on Earth would he "accidentally pocket" a hairpin?
I'm sorry, but I'm siding with the original asker here. Ask him, or course, before assuming the worst. But if he stalls or stutters when answering, I'd be very, very concerned.
I'd like to note that in the question she says "Is there any scenario here where he didn't blatantly fuck around while I WAS AWAY?" So from that I take it she was the one who was gone, not him. She also does not state that they haven't talked at all during that time etc. A lot of assumptions are being made.
I am not saying he is not fooling around. But really? As a man I find it terrifying that one random hairpin on a desk immediately leads to a girlfriend ,and obviously other women, being sure that a guy is screwing around. It's the equivalent of being told that no matter how hard you work or how much effort you put in, you will always be watched at work because you like Yanni or something. Some ridiculous assumption people will make about a person based on inconsequential information. Every time I see this kind of thing I just want to say "Leave him, not because he is screwing around even though he might be, but because you will never be able to trust him with other women or even anything that includes women in any way."
As a cop, trusting my partner on the road is incredibly important. I have gone through four partners in two years because I could not trust them. My partner now is the kind of person I would let take care of my daughter without a second thought, my partner also happens to be a women. If I can't trust her and something happens, my daughter might not have a father anymore. Same thing applies to a romantic relationship, no-one will die if trust is not there, but it will cause pain and anguish that I am sure we all felt. Let us all be adults and try to work out our problems and find answers and solutions before assuming our partners are messing around.
That being said, if he is messing around, then he deserves whatever fate throws his way.
"It could even be an item from a friends place he accidentally pocketed and put on his desk/table to remind himself to return it. I have done that a handful of times."
Have you ever "accidentally" shoplifted then?
I'm pretty sure this is not a thing. Not once have I ever just picked up something that wasn't mine and stuck it in my pocket or bag just because. Who does that?
I am not saying he picked up the item itself with the singular purpose of taking it. I am saying that some times when at friends places your stuff and theirs can get mixed up. We frequently have game nights with friends and sometimes people put stuff on the table and forget about it and I will find it later, this does include earrings and hairpins along with other things. Someone even left their watch with some of the stuff and called me later that night to see if I had it. He could have had friends over and found it in the couch as one of his friends lost it. My fiance misplaces hair ties and clips all the time, now she just buys really cheap ones.
Point is, to find a hair pin and immediately say that he is screwing around or even that it is likely is just wrong. That assumption is just as ridiculous to make as me saying he could have accidentally pocketed it. There are dozens of possibilities, only reason to know the actual story is to ask.
Just ask what's going on before jumping to conclusions. I found out my guy had a dating profile on a site, he hasn't used it for years but when I saw it I asked him about it and he explained it to me right away no hesitation after any question I asked and he listened me out til the end when I talked.
So if he listens, doesn't take more than a moment to reply (just to make sure you didn't need to catch your breath to talk/ask a bit more) and the reason he gives seems very possible on this earth then it should be ok. Just try to remain calm and not let emotions overwhelm when you start the convo about it, otherwise they'll take over and you may not get to discuss anything you wanted to have cleared up.
But if the reason seems very sketchy for his lifestyle and what not that you know about him then keep asking questions, if he gets and stays on the defensive, tries to change subject as quick as possible or starts asking why you go through his things then I'd say he's hiding something.
I hope it all works out for the best!
Could be an ex's? My bf still had small inane things of his ex, that he had just forgotten about or randomly found later. Maybe he had a friend over who brought a girlfriend, the hairpin fell out and he found it thinking it was yours. OR, he had a girl over. Ask him, but don't assume.