You asked a while back about the fights in the lead up to heading for basic, didn't you? Well, I have a soft spot for folk heading into boot, and the ones they leave behind, so ...
Bit of explanation for you, first, so you have some idea of what he is going through.
Most movies are full of crap about basic, and indeed about war.
Turning civs into soldiers is not an easy task to do, or go through. Absolutely everyone has a hard time, though some hide it better than others. Basic is designed to be rough, both physically and emotionally, because war is hard on you, body and soul.
It's the whole "rebuilding your entire outlook on life and your self image" while being totally physically exhausted. The feeling, and fear, of giving up your hard won mental independance to follow orders is painful, and more of a shock than the physical aspects of basic.
You don't, as he will find out, you simply change your perspective to a soldier's one. A man, or woman, who still thinks, is responsible for their own actions and the actions of others, but who knows when it is time to argue and when to just act as ordered.
What to do:
At the moment, just keep cheering him up whenever you speak to him. He will get through it, and you have the faith that he will. That you trust him and love him and miss him. That you are so proud of him.
Keep reminding him of that. Love, trust, faith and pride. That is so important.
Once he gets the address, you write. Every single day. No missing a day. No exceptions. And pen and paper writing too. Give him something he can pull out of his pack or locker and re-read over and over again. Some things are limited at times, like phone calls and e-mail for him, but mail call is still sacred, last I looked. And those letters are one of the few things that will keep him going and keep him sane.
And one negative warning. Pictures are good, but be careful. Him looking at you or his friends having fun really will really make him feel like hell. Everyone knows, intellectually, that life goes on while they are away, but actually seeing it hurts. So be careful what pictures you send, and ask your friends to be careful what pictures they put up on FB for a while.
From me to him, if he reads this, from another guy who has been there:
Your instructors are not sadists, mate - well, not often - but men and women with one duty and one duty only. To make you into the best person you can possibly be.
Not some mindless robot, but a proud, self confident person who looks out for his mates more than himself. Who knows teamwork and responsibility, not as concepts to be talked about, but intimately as part of daily life. Basic is designed to get you on your way there as fast as possible. Accept the challenge. Yes, it is hard. All worthwhile things are. You will succeed.
thank you.
I spent 20+ years as a Navy spouse, and I give this answer two thumbs up! Nicely done, sir.
I didnt send this one, but i did send the other one, but thanks i was about to ask a question like this and it helps.
Ah, I wasn't sure, I didn't page back to check the name. How's he getting on?
And how are you getting on?
He hasn't been able to send me a letter yet, and I'm ok just trying not to dwell to much about it. Right now 4 months seems a long way away lol.
Mystery Man,
So thoughtful and introspective of you to write this. And to write a message to her guy from a guy who has been there.
I've been in her shoes somewhat, and it's tough to know how to "be" with a guy in that place. Thanks for showing the way. I know her guy is learning to protect my freedoms, so you helping him helps me too in some way.
Way to go.
And to the question asker, Great job finding ways to support your guy and be there for him through this tough time. He made a big decision, and now he's actually following through on his word. He's being a stand up guy. My props to you, and my thanks to him. :)
Anyone who has the courage to stand up and join the forces - yes, even the taxi drivers in the navy - gets my respect and attention.
WOW! That’s well put, MM. Both of my sons served; Army & Navy. I absolutely respect those that protect me from all that goes bump in the night. I wrote every day like you said, but I also added the outside world. I scanned ESPN for the latest sports news. I then cut/pasted, very in small font & printed it front/back side of the paper & sent the info along in my letters. That was a blessing to them because they had no idea what was going outside of basics. My youngest said I was “the knees bees” for sending it with my letters. He shared the info with all his buddies who couldn’t wait for “my” letters. Cute, huh?
Sports is good. Really good. Mea culpa, I am not a huge sports fan, so missed that.
Add that to your letters too.
And PS.
You are one hell of a Mom. You raised boys to be honest, honorable and willing to make a difference - and sent the letters that make the difference for them.
Sometimes words just don't do justice to it.
My hat is off to you.
My hat goes off to you MM. i have been reading this blog for sometime and never comment. but i have to say over the last few months since you have become more active we've been able to see many sides of you. Not only are you a man made of honesty, you are one who is willing to share the bad, the good and acknowledge those who deserve praise. I commend you on sharing your personal struggles and mantras on how to get through what we call life. I know many GS followers tell you how much they love and appreciate you (which i agree with), but i wanted to tell you... thank you. Thank you for taking the time to make all of our lives a little clearer while you live through yours. You are wonderful.
Thanks MM, you put a smile on my face. I'm a VERY proud mom of two great guys! As for the original letter…, after basics, your soldier will be just a text message away. (there's an app for that ya know)
I'm sending good vibes to both of you, just be his support system no matter what. Long distance relationships isn't easy but it's worth it. I'm in one for almost a year now, he is in the army and currently in the middle east doing what he does best. It is always tough in the beginning but you will get through the first month of missing him terribly. Stay strong girl!
and for Mystery Man, thanks for a great answer. It is very insightful and heart felt, it helped me undestand my guy more.
My hat goes off to you MM. i have been reading this blog for sometime and never comment. but i have to say over the last few months since you have become more active we've been able to see many sides of you. Not only are you a man made of honesty, you are one who is willing to share the bad, the good and acknowledge those who deserve praise. I commend you on sharing your personal struggles and mantras on how to get through what we call life. I know many GS followers tell you how much they love and appreciate you, but i wanted to tell you... thank you. Thank you for taking the time to make all of our lives a little clearer while you live through yours. You are wonderful.
As the better half of an Air Force officer, I thank you for this post.
To the questioner: Just love and support him. Be considerate of him and know that he misses his life and you. Send LOTS AND LOTS of letters when you get the address! They're the best medicine. And when he comes back to you, do something super fun if you can.
thank you for such a great blog. Where else could anyone get that kind of information written in such a perfect way? I have a presentation that I am presently working on, and I have been on the look out for such info.