I don't think you should ask him. I know you are curious, but it's really not your business, and it has no bearing on how you feel about him, does it?
If he's living in a foster home, then something has gone wrong with his family and home. His parent(s) are either unable or unwilling to care for him, or the state has removed him from an abusive or neglectful situation. I've known kids in foster care whose parents were in jail, or drug addicts, or would disappear for days and the kids would have to fend for themselves. One high school friend was in a foster home because her mother killed her father and was sentenced to life in prison.
My point is, whatever the reason, it's intensely personal and upsetting and embarrassing to him. I'm sure you want to know because you care about him and want to help, but you're both very young. He's still sorting out his feelings, and you're not yet fully equipped to help him. That's not to say you can't help him, but at 13, your emotional resources are limited.
I wouldn't press the issue. He'll tell you his story when he's ready. Until then, I recommend just leaving it alone. When he does tell you, the best thing you can do is listen.
It's usually a good general rule to not ask probing questions about things that could be too private and offend the other party. As someone with a complicated family situation, I can say: leave it alone until he tells you. And he will! But don't ask and he'll appreciate how much respect you are showing him.
Yes, exactly. Thanks for the comment, Stevie.
Excellent response, Cary.
I understand what you're saying Cary and appreciate that you answered it appropriately for a 13 year old. Since she doesn't have years of experience, there is another side to things she should consider. When I was married, my husband and I took in a couple friends that were going through a tough time. The husband had a son from a previous relationship and they had a 2 year old son in common. Prior to them moving in with us, the older son became abusive to the step-mom (she was very petite and the boy was about the same size as her). One night, he even threatened her with a butcher knife. Needless to say, he had some very traumatic issues he was dealing with and it wasn't being handled effectively. It got to a point though that regardless the amount of therapy he went through, his dad felt that for the safety of the rest of the family, he had no choice but to relinquish his parental rights and the son ended up in the system, in a group home. Now, I don't agree with that decision necessarily, but that was the decision his parent made. So, since our question asker doesn't know why her boyfriend is in the group home, I think she does have the right to some information. He could be perfectly fine and polite around her usually, but if another side comes out, it could be detrimental to her safety.
Of course, there is a right way and a wrong way to go about asking him why he's there. I'm not very good with tact, so I don't know the exact words to use. Maybe somebody could help me out with that part. But, I would make sure to tell him that you care about him, want what's best for him, but you're kinda curious about what led to him living at the foster home. Let him know he can tell you as much or as little as he wants, but you hope he trusts you enough to be able to talk about it.
Good luck!
A bad kid isn't gonna to come out and say "Hey, I beat up my mom, stay away from me" to a girl he likes and whom he wants to like him. He's gonna come up with some excuse or some way to blame his parents either way. I agree with Cary that asking the guy to confess before he's ready can do nothing but harm to the budding puppy love/friendship. If the guy's a nasty/dangerous guy, her instincts (and her family) will tell her fairly quickly.
It's important, for her, to not use his bad family situation as an excuse for any bad or unstable behavior towards her, though. I mean, maybe it can explain some behavior, but she shouldn't just excuse it away and let him treat her badly.
Why are 13 year olds even dating?
I had my first serious boyfriend at the age of 12. Thats not that odd...
Hum, let me see: cuddling, kissing, holding hands, experimenting something new, peer pressure, sharing some love... Sprinkle it all with hormons and voilà!
I had my first french kiss when I was 12. I was curious, wanted to know how it felt, what it was like. And the boy was such a cutie, which is actually more than enough when you are 12.
I wasn't mature enough personnally and didn't enjoy it that much, but a lot of the other girls my age were way more emmotionnally mature than I was. So 13 is not that surprising, really. And having a boyfriend at that age can be much more innocent for some people than my own experience.
My boyfriends in a foster hom he got in there when we started dating his dad was addicted on drugs and he would dissapeer for a couple of days his mom dose not want him nor his 3 brothers this is very hard on me i'm 15 and he is 16 we have been dating for 6 months i cant talk to him because the group home wont let him what should i do?