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Sorry to be explicit, but I can't get him to orgasm! Never had this problem before. I know it affects things, but...how much? Is this a real dealbreaker or is it okay that, except for the occasional pang of guilt, I'm not about to kill myself over it?

I wouldn't even feel guilty, provided your man luh-vah isn't self-conscious or frustrated about it.

Let's flip the situation: women are famously complicated when it comes to trying to give them The Righteous O. It's like every woman has her own sexual PIN number that each guy has to figure out. It takes patience, communication, and commitment. Quitters never win. It can take weeks or even months to discover exactly how she needs it. Sometimes, she doesn't even know exactly what it takes. But oh the rewards, especially when the dude finds out that three strokes there, a pinch here, and a pillow under her butt is all it takes to make sunbeams and rainbows shine out of her secret lady place.

Of course, not everyone is the same. I've been with women who can get off so easily, all it takes is a rakish wink at their clitoris. And not all men are permanent fifteen year olds: stress, a drink or two, or a kinky little trick they're embarrassed to share can stand between them and being able to pop the cork. Human sexual response is not an exact science. For some people, an orgasm isn't even the most important part of the process. There are men and women who enjoy the journey more than the destination.

If it gets to the point where it's wounding your ego, or becoming an issue in the sack, I would first recommend not making a big deal about it. I would then do something very simple: watch a porno with him. Study how he gets aroused, and more importantly, what he does once that has happened. Like a Scientist of Love, observe him pleasuring himself. Get an idea as to what it is that really turns him on, explore his rhythms, learn how he does the job.

I've given similar advice to men concerned about not being able to bring their women to climax. If anything, it's a good, healthy start.

Besides, guilt is a waste of time.

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5 Comments

Mannon

It could be stress, nervousness, or anything really. It's also a really common side effect of anti-depressants and anxiety medications. In any case, it's doubtful that it's anything you're doing (or not doing), although the advice above is an excellent place to start.
I've had it happen before; usually the first time I'm with a woman I won't be able to release, and it was a real problem when I was on anxiety meds. Talk to him about it, be understanding.. it's probably as frustrating and embarrassing for him! Don't give up though, sooner or later you'll be able to make it happen.

grayeyeddame

I dated a guy once I couldn't even get an erection out of with fellatio... talk about wounded lol but finally realized it just wasn't his thing and let it go... and as for myself it wasn't until I was 21 that I had my first internal orgasm, and it is still a difficult thing to acheive but that doesn't stop me from enjoying sex... I like the closeness more than anything, add a few steamy/sloppy kisses and some eye contact now and then, teeth here, hair pulling there and I'm in ecstacy anyway

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It can also be that he's really, really afraid of pregnancy. I've had guy friends tell me that it's hard for them to let go because they're so nervous about it. Talking to him about that also may help and reassuring him that you're on the same page.

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How long have you guys been intimate ? If it's a new relationship, he could be intimidated or nervous. It could also be a side effect of some meds that he could be taking. My boyfriend felt comfortable enough to tell me that so we just got creative in how we approached sex so that is was pleasurable for both of us. There may be a few times when he knows he won't be able to finish but it really just makes me want to try to help him out even more :) You may have to help him out manually, orally, with some lube or even with porn. The fun part is that he lasts longer than most guys probably do !

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I have to say that for the past couple of hours i have been hooked by the impressive posts on this blog. Keep up the wonderful work.

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