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Mystery Man

 
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The advice I get on finding a relationship seems contradictory. First, they tell me that I need to put myself out there. So I joined match and went on dates, but nothing came of them. Now the SAME friends tell me that I'm trying too hard and it will come when I least expect it. Which approach do you think is best?

Everyone thinks they know best about finding a relationship, and gets a little obsessive about what worked for them. But, reading between the lines, your friends are right, with both sets of comments.

Match, or OKcupid, or any of a thousand other dating sites do work, sometimes poorly, sometimes very well indeed. One of my friends has been very happily married for several years to a girl he met on Match, after I stole the love of his life from him (long story). But stop expecting to meet "the one" on the very first date!

Just have fun. Enjoy the dates. You got a time limit here? A "have a boyfriend by Christmas or else you get disinherited" thing? Stop smelling of desperation, a stench that puts off guys worse than Chanel Number 5. Relax, for god's sake.

Go on the dates, be yourself, without the needy panic, and see where they go. You might be surprised.

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7 Comments

user-pic

I agree fully that both are true...I did the whole online dating thing for about a year and actually started seeing a wonderful guy, but then I switched jobs and then out of the blue the love of my life showed up at the place I worked! I was looking in a totally different direction...

I always hated the whole "you'll meet him when you least expect it" thing, but it was semi true...

Your story will be yours...just do yourself a favor and don't sell yourself short...hang in there until lightening strikes...you'll know when it does and it'll be the best thing you've ever experienced!

Mystery Man

One of the best things about this job, apart from the whole helping people by being mean to them thing, is reading the comments. There is a lot of wisdom, a ton of compassion, and a huge number of good tales from you good folk.

Jlove

MM you have become much nicer and compassionate in the past few weeks. I wonder if the old MM was fired and a new guy came in, because you were silent for a few weeks, and now all of a sudden are posting multiple times a days. Or if you were yelled at by the editors to step your game up.(This is just me, writing/thinking aloud).

I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks for changing or thanks to whatever/whoever happened to make you into the MM we see today.

Edy

I second that emotion.

Mystery Man

Oh, I am still nasty enough. Maybe a little on the tired side. That slows down my offensiveness!

The multiple posts - yeah, I should go back to doing the usual one per day, but I owe a few days still. The wizened raisin that serves as my soul gets unhappy at me if I don't keep my word.

user-pic

Excusez moi monsieur - etez vous fou!!! :) What is wrong with Chanel No5?? P.s I third that emotion.

No

Agreed. I've been floored at how wise, helpful, and compassionate some of his most recent answers have been.

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