What would the guy you like knowing that you like him ruin exactly? Him not knowing whether you like him? The non-relationship you currently share?
Listen girls, this is exactly the kind of thing that sabotages relationships before they even begin. You like a guy, and your plan for snagging him is to never let him know that you like him? I'm sure that there's some kind of complex feminine logic that makes that make sense, but to guys, that's the sort of reasoning that makes us roll our eyes at each other and say "women" like 50's sitcom characters.
If this guy finds out you like him, he may respond by distancing himself from you or letting you know he's not interested. If he does, it's not because he knows you like him, it's because he's not into you. That would have been true if he never found out you were interested or if you showed up at his house in nothing but body glitter. If he's going to pass, he's going to pass, and not saying anything just delays the inevitable.
My suspicion is that the only thing this will "ruin" is the idea that he MIGHT like you. You're scared to find out whether he does or doesn't, and part of you would rather linger in the mystery and drama a while longer. No one likes to get their heart stepped on. That or you just want to break the news to him on your own terms.
Whatever the reasoning, my advice would be: if you like a guy, let him know. Soon. Because any day now he could fall for your best friend or that buddy of his could tell him before you get the chance (and yes, we do gossip amongst ourselves just as much as you girls, albeit with more shoulder punching and farts). 'Tis better to have loved and lost, seize the day, you go girl, etc. Life is pain...go get some. If you don't, you'll regret it forever.
So cowgirl up and make a move, because actually, the fact that his friend is asking you on his behalf is a good sign he's probably interested. Think about it...what guy spontaneously asks a girl if she's into his friend without provocation? You're either putting out strong enough signals that everyone knows you're interested, or the guy you like asked his friend to get the skinny.
Or, the third possibility is that his friend is into you, and trying to figure you out just as hard as you're trying to figure out his friend. Ah, the romantic triangle; breaking hearts and inspiring crappy music since time out of mind.
I think what's going through girls' heads in situations like this might be: I want to see if HE likes ME enough to make the first move. If he finds out I like him, maybe he'll think, "Sure, whatever, why not," and then in whatever resulting relationship I'm a pathetic adoring puppy.
I'm not sure how old this girl is, but I know that in high school I told a guy (who I'd been into for years) that I liked him - knowing that he might nicely reject me - and he basically said, "Well, sure, why not, let's give it a shot." At the time I was ecstatic, but after a couple months I realized what was going on and broke it off. Needless to say, I felt like a complete idiot and wasted a lot of time and emotional energy.
Being the first one to admit that you like the other person puts them in a position of power, and not everyone is considerate/sensitive enough to do the right thing. That's scary.
Given how very high school this sounds (or early college, if my kid sister's current dramas are any indication), I would bet anything he is into her. He's trying to get the green light by proxy, because that's just how high school boys do.
I have no sage words to contribute other than "green light by proxy" should be a band name.
And maybe you (the question asker) should let the guy know you like him. I was super shy about that in high school (letting a guy know I liked him) but instead of living in the pining-away drama that chicks tend to create, just spill them beans. You'll find out sooner or later if he feels the same. And with 2012 just around the corner, wouldn't you want to relish time with him while you can?
It shouldn't matter who speaks up first. If you like somebody, put a move on them! If you're going to wait around to find out whether they like you back first, you'd better settle in for a long wait. Men especially can be retardedly oblivious to women's subtle hints, and more than that, you might not even be on the radar until he gets to know you a little.
Either way, the longer you wait and do nothing, the better the chances of somebody else stepping up and taking the prize.
I did this. It's stupid, a massive waste of time, and in the end he's gonna get a girlfriend whilst you wait around for him to notice you.
I'm not bitter :)
I disagree. I dont want a boy who's either a pussy who's too scared to ask me out or one who's on the fence and is taking his time. Guys asking girls out is expected, but a girl asking a guy out can come off as desperate sometimes. Guys love the chase, if they think you're too eager then it comes off as unattrative, for whatever reason lol.
If a guy's friend that I liked came and asked me that question I would answer, "well, the only way he'll know is if he asks me out. If I say yes, then I do, if i say no then I dont" nonchallantly. That way the ball is in his court!
That's laziness. That's why nothing will ever change, because girls always sit and expect boys to do all the work and then bitch about how they dun have equal rights later. Girls should just have the gall to ask a guy out on her own terms. Makes the playing ground more equal. By always leaving it to the guys, it's easy as hell to have the endless, stupid drama that us girls seem to enjoy wrapping ourselves in. Why I have no damn clue, I sure as hell don't do it. I do it myself, even if I'm rejected, least I know I tried.
I'd say if you're too much of a coward to say anything yourself, then expect to lose him to someone who IS brave enough to put her heart on the line and at least TRY. A boy in the dark isn't a pussy and I'm sure if he did like her, he would make an effort as well. But, as the saying goes, relationships are TWO WAY streets. No any one person should have to do all the work at any given time. That's just what I think
I'm not saying I agree with the societal standards that men ask women out, I'm just aknowledging them. I dont bitch about equal right either by the way. Plus, I dont really see how who does the asking out has anything to do with equal rights- we're not talking about who pays for a date or anything.
Its not that I'm scared of asking guys out- I just know that if he hasn't made and feelings for me known then he probably doesnt have them for me. I'm just realistic. Those games that women pay usualy revolve around women not knowing if they like him back.. and really, if he likes the girl it will be easy to see but they;re just really hoping he likes them so they stick around being confused---ded done this myself.
I myself am not attracted to guys who lack confidence. I pretty much only go for alpha males, so if they dont make a move then thats my answer.
What if the friend acts jealous about it, and makes pointed comments to try to get you to admit that you like his friend. This is sort of happening to me. I made friends with him first, got to know one of his best friends, began crushing on said best friend, other friend found out, asked me point blank if I liked ----- and when I said yes, was like, "well he doesn't like you back, he thinks of you like a little sister and I know because I told him you liked him and he said so!" That was two years ago, now I'm crushing on the same guy again and my friend is fishing for info again and I'm afraid to admit my interest because I'm afraid of sabotage. Although I'm also afraid that if I deny it he'll pass along that I'm not interested to my crush. What to do?
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