No, you don't have to friend her. While it's good for your own sake to let the past be the past, there's no reason why you need to be Facebook friends with someone who was awful to you. You have no obligation to be Internet friends with someone from grade school anyway, let alone someone who bullied you and caused you to drop out of that school. Sure, she was a kid, and maybe there were factors (family troubles, insecurity) that lead to her bullying you. But that doesn't excuse the fact that she terrorized you. Plenty of kids have rough childhoods and don't take it out on their classmates. Some kids are just jerks.
Facebook is this weird equalizer which people who treated you like dirt in the past think they can use as an olive branch. (Think about all the kids who are cyber-bullied these days via Facebook. In 20 years, those bullies will be trying to add them on whatever Facebook is in 2031.) If you have bad memories of this person, there's no reason to have her in your life. Maybe if she writes you and apologizes for how she treated you, says that she was an unhappy kid and made mistakes, and hopes that you could forgive her and get to know her as an adult, then perhaps you consider approving her. But if it's just a random friend request with no "Hi, how are you?" message, feel free to hit the "ignore" or "block" button. Of course, there's a chance she doesn't remember the bullying. But if you'd rather not reopen old wounds, better to just ignore the friend request. The person who once pushed you in the playground doesn't need or deserve to be privy to your status updates.
Facebook is this weird equalizer which people who treated you like dirt in the past think they can use as an olive branch. (Think about all the kids who are cyber-bullied these days via Facebook. In 20 years, those bullies will be trying to add them on whatever Facebook is in 2031.) If you have bad memories of this person, there's no reason to have her in your life. Maybe if she writes you and apologizes for how she treated you, says that she was an unhappy kid and made mistakes, and hopes that you could forgive her and get to know her as an adult, then perhaps you consider approving her. But if it's just a random friend request with no "Hi, how are you?" message, feel free to hit the "ignore" or "block" button. Of course, there's a chance she doesn't remember the bullying. But if you'd rather not reopen old wounds, better to just ignore the friend request. The person who once pushed you in the playground doesn't need or deserve to be privy to your status updates.
Nick, you hit it spot on. I was a victim of horrific behavior by a group of girls from 1st thru 12th grade. I couldn't wait to get out of high school so I could get away from them. Flash forward 15 years and I get a friend request from one of the biggest offenders. I ignored it. I got a second one. I ignored it. With the third request, I got a heartfelt message, explaining that time had given her perspective, because her son was the victim of bullies. Since then, that girl has been a VERY supportive facebook friend. Have I forgotten what she did? No, and I never will. But sometimes it helps to forgive and move on. It's up to you.
Hell to the no...
If said bully did what Kim said and offered a true and sincere apology then maybe. But I was a victim of bullies much like Kim. I'll most likely never add them on Facebook - and they haven't asked
- Side note: One of them ended up working for me for about 3 days 15 years ago... it was awesome. I rode him hard enough he quit. I shouldn't have, I should have been the bigger person, but I wasn't. And it felt great.
This happened to me a few years ago. This guy who literally led me to self harm... suddenly friend requested me. In the few seconds I saw it, I felt anger, stress, pain and sadness... most most of all I realised I had grown and really didn't need him and what he was for me in my life.
Sure compassion and pardoning people's past faults are good, but do you really need this in your life? I didn't. Life is far too short to remember the past that hurt you.
I actually study history... but what history shows you is that you should learn from the past... but you don't need to dress up like Elizabeth the first and right the Spanish Armada.
This girl probably doesn't remember what she did to you, because unlike you, it didn't mark her past. If you are happy in your life right now, leave it. :-)
Choosing to keep your distance is by no means holding a grudge. It is protecting yourself from bringing up an extremely painful past you have moved on from. You can feel empowered by ignoring this person's unnecessary request for Facebook "friendship".
There's nothing wrong with ignoring her request. It's Facebook, not real life--and it's not like you're actively being mean to her.
Like one of the Guys said a few days ago: isn't it great that Facebook doesn't tell you when your friend request was ignored?
There is nothing wrong with not friending her. I would feel tempted to write her and tell her what a jerk she was though! I've thought about this with someone who friended me, but didn't.
You definitely don't have to accept her friend request. I would feel tempted to send her a message letting her know what a @*#$! she was though....