I have a question for you: Why do you want to be with a guy who hides the fact that you're dating? You're a smart PHD student who, by your own account, is fighting guys off with a stick. Why do you want to be with some stoner who treats you like garbage? You need to get some self-respect. (Oh my God. I've turned into Tyra.)
Why is he hiding the relationship? Could be he's seeing someone else. That would be my first guess. I can't imagine why else some go-nowhere stoner wouldn't want to flaunt his hot, brainy girlfriend for all the world to see. I see a lot of comments around here about guys being intimidated by intellectual women, which is completely ridiculous. No decent guy would ever be embarrassed to be with a smart, motivated woman. You're going to make him look better by association. We love looking better by association.
You shouldn't be with anyone who isn't singing your praises to everyone he meets. He should literally stand on a mountain and shout, "[Insert name here] gives me the warm fuzzies and I want the world to know it!" He should spam his friends and coworkers with a weekly email newsletter listing all the awesome things about you. Or at the very least, he should want to be seen with you in public.
I think this is more of a self-respect issue. Clearly his jerk-ass behavior is only making you want him more. Hey, it happens. Opposites attract, so I can see why you might have been drawn to "The Dude" despite the fact that you're both in completely different places. But you should examine why you really want to be with him. Is it the fact that he treats you like crap? You're confused by his behavior ("Everyone else wants me. Why not him?") and that is only making him more attractive. But you are smarter than that. You're not a confused teenager anymore. (No offense to the confused teenagers out there. BIEBER 4 LIFE!) You seem plenty confident-- don't let this guy drag you down.
Confront him on his asshat behavior. Tell him that you guys are done if he doesn't stop hiding the relationship. Life is too short, and I can imagine you are way too busy to deal with this garbage. And, clearly, you've got options. Stop wasting your time and start R-E-S-P-E-C-T-ing yourself.
Why is he hiding the relationship? Could be he's seeing someone else. That would be my first guess. I can't imagine why else some go-nowhere stoner wouldn't want to flaunt his hot, brainy girlfriend for all the world to see. I see a lot of comments around here about guys being intimidated by intellectual women, which is completely ridiculous. No decent guy would ever be embarrassed to be with a smart, motivated woman. You're going to make him look better by association. We love looking better by association.
You shouldn't be with anyone who isn't singing your praises to everyone he meets. He should literally stand on a mountain and shout, "[Insert name here] gives me the warm fuzzies and I want the world to know it!" He should spam his friends and coworkers with a weekly email newsletter listing all the awesome things about you. Or at the very least, he should want to be seen with you in public.
I think this is more of a self-respect issue. Clearly his jerk-ass behavior is only making you want him more. Hey, it happens. Opposites attract, so I can see why you might have been drawn to "The Dude" despite the fact that you're both in completely different places. But you should examine why you really want to be with him. Is it the fact that he treats you like crap? You're confused by his behavior ("Everyone else wants me. Why not him?") and that is only making him more attractive. But you are smarter than that. You're not a confused teenager anymore. (No offense to the confused teenagers out there. BIEBER 4 LIFE!) You seem plenty confident-- don't let this guy drag you down.
Confront him on his asshat behavior. Tell him that you guys are done if he doesn't stop hiding the relationship. Life is too short, and I can imagine you are way too busy to deal with this garbage. And, clearly, you've got options. Stop wasting your time and start R-E-S-P-E-C-T-ing yourself.
lmao@ BIEBER4LIFE
Nick, you're awesome!
But in my experience, once the guy finds out how smart I am, I get dropped like a hot potato. Not that I'm any kind of genius, but a lot of them are old-school in that they want to be superior to the woman in every way. This isn't always a bad thing, but they seem to think, "I am Man. If my Woman is smarter than me, then she'll leave me for someone better." It kind of sucks.
It makes the pickings a lot slimmer.
Me too! I'm in college and I've never dated any guy i've met in my class.EVER. Its parties or clubs or through friends. Its not that I raise my hands like crazy and advertise, but when we study and I know everything they get intimidated. I can tell. Its not really that guys dont like smart girls, they are just scared! Men *claim* they want smart women...... but actions speak louder than words to me. I'm hoping in law school I meet some men who aren't afraid of me, til then I'm just going to keep dating older men...
Exactly! I haven't dated anyone in three years now, for several reasons including frequent moving while trying to find a job etc. etc. But I can tell you I've been on a few dates, and it doesn't help when the guy inevitably asks what I do. The conversation usually goes like this:
Guy: So what do you do?
Miss M: I am a Museum Director.
Guy: Oh really? How do you get a job like that?
Miss M: Lots of internships, love of history, and a college education.
Guy: How long were you in college?
Miss M: Seven years. I have a Masters degree.
Guy: Ah.
Cue me NEVER hearing from that guy again. I'm not screaming from the rooftops that I have a brain, but I've gotten to the point where I dread the "What do you do?" question because it leads to the guy getting intimidated by me and my education. Several family members have told me to lie about having a graduate degree, but I refuse to do that because I have just enough pride in my academic acheivements that I refuse to play dumb. Guys for some reason have a really hard time handling this. I have the sinking feeling that this is going to be an ongoing problem for us girls, since fewer men are going to college now than women.
Wow, just wow. Museum director with a Masters???
You're the fantasy woman for 90% of the guys I know. I know guys that would line up to be your man slave (assuming you aren't 900 lbs with a face "only a mother could love" and shoot, that wouldn't stop a couple of them...)
Every time I see comments like these on this site my brain explodes. I must be hanging with the "wrong" crowds or something. All the guys I know find out a girl is smart and turn into mindless love zombies.
If you walked into a room full of my single friends and started talking quantum theory, none of the other girls in the room would stand a chance.
Apparently, all you smart ladies gotta move to Northern California...I jest, because I can't stand this place, but seriously, what is wrong with the rest of this country?
Dude, i LIVE in NORCAL! Bay area! Well, im in college in socal... but ya. Guys ***SAY** they want a smart girl... but they DONT want a girl smarter than them. That's the bottom line. One of my ex's got insecure after i assembled IKEA furniture faster than him, seriously. They just dont want a girl who can beat them, in any sense. For me, I'm a really bubbly, friendly person so i dont have trouble chatting and getting men to ask me out.. ... but I seriously wait as long as possible to hide my education. Usually the guys who are fine with it are really passive, and that's not what i want in a partner. I want a go-getter kind of man like myself, with confidence and ambition...and so its frustrating to not be attracted to the few pool or guys that are into smart chicks (which by the way was my actual nickname in someone's phone, "smart chick" I'm like I gotta tone that down or he wont call!).
IKEA furniture. LOL awesome!
Love the furniture, hate the store (but only because large crowds of people I don't know and circling a parking lot to find a spot bother me). So easy to put those things together.
I will admit I do know guys like that, but generally they're the insecure types anyway that need to grow up a little, but hey, it's gotta be my crowd since there are so many posts by women that do have this problem. I am, admittedly, a bit weird...
hahah guys in socal want boring generic girls. i know what you mean.
Great answer...BEIBER4LIFE ROFL..
As a confused teenager, I can say BIEBER4LIFE(!), indeed.
You made my day, Nick. Thanks.
Am I the only one who gets slightly annoyed by all the, "Oh em gee I'm so smart and attractive my life is so hard!" comments? I mean, maybe it's true, but girls who are convinced that the only reason they can't get a guy is because they're just TOO GOOD really rub me the wrong way.
I don't think that girls think they're "too good," I think they're frustrated because guys are socialized to do most things better than women, and then here's this woman who can do it better than him and BOOM! His testicles explode or something.
I'm no supermodel, but whenever I can do something better than a man, 90% of the time he's a lightning streak and I never hear from him again. I know this is not the only reason, but it's a big chunk of it, and if they're really honest, they'll say so. A few of them have said it to my face.
Maybe I should make a trip to NoCal on my to-do list. *grin*
This was a great answer and I needed it right now. I have been attracted lately to this pot smoker myself. In my case though, he is an engineering major, a smart, dedicated one. I know I shouldn't be interested but I still am.
Luckily, spending time with him makes me angry (not that it happens often - he has no interest in me, even as just a friend). Hearing him talk about weed, friends going to jail, and just anything like that disgusts me. Unfortunately, a big part of that disgust is with myself for even liking someone like that.
I refuse to sell myself short or settle for anything less than I deserve. And while he might have potential, you have to take people for what they are right now.
Lol did anyone click on where it said The dude?
@ Mellissa.
Maybe you need to examine your own reasoning as to why pot is bad rather than why the guy you're attracted to is bad for smoking it.
I'm a vegan, but I don't find my boyfriend to be disgusting because he eats meat, talks about grilling and how awesome the cinnamon-crusted tenderloin was the other night (he loves food).
I have my reasons for not eating meat and they are my own. If you have your reasons for disliking pot, why do you try and force it upon others? You are turning a guy into a "bad," "disgusting," person because of a personal preference, and then telling yourself that it's okay to call a smart, dedicated, grounded, and goal-oriented man that he's not good enough for you.
Just a thought. Smoking pot does different things to different people. Who are you to judge?
Alright, I'm gonna go ahead and throw my own two cents in.
I would like to ask all of the women here to please stop using encompassing terms in order to stereotype groups of people based upon gender.
Have any of you considered that perhaps it is not your positive traits that drive them away, but other traits that simply make you not interesting to them? Certainly, some men may be self-conscious, but so can some women... a little humility may be called for, here.
It might also be worth noting that you shouldn't be talking about yourself an entire date. I get this feeling that's what a lot of you do, which is... well, that just makes you sound like a selfish git, imo.
*waves* Peace.