That's lame. He never pays for you? Fail.
Call me old-fashioned. I think the guy should pay more often, at least in the beginning of the relationship. If at some point a couple agrees to go Dutch on everything, that's fair, but you aren't even going Dutch if you sometimes pick up the full tab and he never (?) does.
"He has a lot of bills." No kidding. Who doesn't?! If he's that strapped, maybe he shouldn't be dating. Or he should at least save up for his dates like I did in high school and college so I didn't have to mooch off my dates. He could also have you over to his new house and cook for you if money is that tight. There are ways to be generous that have nothing to do with money. Have a little dignity, man.
As dating offenses go, being a cheapskate isn't the worst thing, but it's not okay if it bothers you. It bothers me not just that he's cheap, but that he doesn't seem the least bit interested in finding other ways to keep you from paying so much if he's really that tight.
Should you be worried? No, you should just stop paying all the time. If he can't pull his weight, he needs to stay home and eat ramen alone.
Thanks for the question.
Honestly, that's just lame. My boyfriend of nearly a year, still insists on paying for every outing. I can barely get him to agree to let me buy him coffee...and he is currently paying his own way through his university, his rent and all sorts of other expenses....so money being tight is no excuse....at least not all that time.
In the same boat. :/ And not only do I pay for almost all of our dates, but he borrows money for gas and cigarettes too. He has more bills and things than I do, but we have the same job so it's not like I make more (a bit less actually). I'm getting real tired of it.
Tell him you can't afford him, then hit EJECT.
I go by income percentages. My guy used to make 4x what I did...and while he insisted on always paying I found other ways of showing up. Baking things for him to take home, researching stuff for him on-line, eventually as our relationship progressed cleaning and cooking for him. Now I have more income (he makes 2x as much) and try to pay comparativly but he usually won't let me. So when I do take him out I splurge.
Most folks with more income have more bills. But seriously, if he can't afford to at least treat you when you have treated him that is lame. Cooking at home for you would be a date to remember.
I have the same issue. I pay for dates, give him money for food and buy him the things he wants. I don't have a ton of bills to worry about but I make a lot less than he does. I have to sacrifice the things I want to get for myself so I can have money for him in case he needs it. We have been dating for over 4yrs and this has been going on for over a year. I don't want to say anything because I don't want to hurt him.
You shouldn't have to say anything at all. It should be obvious to someone who cares about you that you're struggling to juggle it all. If you want your relationship to last, you need to do something about it---speak up or stop buying him things. If you don't, you're going to end up resenting him in the long run. It's not healthy.
There is no way I would pay for anyone to be my boyfriend. If this guy has all of these bills because he bought a house, to me that's a red flag. For me it signals that he maybe in over his head. I believe in going dutch because I don't want I guy to throw it in my face that he pays for everything. If he insisted on paying I would return the favor by baking or cooking for him. If there is one thing no one can say about me is that I am cheap. Name2 please get rid of that guy. You seem to have a good heart and that guy is just using you.
i went into the similiar position, i am a generous person, but it happened that i used to pay for him and he said it clearly (i was very good when i was paying upon myself and him and then things changed i am not as good as i was before). when i invite him he never asks to return the money, In our tradition the guy is the one who pay for the girl and it is a dignity matter if he allows her to pay for him, We used to share some dish, once he told me (i shall buy a dish for me and you eat from it), we were engaged, he told me once when i was upset from the situation i am doing a lot for you i am taking you to cinema. and he has 3* my salary, he has a very good salary, and he always complains he does not have money, he argues over pennies to pay for me. i stayed with him cause i was hopeful he might change.
i was a good heart person and he was using me ... this is true.
He is out of my life now for good - a blessing.
Wow girls if they dont care more about you, you should. There are great guys that will give you the world, even if its hot dogs and candles! you just have to get away from the looser's so he can find you. Invest in yourself!! just sayun i would rather be on my own and pay for a massage ;)
Wow I can't believe so many of you are saying you give your boyfriends money for cigarettes, gas, and other things they want?? That is the sadest thing I've ever heard. I would never put up with that. If a boyfriend asked me for money, id seriously consider dumping his ass. I mean he's borrowing money from you for random crap now, if you married the guy it would only get worse..have some self respect ladies and dump those boys. And I say boys because a real man wouldn't mooch of his girlfriend for cigarette money.
I totally agree, that's beyond pathetic.
I would say this man is a professional thief. Dump him now without second thought. He will not pay you the money you loan. I hope you have receipts because he will be saying he don't owe you anything. If you should ever get pregnant now consider yourself a single mom. This man have no love or care for you. He is the meaning of selfish. You deserve the best so stop allow yourself to be played.
went into the similiar position, i am a generous person, but it happened that i used to pay for him and he said it clearly (i was very good when i was paying upon myself and him and then things changed i am not as good as i was before). when i invite him he never asks to return the money, In our tradition the guy is the one who pay for the girl and it is a dignity matter if he allows her to pay for him, We used to share some dish, once he told me (i shall buy a dish for me and you eat from it), we were engaged, he told me once when i was upset from the situation i am doing a lot for you i am taking you to cinema. and he has 3* my salary, he has a very good salary, and he always complains he does not have money, he argues over pennies to pay for me. i stayed with him cause i was hopeful he might change.
i was a good heart person and he was using me ... this is true.
He is out of my life now for good - a blessing.
have a nice day
What if it's not a boyfriend but a husband? I've been married to my husband for years and it's more than 10 years now that his salary is just enough for him. I can still manage because I have a job, so I get to pay for most of the bills. We don't even date anymore, and if we do, it's usually my treat. He is still not doing any move to improve his career. Any advice, Mr Wise Ass...should I still stay with him?
The biggest problem is why aren't your finances tied together?? Your pay checks should be going into the same account, you should both be putting money towards retirement and all that as well. No one should be the one paying, it should be mutual decisions. Tie your accounts together and see how you feel then.
Mention to him casually your grievance, and make sure to not make a big deal about it! Suggest alternating who buys. My bf and I do that (mainly because I feel bad if he pays all the time...which he likes to) and it makes it feel more like we are both putting in the same.
If that doesn't work, try conveniently "forgetting" your wallet or debit card at home a few times...then maybe he'll get the hint ;)
Sorry to burst the bubble here, but is it such a bad thing to pay for yourself? Granted, he should certainly pay sometimes, but he doesn't need to pay all the time for every date. If you're old enough and dating that you have your own house, you should be able to carry your own weight, and if you like him, and he tells you that he can't afford to pay for things for you, you should be able to accept that.
If you can't deal with it, break up with him or talk about it. This seems like a lack of communication and build up of resentment to me. If you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be together.