Okay, so... if this guy is paying a professional dominatrix to spank him, tie him up, and discipline him, then I'm going to suggest you either learn to live with it or move on. If he's paying a dominatrix, then this isn't a romantic relationship. It's a monetary transaction. And he's never going to give this up. Dominatrices are far too often compared to prostitutes, which is the farthest thing from the truth. Some people need the release of stress that S&M affords. Plenty of people lead happy lives and have functional, faithful relationships while getting beaten by a professional in a dungeon on the side.
If you take this guy back, you have accept that he's probably going to come home one night with giant welts on his ass. So, either turn a blind eye, or slowly go mad with jealousy. But I will repeat: if he's paying money (and this kind of interactive theater ain't cheap) then it's not romantic. It's like a specialized variation on a strip club.
Now, if he's in a "relationship" with a top... if he has a mistress who he doesn't pay, who's getting her rocks polished by making him lick her boot... then that's something entirely different. At least in my opinion. It's very likely that neither he nor his mistress have sex or even kiss. But just the same, if she's getting something out of the situation besides coin, then I'd definitely draw the line.
I'll probably get napalmed in the comments for suggesting that you should tolerate your baby daddy's paddle lust. I have interviewed enough doms and subs to know that some subs just need a little thwack here and there. Apparently, it's very therapeutic.
Thanks John. This was my question. I cant prove they're having sex but my gut instincts tell me they are. I really don't think I'm being unreasonable in asking him to give that up. And he decided I wasn't worth it. He apparently loves her more. His loss. Thanks again
You're not being a bitch. He chose a woman over his son. Don't bother with him.
Thanks
that's a bit unfair without knowing the whole situation, just because they're not a "family" doesn't mean that he isn't there for his son. he might not be, but that wasn't said here. not choosing his ex is not the same as not choosing their son. and if he can't get what he needs from her/wouldn't be happy in the relationship, it would probably be worse for their son. watching miserable parents go through the motions of being a family might not be preferable to seperated parents who are happy and can share their happiness with you. He might not be there for his son, but this isn't a case of him choosing his dom over his son.
He sounds like a tool and Im sorry you had to go through that! Plus it just shows that if he wasnt even willing to give this woman up in the first place, that he would have gone back quickly to her if he had tried to give her up. And everytime you had a fight or whatnot you'd have to wonder if he was with her. You are MUCH better without him.
Hes not rally choosing a woman over his son! just because you had a kid with someone doesnt mean you have to be with that person. You broke up with them for a reason. Maybe he really likes this new girl!