It depends on the guy, honestly. Everybody was a virgin once, after all.
You'll probably get a range of reactions. Some guys will back off: they want somebody more experienced. Some guys will get way too excited and should be avoided because they're probably creepy in other respects too.
Most guys, though, will be OK with it, but likely uncertain about how to handle it. In the end, if you don't make a big deal out of it (and it's not a big deal), he won't either.
NOT TRUE, most guys freak out and want NOTHING to do with you. Guys are very sexual and want a woman who has had sex and knows exactly what to do because her sexuality appeals to them. HOwever, virgins are not very in tune with their sexuality yet and that scares or turns guys off COMPLETELY. I dont agree with you reform player, but my advice?
Get with someone who also is a virgin or has only had one partner, relationships works best when both individuals have almost the same level of sexual experience. Its okay to try and experiment but do it with someone just like you.
Good luck!
"Virgins are not very in tune with their sexuality yet."
Call me naive, or just, call me a virgin, but my lack of sexual experience has nothing to do with me being in tune or out of tune with my sexuality. Just because someone's a virgin doesn't meant they're an idiot. We have the resources to know the ins and outs of sex, most of us have enough sense to know what turns us on--just because we've never had sex doesn't mean we don't get turned on.
For the one who asked the question, I just say, inform yourself as much as possible about sex, true it's nothing compared to the real thing, but knowing what sex is really like will temper any unrealistic expectations you might have. And as far as going for someone who is just as unexperienced as you, if that floats your boat, go for it, but don't be intimidated to have sex with someone who has more experience under their belts than you do. Each sexual encounter you have anyway, with different people is going to be potentionally awkward anyway since no one really perfers the same thing, just don't think that your virginity is some horrible scarlet letter. Like RP said, everyone was a virgin once.
I think most guys would feel a little bit honored to be your first, but probably freaked out as well. Guys know how clingy girls can get once sex comes into the picture, and if it's your first time, it'll be about 1,000 times worse.
I don't agree with everything Melanie said, but I do agree with her advice to *try* to lose it to someone who is also pretty inexperienced. It'll be awkward sex, but at least it'll be awkward on both of your ends instead of just yours.
Find someone who treats you well and the rest will fall into place. Don't jump into the sack with just anyone for the sake of losing your virginity.
I think it DOES depend on the guy.
I think what the asker should look out (most important) is sharing her first time with someone who really respects her. Gaining sex is a huge step.
And you know, being a virgin doesn't necessarily mean you're totally clueless about sex. Virgins can be full of surprises too. ;)
In my experience guys have been okay with it, but I always made sure to be upfront about it, no 'tricking them' and telling them after they really like me. I also was confident and firm in it, if you act fearful of their reaction the predatory types RP mentioned will think they can wear you down, I basically told them I'm a virgin take it or leave it, I may be willing to change that at some point but I'm not sure when. I also totally disagree with Melanie that virgins are necessarily out of touch with their sexuality, I was pretty experienced in other aspects and probably had a equal if not sometimes higher sex drive than my partners. Just make sure you gain sex when YOU want to not because you feel pressured, you're afraid it will turn guys off, you're afraid he'll leave you. If that is ever the case, they are not someone you want to be with anyway.
i recently lost my virginity... early 20s... so another voice to add?
i was more just "waiting for the right guy", and to be completely honest, i was (and still am..) rather inexperienced... i tend to be self conscious and nervous...
but the guy i lost it to knew up front. he asked. and i told him. and he thought it was kinda cool (his words not mine lol)...
as the relationship progressed though... it was hard to set boundaries. there were sometimes that i wanted to jump his bones, and other times that we were just way too fast. if it hadnt have been for him though... would have gone crazy.
finally the virginity was gone, and as much research as i did, it was still nothing like i expected... maybe i was just realistic...
alcohol helps to calm EVERYONES nerves... he said he was pretty nervous too
moral of the story is trusting the guy... knowing that some guys WILL go running... some will make fun... but youll know when you have the right one.
alcohol helps to calm EVERYONES nerves... he said he was pretty nervous too ---> PLEASE DON'T DRINK THEN LOSE IT. I mean, the "party or just for the hell of it" kind of drinking.
TRUST is KEY. That and a whole lot of respect. ;)
well of course dont get drunk the first time and stumble through it.. im saying the second (and rest of the nights) a drink helped to ease up on the head games... no pun intended
I think people are making too big a deal out of the drink-part here. I was quite intoxicated the first time, this was purely chance though. Not that I thought: "I'm going to lose it tonight, let me get drunk first". But as it turned out I had a bit to drink and I lost my virginity later on. I don't regret it nor do I think that it would have been better had I been 100% sober.
As for the trust and respect: definitely important, I agree. But don't think that that only comes from a long and commited relationship. I think it's mostly intuitive, for me at any rate, all of my would-be one night stands made me feel comfortable and safe, which is how they became my sexual partners.
If at any moment you don't feel safe any more, just leave. I did this once: can't explain why but it did not feel right. So I pretended to check my phone and simply said "Oh my god, is it that late? I have to get up really early! I have to go!" He didn't believe me but I got to leave ;) Might have punctured his having sex that night but I did what was right for me. At worst, this way, he was dissapointed. If I'd stayed, who knows what would've happened.
I've heard that a glass or two of wine (depending on the couple's levels of alcohol tolerance - you want relaxed, not even really tipsy) is helpful for even the first time. Nervousness makes everything more uncomfortable both mentally and physically, so being loosened up is nice - but I would agree, that overdoing it isn't ideal.
Just because someone is experienced at sex, does NOT make them GOOD at sex. Don't be intimidated by someone's experience level. Virgins can be sexy too! haha
my guy was sort of pleased that I was a virgin, something about me choosing him as my first, nervous as hell too, he was so stressed/scared(though he tried to hide it) of hurting me, its rather cute to look back on 6 years later, though at the time I was probably more nervous as him!
We're the lucky few who had awesome first times. ;D
i told this guy i was a virgin, and he thought that it was hot, because, as he said, "its nicer b/c you haven't been w/ a ton of guys" idk if i should lose it to him though, hes super nice, and a breath of fresh air compared to my last guy (who was a player), but im 16 and hes 21. He respects my wishes and says that we'll go as far as I'm comfortable and we'll start out as friends and see where things go, but still. He also has a gf but they apparently have gotten together and then broken up a lot. what should i do?
He has a girlfriend? That's all you need to know. Do you want to be the other woman? Do you want to lose it as the other woman?
I told this guy I was a virgin, and he thought it was hot because I hadn't been with a ton of guys. I don't know if I should lose it to him though- he's a really nice guy and a huge change from my last guy (who was a player). He actually cares about things I have to say. He says we'll start out as friends and see where things go, and if I'm uncomfortable with anything, to let him know. The only problem I have is I'm 16 and he's 21, and he has a gf a yr. older than me who he has apparently gotten together with and then broken up a lot in the past and things just aren't the same. What should I do??
My ex and i dated 6 mon before I lost it to him. He was patient and really cool about the whole situation. He wasn't a virgin but he was probably nervous since he only lasted 2 sec. o well. If you think that you'll lose it to him let him know so that he will know sex is in the books but only at your pace. That way, there won't be any confusion or pressure.
If a guy does freak out then you're with the wrong guy.
If a guy does freak out then you're with the wrong guy.
If the guy you're with doesn't like it...then you're with the wrong guy
If the guy you're with doesn't like it...then you're with the wrong guy
I'd rather be with a girl I loved than some girl at a club.
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