I don't think that's a good idea. It's not weird or creepy as much as it is unfair to him.
You broke up with the guy. You told him you no longer wanted to be with him. Now, a year later, you want to interact with him again--maybe not in the same way as before, but what's the difference? I'm sure you do miss his friendship, and I'm sure he misses yours, but that's one of the costs of breaking up with someone, unfortunately.
He's had a year, which is just about enough time to get over you. I think it would be cruel of you to bark up his tree now--even just to say hi--and stir all that junk up again, especially since you don't even know what you want from the guy. You just can't yo-yo with people's feelings.
Your intentions sound reasonable, but I suspect they might be driven a bit by guilt. That's not a dig on you, just a gentle nudge to consider why you want to contact the guy. Who will it really benefit? I also think you will be disappointed in the results if you do contact him. At best, he will be aloof and uninterested; at worst, hostile.
I've said many times here on Guyspeak that I favor clean breaks, and there are lots of reasons for that. Breakups are messy, feelings get hurt, then time passes and hard feelings wear off and people want to think that they can pick things up right where they left off and be okay. They can't. Even if your guy agrees to be friends again, it won't be what you think it will be. It won't ever be like before. That ship has sailed.
Call me a pessimist, but I say let sleeping dogs lie. Not just for his sake, but for your own. It's over. Keep it that way.
Thanks for the question.
I just luv it when you "nudge". Great answer!
Thank you!
Yeah, I did this once and it didn't end well. Turns out he was interested in being friends after I contacted him, and I also met and started dating someone at the same time. Before long I felt guilty about dating someone and restarting a friendship with an ex at the same time. I told both my ex and my boyfriend what was happening and my boyfriend was uncomfortable and my ex was angry about me "not being able to maintain a friendship." It was a shitstorm, trust me. As much as you miss the old guy, there's a reason he's old, wait for the new. Even the little time I spent talking to my ex, I saw his patterns that drove me away to begin with start to emerge, I just recognized them quicker the second time. At this point I don't think he'd talk to me if he was dying and I was the only person on earth who had the medicine that could save his life. Still with the "new" boyfriend a year later. But yeah, there's one possible scenario for you.
I honestly believe in staying friends with my exes after the grieving/anger period is over.
However, this doesn't work all the time. There are exes I am still good
friends with, and exes with whom I only occasionally say hi to.
I think friendship after a breakup only works if the person who got dumped decides that they are ready and would like to friends with their ex again. When I try to start a friendship with guys I've dumped, they are either not ready, or resentful towards me, and the friendship didn't last. But when I was dumped, and a year or so later tried to be friends with the guys that dumped me, well that worked.
I agree with Lily. I'm still friends with one of my exes, and I'm ok with just being his friend
As it is popular in much of our culture today, having sex before marriage can effect this too. If you were itimate, say good bye to a "normal friendship" that you had before all the relationship emotional fooey.. the ship has sailed. I am still friends with my ex's and even without the sex in the relationship it is still not the same. That is a person you shared a deep connection with, felt feelings for, and obviously cared for. But there is a reason they are gone, though when we feel alone we start to go back to the happy moments we had with them... but remember the bad moments? He yells at you in public, or he hates your friends? Maybe the guy just has a strang habit that drives you up the wall and you couldn't get over. Just do not be clouded by time. You have had a good run, let bygons be bygons... and look to the future.
typical post-breakup woman behavior. truth be told wether you like or not or realize it or not all you are looking for is self affirmation from him. I see it all the time and has happened to me plenty, especially if the guy doesnt chase you post-breakup. your seeking to massage your ego by confirming if he still has feelings for you so you can validate your self worth.
the conversation on the girls end is usually a playful flirty attitude with huge amounts of indicators of interest and charm to lure the guy in and get him to say something like "i miss you". Once he takes the bait and falls for it and thinks hes making headway the girl usually feels good about herself and continues rationalzing the breakup and dissapears again. typical.
you broke up with him he has no interest most likely so leave him alone, im sure hes moved on to bigger and better things then to worry about you opping back into his life
Well about 2 years ago I started noticing the changes in her. Without reason or rhyme they just started happening. Well I tried to talk with her about things and I asked her why she was acting the way she was. Her response was to me was always I'm not acting strange im just tired from work. Ya, if I only knew then what I know now I would have look for Michael at that point to put a stop to things. He was having an affair with a co-worker, I later found out. Well, I actually found this out through confronting her over and over again as I had suspected it. She was just acting to out of normal and when she started spending less time with the kids, I drew a line there. I had to know what was going on. We got in a huge fight that night and she finally told me what was going on and left the house to go and be with Brian, her co-worker. This just tore a hole through our family. She actually just left the kids and me and walked out the door. My heart feel out of my chest and my stomach went in knots. I couldn't eat, sleep, or think straight. I had to take care of the kids, so I held the family together as best I could. I went to my preacher and told him what was happening in hopes that he could pray for us and hopefully get her back. After waiting 3 months I decided that it was not working and I searched out other alternative ways of getting her back and then i came accross Africa Voodoo which i seek a spell to get my ex back and in 3 days later she was back to me immediately. The emails is africa_voodoo@yahoo.com he is the only answer to your love problems