He can insist all he wants--it's not his child, it's yours! He has no right to insist on anything having to do with your children. You are the mother, the person responsible for your son's emotional health, and if your gut tells you it's too soon, then it's too soon. Period. That's all he needs to know.
You are right, by the way. Two months is too soon. Way too soon. Who does this guy think he is, telling you what to do with your child after two months of dating? To me that's a big red flag, not just because he's pushy, but also because he doesn't respect your wishes and obviously knows nothing about children (or just doesn't care).
Great guy? I'm not so sure. A great guy would be thinking about your and your son's emotional needs, not his own, and would defer to your maternal instincts. A great guy would say, "I would love to meet your son, but you know best what he needs, so I will just look forward to meeting him someday when you are ready."
Sounds to me like this dude wants to worm his way deeper into your life too quickly, and you need to ask yourself why. After only two months of dating, he should be focused on getting to know you, not meeting the family. Red flags everywhere. It's like hurricane season on the beach up in here.
Sorry if I'm bursting your bubble, but I know whereof I speak on this one. I grew up with a single parent who dated, and as a dad I know how crucial it is to protect your child's emotions--especially a child whose wounded heart is trying to heal from the loss of a parent.
You are right; he is wrong. You don't owe him any explanation beyond, "It's too soon." If he gets his feelings hurt by you being a good mother, too bad. If he dumps you over it, smile and wave goodbye.
Kids over boyfriends. Always.
Thanks for the question.
Absolutely right! Dump him.
yes! yes! and yes! alllllll what he said! he sounds way pushy. and, children or no children, i don't think you can tell a guy is a great guy in two months. i'm a single mom too, and dating, and he hasn't met my son yet and we've been dating since February. it's not that he hasn't earned it, but it's because my kid does not need another short term person in his life. and until the relationship is sealed as an exclusive or long term thing, it's just not happening. our last date we had to switch up a bit at the last minute because one of his sons was coming to visit unexpectedly, we both mutually discussed on the phone the best way to work around that as, it was just not time for that. i had no problem with that, and in fact, was a bit relieved i was dodging that bullet. case in point, i dated a guy a couple of years ago who was very quick to get me to meet his daughters, and i did when he sort of forced the circumstance on us when i was there one weekend. we had an absolutely lovely weekend and i fell in love with them too, but...he ended up being a total douchebag and i never saw any of them again. and his youngest daughter kept emailing and facebooking me to give her hair tips, and stuff like that and my heart just broke for her. i told him when we were having our "breakup" over the phone, you had NO BUSINESS introducing me to your children if you had no intention of following through. NO BUSINESS. how do you tell him? you just tell him. if he dumps you that's his problem, not yours. i don't know how old your son is, but if he is past the age of 3, what you do now he will remember and you are the connection he will use to establish his own relationshps later in life. he may not talk about it much now, but you are his prime and leading example. he may have lots of friends with single moms in his life down the road, some of them will have stories of revolving boyfriend doors with their moms, and some of them won't. to me, this decision is about choosing which one of those you want to be and safeguarding his already fractured vision of love. stick to your guns, mom, and good luck.
Ugh, that breaks my heart, the little girl sending you messages.
Listen to Cary. Please.
Bungee dads are no good for kids at all.
Thanks cary! This was my question. I took your advice and told him he was not meeting my son until I felt ready. He then threatened to "surprise" me at home and just meet aiden there. I told him that wasn't going to happen and that if he was going to threaten me, I was done with him. He got huffy and broke it off then but I really don't care anymore. My son is only two but he gets attached really quickly and I won't put him through heartache unnecessarily. Thanks for the advice.
i've seen a lot of guys behave that way because they think or feel that if they can impress him they will impress you faster, but they just dont get that it works the exact opposite. guys that have never been parents even moreso. you're both better off w/o that piece of...ugh.
Very happy to help, Ashlie. Thanks for asking me that particular question, as I have strong feelings about it.
Good for you for standing up to him! We have to protect our kids first and foremost. His immature reaction only confirms what we already suspected about him. Good riddance.
i know, right? what can ya do but pray for 'em i guess :(
oops sorry meant to put that under Cary's
SO TRUE.. I LEARNED THE HARD way... After not dating four yrs after my daughters' dad... I met this 24 yr old who I worked with when he was 16. I was 24. Anyway. We fell in love fast, he met my girl, loved her too,swore he wouldnt leave bought her anything she wanted she even called him daddy which I scolded her for. She had a douchebag dad. But he was never around. So anyway, he bought her her tinkerbell costume for halloween 10', then split on that night by phone call annnnd cried annnnd cried sayin he needed " time and space" my girl was 3. She still talks about that idiot till this day. How much he loves us and will come back. I Will NEVER MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN. I was 31. I will never date younger. Or hurt my baby that bad ever. Listen up ladies, listen to ur gut.
Yeah Ashlie! I just read the post and think this is great news and am thankful you gave an update. I often fret as to what happens or what the outcome turns out to be. Now we know - best of luck to you and your son.
Wise-ass Such good advice, its great to have a place to come and ask questions - some times we forget to see what's right in front of us - the reminders sure to help!
Also: one of the most common way pedophiles get access to a victim is by dating the kid's mom.
You should not introduce anyone that isn't a potential life partner. It's not fair to the kids to risk hurting them with the potential loss of yet another father figure in their life if you break up.