Sorry, I'm with your friends. I'm sure you're a nice gal, but I wouldn't eat out with you, either.
Regardless of your cultural upbringing, you live in a society where tipping is customary, like it or not. No, it's not mandatory, and it is your right not to tip, but don't expect people to like it. Bathing isn't mandatory, either--try skipping that and see what happens. If you went to another country and thumbed your nose at their customs because you weren't raised to follow them, what kind of reactions do you think you would get from people? Not good ones, I assure you.
When in Rome, it's common courtesy to do as the Romans do. You can choose not to, but don't expect anyone to go along with it.
Thanks for the question.
If you were not occupying a table, some other patrons would be dining at that table and do like most other Romans and leave a tip.
A big tip isn't always necessary, but some monetary acknowledgement for good service is standard.
If I happen to dine with someone who doesn't tip, I feel as though I must compensate by leaving a bigger tip. So dining with a non-tipper costs me more than it should.
It's obviously your right to not tip, but the people dining with you don't want to look like tight-wads. You may have to get used to dining alone.
I completely agree with the answer. Leaving at least a 15% tip is really the least you can do. Just flat-out not leaving one is rude to both the server and your fellow diners. I have no idea under what cultural norms you were raised, so perhaps it's different where you come from, but in the US, servers make something like 3 dollars an hour, well below minimum wage. Thus, they depend on tips for the majority of their paycheck. The tip isn't something you just throw on the table as an added bonus or something; you're essentially paying the server for their service. How would you feel if that was your situation and yet the people you served didn't tip you?
Basically, if you're not willing to tip, you really shouldn't be eating at sit-down restaurants in the first place. It's part of the deal.
Exactly. Like Carly said, you have to understand that this is these people's LIVING. There is never any excuse for leaving no tip, and the only excuse for leaving a crappy tip is horrible service.
I'm British, and we don't really have a tipping culture, (though it is on the rise) but then again service people make more in this country than they do in America. If you know anything about America, you'd know that employees in this industry are slightly underpaid because it's expected that they will make this money back in tips.
And even so, if I've been out for a lovely meal here and the service has been average to good, then they get a tip. It's just polite. Heck, I even tip at chain stores like Wagamamas, where the individual themselves might not even get the extra money. It's hard for everyone to get by at the moment, and a couple of quid (or bucks) from each customer isn't exactly much out of your pocket but it can make all the difference to the people making the effort to make your meal a good one.
(Reservoir Dogs, anyone?)
Mmm... I miss Wagamama... We need to get those in Canada.
Servers are often paid less than minimum wage here, albeit, it's still much more than server wage in the US ($8.90/hr in Ontario). So more liveable, but I can only remember one time that I left a bad tip, after shockingly horrible service and food in a posh restaurant.
Even when I was living in Ireland (also without the tipping culture!), it took me a while to adjust to not always leaving a tip. Several times I had servers chase me out of the store to return money that I "forgot." Weird adjustment, haha.
I am a great believer of conforming to local culture. I think its rude not to. To move to a country and live among people who were born there, have roots there, have worked to make it a good place and then behave badly in a country that isn't even yours? I mean come on - move to a place where they don't tip if thats what you would like to continue doing. Culture or no culture - you seem to have a serious lack of empathy. Put yourself in the servers shoes. They are doing a job and you should respect that with a tip. Nobody is exempt from tipping just because of their cultural background.. to be honest i I think this has more to do with being an a@@hole rather than being from a different culture. What a bad attitude.
Cultures that do not require tips for service pay their employees well which means it was already built in to the price. That does not happen here. If you do not tip your waiter/waitress especially after they busted their ass to make sure you have everything you need for your meal, it is an insult to them that they are not worth 10% of your bill... If you do not believe in tipping - you truly should not be eating out...
Go to McDonald’s then…
((I wouldn’t hang with you either.))
I do tip when the service is good to exceptional, but when it's below that - absolutely not!
We, "Americans", in the specific service industries, have gotten accustomed to assuming everyone is going to tip..as in it's automatically earned. Tipping was not meant to be that!
It's sad that our service industry employers have been able to drop wages based on the fact that the customer will supplant the compensation of the worker!
It's an individuals choice, if I tip and someone doesn't...so be it.
I don't think you should tip as much for average service as fantastic service, and no if it's truly craptastic one shouldn't feel obligated to tip at all, but it's a little cold to say only exceptional service gets a tip from you, because like it or not we are responsible for their wages, and denying them a tip for your dinner might be denying them their dinner.
In this economy here in the States, I expect to tip at least 10% for their trouble to start with - it's their living after all. 15% for average service. 20% for great service. More than 20% if I am a regular customer... If I do not tip on purpose, I am making a statement it's because you deserve nothing!
Agreed! I hardly ever tip below 15% but there are those cases where you can't justify not tipping but for whatever reason they just don't deserve fifteen percent, that's where 10% comes in, but I usually feel too guilty to leave just ten. Not tipping is a statement, and if I can't afford to tip I don't go out.
Kudos to you for not eating out when you can't afford the tip. It really bugs me when people have an expensive meal and then don't tip enough because they "can't afford it". The tip should be viewed as part of the cost of eating out, not whatever change is left in your wallet.
As a former waitress, this question does not surprise me at all. Whenever I'd get foreign customers, especially those from Europe, where tip is usually included in the price of the meal, I know I'd be getting stiffed no matter how good my service was. It infuriates all of us because the vast majority of them know that the customs are different and that they are supposed to leave a tip, but they pretend they don't know just so they don't have to pay it. It is not "refusal to conform to local customs"; it's just stinginess.
I've also been on the other side, where I'm dining with people who are stingy on tips or didn't bring enough money to cover all of their share (yeah, I know how dumb that is), and I've always felt the need to compensate for them. I once spent $25 more than I needed to on tips for a large group meal just to cover other people's share so we could make it to 15%. Needless to say, I didn't dine out with them again, and I don't blame your friends for not wanting to dine out with you. Don't be rude. Leave a tip.
I think what you don't understand is just how douche-y such behavior is. I've waitressed before and let me tell you, my wage was $2.75/hour (no, seriously) plus the tips that I got. $2.75/hour doesn't pay the bills dearest, so waiters/waitresses are pretty dependent on those tips you're not giving out. If a waitress puts effort into being polite and attentive, you can at least toss a couple of singles onto the table as thanks.
$2.25 an hour????
Wow, I thought slave labour ended years ago. In Australia, you would be earning at least $15.00 an hour and even then, that is a basic wage. The hospitality industry here doesn't pay well at all but it sure pays better than yours. My question would be, when you are only earning $2.25 an hour, how could you possibly afford to go out yourself and leave a tip. I don't know how you all do it and I think that a (rich?) western country such as the "almighty" USA has a lot to answer for when they pay you only a pittance of your worth.
Shame on your corrupt government, not the non-tipper who is only being paid a basic wage and just making ends meet themselves.
don't think of it as conforming to a different culture... think of it as helping people in the service industry who aren't paid as well in our society as they are in yours.
i tip at cafes and pizza places as well as restaurants, and i feel bad if i can't. doesn't have to be much, but a little can go a long way.
I've worked in the food industry and seen servers CRYING because a rude table left a penny as a tip. I always leave at least 15% because I've seen the horrors of the hospitality industry. Like Wise Ass said, you can tip or not tip, but prepare for the consequences of your actions.
Can anyone weigh-in on what the carry-out people at places like Olive Garden make? I always leave 20% to a server but I' ve always hoped the person in charge of carry out (and they tend to have a designated person) got at least minimum wage because it doesn't seem necessary to tip them for carrying your food out from the kitchen. Ahh and the car-side people; I always give a little bit for their trip outside; are they paid appropriately?
In the States, service is not already included in the bill, so it is expected to add a gratuity. Gratuities are the servers real wage. It is obscene and unjust to not add this gratuity to the price of your meal. If you are not willing to pay, do not dine in restaurants in the United States. Last night in fact, I was comped wine, an appetizer and dessert in my neighborhood restaurant because I always respect and take care of my server. In return, I left a very generous tip. Just do the right thing- and good (and delicious) things will come back to you!
No, it's not mandatory to tip, but you really should. As a waitress, if someone doesn't tip me anything, I get upset. Why? Because I make $2.13 an hour and DEPEND on tips for my salary. Also because at the end of the night, we have to give tipshare. Where I work, tipshare is 3% of our total sales at the end of the shift. This money goes out to the bussers, hosts, and bartenders. So when you're at my table, you're raising my sales, which raises the amount of money I need to give away at the end of the night. Not tipping me means I'm giving away more money than I made that night in tips.
Damn, this one struck a nerve!
Seriously though, don't be a tight ass. I wouldn't dine with you either.
Geesh! I went out to a dance bar (really nice place) one night with a group of friends. We had a table and we were being served our drinks at the table. After a couple of rounds a couple of servers called me over to the bar and told me that they would no longer serve my friends because they weren't tipping enough. They thanked me for tipping properly but they wanted to let me know the deal.
My friends were pissed, made a scene, called in the manager...it was terrible. The manager told them very quickly that the servers had the right not to serve customers who refused to tip or who tipped poorly...so there you go. As a former waitress I think that's fair. I was so embarrassed to be with the stingy buggers...WOW!
I think it's hilarious that this person actually thought they were going to get some backup from Wise Ass! Seriously?!? The question should've gone, "How can I be a stingy little bitch and get away with it?"
I've never had service so bad that I do not tip at all... and I've had some crappy service. I like to remember that not everyone is always having their best day, and though it isn't your, the patron('s), fault they're having a bad day or whatever the case may be, you never know what is going on in someone's life... So I always tip, because I know they make crap wages aside from tips and pay about 20 to 25% if it's great service. I've been known to pay on occasion as much or sometimes more in tips as I did for my meal... If I have it, I don't mind sharing with people I know that need the money as well. And what to say to the asker... not much to say that hasn't already been said, is there? But I agree with Cary and everyone else, waiters and waitresses don't get paid minimum wage therefore tips are not only expected but needed to make enough income to feed your family and pay your bills. I do not, under any circumstance leave a table without a proper tip being left and would not go out to dinner with a friend or family member who did not tip
My biggest red flag with my last boyfriend was the fact that he absolutely refused to leave a tip. His argument was that "well, we don't tip other people, so why should we treat waiters any more specially?" He later turned out to be the biggest douchebag I've ever dated.
Okay, I can't say it's always a good idea to "conform to society." Slavery, racism, etc was once seen everywhere in this society and the right thing to do would be to stand up against that. But, please! You aren't starting a second civil rights movement here. You're being selfish. You're not only holding back on your friends (for, presumably, not paying your share of the time), and the waiter, but the other service staff of the restaurant.
You do realize there are still some states where waitresses are only paid $2-$3 and it is expected that their wages will ONLY come from tips.
So by not tipping, you could in fact be robbing someone of pay. So how would you feel if you were selling something on the street in your country and some greasy American came buy adn grabbed your goods and walked away without paying?
Do you feel like a complete douche YET or have you gotten the point yet?
Something to remember for non-tippers: waitstaff get about two bucks an hour. Not tipping is essentially insulting them because you know you'll get away with it and there's nothing they can do. You know it. They know it. Stop pretending it's anything else.
Besides, in the age of the Internet, you won't stay anonymous for long. For example, bitterwaitress.com. Or http://15percent.tumblr.com/ Or servernotservant.com
Couple thoughts on this...
1) I think it's ironic that the writer is refusing to adhere to cultural norms when we Americans get railed for doing the same thing all the time.
2) I used to work in food service, though not as a waiter, and the servers HATED German customers because they didn't tip. I would defend them, saying that in Germany the tip is built into the bill and they probably didn't know any better.
You have no excuse, as you are clearly aware of American norms. I'm not trying to take the stereotypically American stance of saying that you have to change your whole culture while you're in the USA, but it IS polite to temporarily adopt SOME of the customs of your guest country, whether you're American, German, Pakistani, or I-don't-even-care-what.
Even if tipping isn't polite in your country, showing some cultural sensitivity ALWAYS is.
I definitely agree with all the above. Stay at home and eat or go through the drive through. The service industry across the board has not raised the hourly rate in over 20 years. When I was in high school/college, I would get paid $2.13/hour plus tips; I have friends now who work in the service industry and still get the same rate of pay.
You wouldn't expect someone to come to your home country and disregard your customs. That would only scream ignorance. Grow up and get with the program.
Servers are routinely paid an extremely low hourly wage because it has been established in the food industry that a percentage of a patron's bill should be based on not just the food they eat but the service they receive. Rather than the restaurant raise the price of their food to equal approximately 15 to 20 % more added to the price of your food, they are actually charging you that much LESS for the experience & assuming you'll pay the difference that they're depending on in tips. The alternative would be to charge you 15-20 % more for your meal & have no tipping, which would be a worse choice since you'd be paying the same amount no matter how good/bad service is. Try to look at it that way
Exactly!
And in the places/countries where tipping is not the common practice, the 15 to 20% usually IS built into the price of the food. I lived in Japan for a few years and initially I was shocked at the price of dining out there, but soon realized that, since there is no tipping, the cost of eating out was very fair. (And just for the record, the service was always fantastic, regardless of whether you were in a high-end restaurant or a fast food joint, so paying a bit more was well worth it.)
As for the social boor that submitted the original question, I also have to agree with all the people who made comments indicating that when one is in a place that has different customs, one should try to follow those customs . . . and if you don't like it, then you should stop eating out! I actually taught classes (when I was in Japan) about North American etiquette/customs, so that those going on holiday to (or planning to live in) the U.S. or Canada would feel more at ease when they dined out, went shopping, etc., etc. All the students took it really seriously, as they wanted to fit in and behave in a culturally acceptable way in their host country.
So, OP, it's nice that you feel no shame, but your friends are clearly ashamed of you, and the rest of us are looking down our noses at you, too.
I'm an Australian, and tipping just isn't done here, so I can kinda understand where the asker coming from. We're used to paying exactly what the price tag says and nothing else. I admit I found tipping rather confusing.
On the other hand, as everyone has already pointed out, the rate for waiters/waitresses in America is so low that tipping is essentially part of their wage. This is an important part of their livelihood.
I tipped, even though it seemed weird. You should too. Use the percentages that everyone suggested and work out the price including that before you start ordering. Use your phone as a calculator if you have to.
Don't think of it as having to pay "extra", but just a part of the price.
Let's rephrase the question and remove the BS:
WA, how can I make my friends stop making me feel bad for intentionally doing something I know is wrong? Some of them have even stopped taking part in the rudeness with me! I know that what I'm doing is wrong, but I'm just going to blame cultural differences that I admit(in the same breath) I shouldn't be blaming. Besides, there's no law against being rude.
Now let's ask the question again, but switch out the rude behavior:
WA, how can I make my friends stop making me feel bad about picking my nose in public? Some of them have even stopped hanging out in public with me because of this. I didn't grow up with American values and I don't really practice the culture despite living in the U.S. Besides, there are no signs that say it's mandatory to refrain from nose-picking.
The "I'm not American, so I don't have to do it" justification pisses me off so much. Whenever my friend gave me this explanation for refusing to pledge to the U.S. flag in high school, I gave them a verbal beat down. You're living in America, you follow the customs because it is respectful!! If not, why are you here? Not saying you have to assimilate to ALL of society's demands, but you have to have respect and do what is considered courteous to others.
While I agree with your sentiments in general, I don't think your example is a good one. The Pledge of Allegiance is an oath of loyalty to the national flag and the Republic of the United States of America (quoted from Wikipedia) - you can hardly ask a foreign national to pledge their allegiance to the USA.
If you can't tip your server in an American restaurant, don't go to an American restaurant. Stay home and microwave some ethnic leftovers.
First I must say that anyone that has ever worked in any food service job knows the pains of it. You're going to deal with more asses than a police officer busting a meth lab. I tip from 15 to 30 usually falling on the higher side of that scale because I know the pain of food service jobs. All that aside though, the culture is ass backwards and the restaurant industry is allowed to get away with paying crappy wages to those they employ with the 'possibility' of making up to a certain amount in tips. Then you are supposed to have to document the tips you get as taxable income. If you ask me the restaurants should bear the responsibility of paying a proper wage to their employees. People woud eat out more w/o the thought of tips looming in the back of their minds, employees would be better off and less stressed with a more stable, budgetable income, and call me crazy, but i think folks would throw a few extra their way because the good spirit would be felt all around. I always pay cash tip even when a meal is on my card. There are enough hands in working folks pockets as is giving our hard earned ends to feed corporate gluttony.
I've traveled a lot, and I find the cultures that don't tip are mainly the Australians and the British (but even the British tip in sit down restaurants and well liked barkeeps get 'one for yourself'). I'm Canadian, I waitress, we make $8/hour minimum wage. We tip.
In Australia, you waitress, you make $20/hour. They don't tip.
Tipping is really just a wage. Unless the service was absolutely and truly terrible it's just the thing to do.
I'm European and usually here people do not tip although I like acknowledging a good service.
Anyway each time I've been in the US I tip. The first time I even went as far as reading at least 2 guides on tipping on the internet.
My point is I adhere to the country's customs even if I'm there for 2 days. You live in the US and you do not respect them. Shame on you!
I understand that you are from a different culture and things are done differently from where you come from but when living in America it is proper to abide by our culture. You should always tip! It doesn't have to be a lot but at least something to show the server you appreciate their work. The only time I have ever not left a tip is when my server was drunk, didn't give me silverware after I asked for it repeatedly, never delivered my drink, brought my food out cold because she "forgot" and was on the phone with her friend majority of the time. Also got my order wrong. So unless making a specific statement above poor service then give at least 15% or else get used to eating alone, because right now people view you as rude.
Double the tax, At least. If its 2.30, then 4 dollars is even enough. Mere change or nothing at all is just rude. And your friends are probably embarrassed to eat out with someone who can fork over money for chow, but stiff on the tip. It makes the entire group look bad. And if your friends are making up for your inability to tip, then they're right to forgo dinner with a cheap chum. I wait tables myself. You can call me biased, but I was once ignorant too. And Ive been that crying server. Do you tip valet to bring your car to the front? Room service? No? Maybe you might go get it yourself then next time. Its a luxury and your tip is a sign of gratuity.
Im with u bro, never leave tips or when im forced to i express my dissatisfaction!. i dont think its fair, id much rather tip the chef not the person that brought me a plate! i can get it myself, show me where the kitchens at! plus with all the tips those people earn more per hour than they should. not fair!