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We went to the mall and he bought food...didn't offer me anything, then just ate in front of me. He said he only had $5, but still.

Who I side with on this one depends entirely on your relationship status. If you're dating, and this was a date, then yeah, kind of weird. For my own personal amusement, I hope he stared directly into your eyes as he downed an Arby's 5 for 5 deal. That's five delicious beef sandwiches for just five dollars; I mean, forget about it.

But if you're still at the phase where you're "hanging out after class" or it was a weird time of day and he had no reason to expect you to be hankering for some Great Khan's, then I can see you being the lame one here. I'm not big on the premise that a dude's supposed to pay your way whenever you're out together "just because." Especially when we're talking five bucks and mall food.

If you're hungry, tell him so. If you want to date someone who will buy you things, don't date a guy who considers five dollars walking around money. I doubt he meant to insult you. He's probably just dirt-poor and oblivious, as most of us guys have been at one time or another.

So while I can't answer your question definitively without some more deets, my general advice would be that if it bugged you that much, dump him. If the thought of dumping him over something as trivial as a five dollar lunch seems silly, then don't. And either way, you should certainly be able to bring it up with him in a "hey, what was the deal with that?" sort of way.

Because girl, you GOTS to get your Panda Express, amirite?

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8 Comments

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I have to agree with Michael here.
You didn't say how he was connected to you. Is he your brother? (In which case, DUH, are you surprised?!) A male friend you hope you could date? (See brother response.) The person you just started dating? (A little impolite, but not necessarily a deal-breaker.) A boyfriend? (Not cool.) Your husband? (Kick his ass, honey, that is definitely NOT COOL.)

I've noticed in the case of platonic boy buds, it helps to work out in advance who's paying for what. It cuts down nasty surprises at the end of the night.

Whenever I go out with someone new, I always bring my own money. Again, saves on the awkward moments unless he insists on paying for me.

A little off topic, but what could he possibly buy at the mall under $5? I thought that a burger and a small drink were at least $10.

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i see why this would bug you. it would bug me if a normal friend did it.. aren't we taught early on not to eat in front of people w/o offering them something too? it's just a courtesy thing.. not a boyfriend mistake.. just a regular semi-rude mistake.

Michael Swaim

Were we? I was not taught that. If my friends expected to eat some of my food just whenevs, I would flip the hell out. Is this true? Was I raised rude?

user-pic

I was taught this. In my family, if you had food, you better be prepared to share it or things could get downright ugly fast. With my friends, we always offered the other person a portion of ours if they couldn't afford their own eats. When I was living with my grandma, she was always scarfing down the chocolate and Taco Bell I brought home, but it made me laugh.
I think a lot of it has to do with where you live, your family's culture, and how you were raised. That being said, my little brother never shared his food, but he was the only one who got away with it. I suspect that, surrounded by all us females, it was probably self-defense.
Hope that helps.

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I was raised this way, too, but only in the context of the other people not having their own food. If you're sitting together to lunch in the cafeteria or something, then no. But I think it's just awkward to sit there eating and have the other person staring at you all "Soo...".

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I think offering food before eating only applies to when you're having people over, which is part of being a good host.
But if you're eating out, why would you have to buy extra food just so you can offer it to other people? I don't expect my friends to buy me some fries whenever they want a burger, and neither should they.
Back to the question though, one does not teleport to a food court or mall vendor/restaurant. The guy must have said something like, "I'm hungry/ want meat/ am a man, want to find something to eat?" to which the girl might respond, "Totes yeah." I can't imagine anyone storming off to buy food without consulting present company. Point is, she knew he was getting food and if she wanted food, she should have bought it herself.

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Why not just ask to have a bite? Or buy your own meal?

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So far your site looks great but it seems like some links on your site are broken, may want check on that.

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