Wow. How long was the break?? I imagine it went down something like this:
Him: Honey, what did you do during our break?
You: Just went on a few bad dates. Nothing serious. You?
Him: Oh, just had a kid with some other woman. Want Thai for dinner?
Wait, I'm a little unclear on something here. So he found out the woman he slept with his pregnant? Or does he have an actual child? How long was the break?
Anyway, his priority now should be the child. Maybe you guys can make it work, but he has to figure out what he's going to do. Hopefully he'll be there for the kid whether or not he's with the woman he slept with. Obviously this puts a crimp on your plans to have a baby, but if you love each other, you can make it work. That said, you have to ask yourself a couple things:
1) Do you want to be with a guy who accidentally got another pregnant while you were on a "break," whatever that means? As we've discussed here, "breaks" kind of don't exist. If you're sleeping with other people, you're not together. You were broken up. Sure, you got back together, but during that period you were broken up. So, while you were broken up, did he have unprotected sex with another woman? Sure, condoms do break and birth control isn't always 100%. But you need to know whether he was having unprotected sex with this woman or anyone else.
2) Do you want the responsibility of his kid? Even if he has joint custody, the kid will be in your life. Is this the man you want to have a child with? Again, if you love each other, you can make it work. But now is the time to consider whether you should go on a permanent break this time.
Him: Honey, what did you do during our break?
You: Just went on a few bad dates. Nothing serious. You?
Him: Oh, just had a kid with some other woman. Want Thai for dinner?
Wait, I'm a little unclear on something here. So he found out the woman he slept with his pregnant? Or does he have an actual child? How long was the break?
Anyway, his priority now should be the child. Maybe you guys can make it work, but he has to figure out what he's going to do. Hopefully he'll be there for the kid whether or not he's with the woman he slept with. Obviously this puts a crimp on your plans to have a baby, but if you love each other, you can make it work. That said, you have to ask yourself a couple things:
1) Do you want to be with a guy who accidentally got another pregnant while you were on a "break," whatever that means? As we've discussed here, "breaks" kind of don't exist. If you're sleeping with other people, you're not together. You were broken up. Sure, you got back together, but during that period you were broken up. So, while you were broken up, did he have unprotected sex with another woman? Sure, condoms do break and birth control isn't always 100%. But you need to know whether he was having unprotected sex with this woman or anyone else.
2) Do you want the responsibility of his kid? Even if he has joint custody, the kid will be in your life. Is this the man you want to have a child with? Again, if you love each other, you can make it work. But now is the time to consider whether you should go on a permanent break this time.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not have a child with this man! Not right now at least. Wait it out & see how this love child works into the equation. Personally, I would consider dipping, like Nick said. Look at the bigger picture here.., or at the very least wait until it comes into focus for you. I noticed you never mentioned marriage when you talked about having a baby. Humm…, I wonder why that is? Don’t marry him either. That would be bat $h!T crazy!
This is one of the reasons why a lot of children are either put to adoption or have single parents. Ugh.
I honestly won't be able to bring myself to take him back after finding out he has another child during the "break". If I do love him, I probably will, but it would take a LOOOOOOOONG time.
Like CG said, how long was the break? Plus was the break a clean "break" or the kind of break wherein you two want to work things on your own first but would still want to get back together?
Here's another situation I've been in:
N has a gf named S. N and S are having problems. N shows attraction to M. M is falling for N. When M wanted to talk about it, R steps in and says "I'm pregnant with N's baby." When news of the pregnancy broke out, H stepped in and said, "N was also doing it to me." N is now forced to marry R, but he doesn't want to and tells everyone he's not in love with R but he wanted to pursue M. Wedding pushed. S and H are totally heartbroken and M realized how lucky she was because nothing ever happened between them and it was great she waited things out to unfold overtime before doing something crazy.
Did you just follow that?
I have another example of a guy wanting to spread his semen around and overpopulate the world. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I now think spaying was invented solely for them. I feel strongly about this issue because most of the time, most of the children suffer.
If you get pregnant with this guy, will he be as committed to you and your child as you would want him to be? Or will he leave you again and then go find another woman he could have another baby? And Silkysly is right - no mention of marriage? That's bat$h!T crazy! (quote here)
Yep, you love him. But woman, gotta looooove YOURSELF first!
You'll ALWAYS be dealing with his baby-momma. If you needed a break it wasn't working anyway. Be kind to yourself, find someone else.
Sounds like something off of a soap opera.
People, keep the drama on the television and away from real life.
I've seen too many people's lives wrecked in situations like this.
You and your future baby will always be in second after his first born. Can you live with that 18 - 21 years. And if he puts you all first;can you afford to live off one and a half income customer child support can take half of his income. Sorry girl. Outlook looks grim.
Get a good man that will be there for you and not need to take "a break" (to go have sex with other women). What if he needs another break when you are in a committed relationship and you have a child.
There are many good guys out there and I know you are emotionally attached to this cheese ball but really you deserve to be treated soooo much better. Let him lie in the bed he made. You go find a new one. With time you will get over him and you will find a much better guy.
I don't know how old you are but it sounds as if you are fairly young. What does "we were planning our own baby, by the way" mean??? You guys go on a break...he sleeps around and has what is assumed to be unprotected sex with at least one other person but I'm guessing more...you get back together and start planning on having a baby with this guy? Really? Really? Assuming you're not married and hardly in a "stable" relationship together...why would you be planning for a baby right now?
THANK YOU.
Also, Nick, sorry but, "if you love each other, you can make it work" is an incredibly naive thing to say. This isn't a 1950's Disney movie. True love does no conquer all, not in real life.
Is it though? People make all kinds of crazy situations work. What I mean is, if they're committed to each other, they can get through it. Maybe she'll be a second mother to the kid. But she has to accept the serious baggage he's bringing along.
Sounds like a Ross & Rachel thing to me... Minus the baby... Plus, it never worked out for them... Just a thought..