Oh man. Let's see:
Strike 1: He asks you to call or text him to hang out again. Huh? A real man will call or text you if he wants to get together again. Why make you pursue him? It almost sounds like, "Have your people call my people."
Strike 2: You thanked him for a good time and he didn't respond. Even if he's not interested in you, that's just bad manners. I'm guessing he had a good time, too, since you ended up naked. He can't take 15 seconds to thank you in return?
Strike 3: You haven't heard from him at all since the date, even though you did what he asked and contacted him about hanging out again.
He's a bum. Move on. Sorry to be blunt, but you have nothing in common with this guy; you have class and manners and he doesn't. You can do better.
Good luck.
I think you've neglected to mention the obvious...she had sex with him on what was apparently the first date. This will not lead to a second date. Guys don't wanna date whores, just sleep with them. She will probably hear from him again tho. I'm guessing one night when he's feeling horny he'll invite her over to watch a movie. She'll be stoked cause she thinks he's interested, he'll get laid. And he STILL won't return her call the next day. Wise up girls.
I'm sorry, but I thought I read that he had sex on the first date also? Why is he the morally better person in this situation, who doesn't want to date "whores"? On what date is it not whorey to sleep with someone?
Let me try to find the best way to ask this...
Why are guys not only not held accountable for when or where or with who they have sex, but actually EXPECTED to accept any sex at any time, while women are held morally responsible at all times?
(Your comment sparked my rant, none of this is directed at you, really, and I actually have to agree that that was probably the reason he didn't call, but it's a shitty reason and it shouldn't be the girl's fault)
Ditto that. In my circle of friends we call guys that sleep around slutbags just like the women. Because they are.
Sleeping with someone on the first date might be something you do, but at least you put a date in front of it first. That kinda implies that you want something more, no? Not slutbag behaviour.
fuck yeah, girls!! He slept with HER on the first date, and that doesn't keep HER from wanting a second date....So why should he be all aloof just cuz she slept with him? Double standard pisses me off.
All my long term girlfriends slept with me on the first date, and I lost exactly zero respect for them. They're still some of my favourite people to this day.
Guys will do this as well after dates where there is no sex. Happened to me. What you do is move on with your life, and forget that no-good bum. If he was only into you for sex, then it was probably not meant to be.
@Guys will do this as well after dates where there is no sex.
lol that's true. Good point.
Thank you.
I agree with Cary's advice. This guy is nothing more than a common carp. He's swimming away. Let him go. You are better off without him.
I have to disagree with "Strike 1".
What, exactly, makes it a bad thing that the woman is made to pursue? Who the fuck are you to decide what is a "real man"? Is a "real man" a cliched, chivalrous asshole? It seems that if you had it your way, all that would happen is a ridiculous, thinly-veiled sexist social convention would continue to be perpetuated.
Who the fuck are you to decide what is a "real man"?
I'm a guy hired to give his opinion on this website, that's who.
If you bothered to read my other posts, you'd see that I have no problem with women making the first move. In this case, though, it was one of several actions that proved this guy to be a twat. Lot of that going around.
Now here's a tissue and let's go have your blood pressure checked.
Burn 'im! Light the torches and grab the pitch forks! You tell this ass who you are!! Yay!
How dare you have an opinion, Cary! What makes you think you can answer questions that people specifically ask you? That's the Devil's work, that is! Gallavanting around, typing things in your precious little word box.. and getting paid for it? Harlotry!
UHM, as far as the "what makes him right" thing... Nothing does. Its not morally right for him and not for her. It's called a double standard. Society is full of them. Get used to it.
On another note, not to disrespect the poster, but sleeping with someone on the first date is downright trashy, and you don't deserve to do that to yourself just because you thought things were "going well"and he was a "great guy". Of COURSE things are going well and he's a great guy-- he was trying to get into your pants. Once he did, there was no need to try any harder for something more. Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?
One more thing... I think Funny Man's intention in Strike 1 was strictly to point out that HE didn't want to put in enough effort to continue seeing each other... not that having the girl "pursue" was wrong. It was wrong of the guy to put that on her because then it makes her look desperate. This guys a real peice of work. He probably is sitting around with his friends talking about how he banged a girl last night and now she wont leave him alone.
Sad, but true.
I sleep with the person the first date all the time. I'm not trashy, I'm trampy/skanky, get the verbs right buster. I do it because...well, I have issues. Though I tend to be the one not to call back. Yeah, I'm working on this. But it goes both ways. Though no trash talk, I have all my teeth and my hair isn't stuck in the 80s. That's trashy.
I think it's trashy to call someone trashy. Which means I'm trashy, I guess. Oops, there I go again.
I disagree that double standards are something to get used to. If that were our attitude, none of us would be VOTING.
I stand corrected... *WISE ASS, not FUNNY MAN. My bad.
Sorry - I don't believe that sex on the first date is trashy or morally wrong. I've had relationships that lasted years where we have and ones where we've waited that ended soon after. Every couple is different. The first clue was when he asked you to get in touch with him. That's never good - and you should say so. A quick, "This was fun, here's my number. It would be great to get together again." makes it clear that you are the one that should be pursued, plus a nominal level of interest.
You are worth the pursuit.
Is it me, or does it suddenly smell like 1954 in here?
I think it smells like teen spirit. And Mad Men.
Ya I lost my virginity to a guy like that except we talked for 3 or 4 months before this actually happened! It sucks that guys do stupid stuff like this! He still plays games though! Which is something i don't understand! He is in the military and he comes home every so ofter. I haven't slept with him in like 2 years but Im friends with his family and they say he really likes me but says its a waste to be in a relationship now! And one time when he was home (he lives 30 minutes from me) he came all the way down behind my work which he knows that it is my work. Which there is nothing around and a dead end alley! I just happened to walk out to my car at the same time and I had no idea he was there and he drove by me WITHOUT STOPPING and since it is a dead end he turned around and drove BACK BY ME WITH OUT SAYING ANYTHING! I texted him and said WTF was that why didn't u stop and what are you doing back here and he said I dunno it was a coincidence! Was it a coincidence?
Sex on the first date, whether it evolves into a relationship or not, is trashy. You are letting a strange penis into your vagina. Don't you wanna know a little bit more about the guy before you see his "O" face? If you're boinking him after a few hours do you really think he believes you're not boinking every guy you meet? No honey, he thinks you're a whore. And if you define "whore" as "a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse" well...then...you pretty much ARE a whore....
And yeah, yeah, he's a whore too. But looks like she still wants him to call her back and thinks he's a great guy so until we as women start to ACT on the manwhoring being unacceptable, of course they're gonna keep doing it. Do we ever not call a guy back cause he had sex with us on the first date? We can complain all we want about their behavior but ladies, we encourage it.
Ok. Here goes.
1. This chick wasn't asking for anyone's opinion about whether sleeping with the guy on the first date was or was not morally appropriate or "trashy." Let's all step off of our high horses and admit that premarital sex usually happens, whether it happens on the first date or the fifty-first date. If it happens two months into the relationshop, is that still "getting the milk for free?" (Honestly - people still say that in this day & age? My grandma would be proud, as that was a favorite expression of hers. We loved her anyway.)
2. Wise Guy is only stating the obvious with the whole "Strike One" bit. By not bothering to get her contact information he was basically telling her flat-out that he wasn't interested in anything beyond a fling. It's the whole "don't call me, I'll call you" mentality. Both sexes do it all the time. It's not sexist to say that the dude should make an effort get her digits - had it been me talking to my girlfriend, I'd have said the same thing. The real problem is that he didn't want her contact info.
3. The guy's a douche. It's clear as day; so clear that the Wise Ass could smell it a thousand some-odd miles away. Girls come here seeking advice from men of all different walks of life -- they should heed it. Call a douche a douche and so be it. Live & learn, ladies, and next time you'll spot 'em before they get in your pants.
Word.
I had a relationship that lasted six years and it started with sex on the first date or day that we met. sometimes you just know when things are right. he still loves me, but sometimes guys can be jerks and yours was a jerk. sounded like the guy was young. once men get older it tends to happen less because they know a good thing when they see you...
This whole conversation is making me a little sick thinking about my 8 year old daughter.
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