When your name is Amit Wehle, and you're really short for your age, have thick unruly hair, rosy cheeks, long eyelashes, freckles, anxiety and a mom with a thick accent - hell, yeah you got teased, and sometimes, even bullied.
My worst case of bullying took place in 1st grade. Like most bullies, my bully was an insecure prick who projected a sense of security and poise. In September, we started out as friends. By November I was his butler; sharpening his pencil, carrying his lunch, bringing him the best soccer balls during recess and carrying his books in the hallways. He manipulated me and scared me.
This went on for months. I was terrified every morning; crying and running around the house when the school bus came to pick me up. Eventually my parents peeled away enough layers to find out what was going on. My dad called his dad and the next day on the bullying stopped. Instead, he ghosted me for the remainder of the year.
I'd like to also add, that once we are older our bullies are often less hard to detect. Yes, it could be an abusive partner, nasty old mom or boss, but more times than not, the bully is YOU. Mentally pushing you around and making you feel like sh*t about yourself. "You suck for not doing X. You should be doing Y. Why can't you be more like Z? You don't deserve W. You're such an F."
Beware of the self-bullying. Self reflection is good, self harassment is bullyshit.
that's so true, what a really great answer. it takes a thousand "atta boys" to undo one "you screwed up" but we get stuck playing the negative soundtrack we've heard all our lives, and don't replay the positive one, nearly enough. of course this is the exactly the one we need the most. realizing we write the soundtrack can make such a huge difference.
An off-duty cop parked his car in our driveway and completely disrespected me, a mere teenage girl, when I asked him to move his vehicle so i could get my car out. I had to disturb all the neighbors trying to figure out whose car it belonged to so everyone was outside when he told me in the nastiest way possible "there was nothing I could do to make him and he could park wherever he wanted". Friends, family and people I did not know told me to pretend it never happened as it would be for the best - he was a cop after all - but somehow I knew I would define myself the rest of my life based on what I did or did not do at that moment. I called the local precinct and spoke to his supervisor. He came back and apologized... I had to stand up to him for me, my family and neighborhood..
I want some of that! I'm gonna remember your story to give me courage. My son and I are being bullied by his Jr. High teacher AND my sons father (whom I've just divorced). I'm trying to get up the courage to report him to the school district.
I had a teacher in high school who told the class to "Never should on yourself, or any body else" I remind myself of that when I start thinking I should have done X, or I should be more like Y...and when I want to tell someone they should do Z.....VERY hard to practice...even after 20 years...but it helps me not beat myself (and others) up about the past and future decisions....
I was reflecting on my bullied past to try to remember when it first started. I truly don't remember being bullied until about 5th grade, after the death of one of my sisters. She was killed in a car wreck at 17 years. I was 10 when it happened and was so effected by it that I could not focus and I struggled to listen in class and finish homework. My homeroom teacher was empathetic and patient, but my math teacher ridiculed and scolded me frequently in front of the class. A new girl moved to our school that year also, and she became a leader/bully. She made sure I was excluded from playground games. The other kids didn't know how to deal with my change in personality (basically my depression) and I became an outcast. I had one friend, that I can remember, in 5th grade, that tried to be the buffer between me and the bully. Sixth grade I moved to a new school but didn't fit in there until high school. When I first arrived, the kids thought my white/blond straight blond hair, pale skin and 65 lb and 5 ft 2 " bean pole frame was ugly and I was nicknamed "dog face" until I was elected Prom Queen by 11th grade. I guess ugly ducklings do eventually grow into swans. Throughout the bullying, I always believed in myself. That the bullies were wrong about me. I don't know where that belief came from because it didn't come from my mom. She didn't really like me much either. Perhaps it was from my dad, who seemed to be the only nurturing person in my childhood. My four older sisters were with mom shunning me, but I did have a younger sister who I was, and still very am, close to.
I was bullied in junior high by peers who I now recognize were either insecure themselves (like the girl who used to date my exes and tell people she was going to steal my boyfriends from me) or who probably had difficult family lives. But that is in retrospect...at the time, the bullying made me very sad (I used to cry at home often) and lowered my self-esteem to the point where I began self destructive activities (mutilation in junior high onward and bulimia beginning in high school) that lasted until adulthood.
But it's funny Amit that you mentioned the biggest bully is usually ourselves...what a wise comment. According to my counselor (and I think she's right) the legacy of the bullying from my past is that now I repeat those things to myself and am my own biggest bully. But I'm working on it.