YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!
Oh, uh, sorry. Just an involuntary reflex. I watch a lot of movies.
Okay, you want the truth? Here's the truth. It's not that we don't notice your flaws. Of course we do; we're not stupid, either. It's that we just don't care. We love you for 1,000 other reasons that are infinitely more important than a bit of flab: your heart, your sense of humor, your intelligence, all that kinda stuff. The good stuff. The stuff that matters.
Sure, guys like women with fit bodies, but how can that be a deal-breaker when few of us have perfectly fit bodies ourselves? Keep in mind that I am speaking from the point of view of a fully-grown adult male, not a 19-year-old, and I'm talking about the difference between mature love and immature love: surface things like appearance lose importance as you mature and fall more deeply in love with someone.
Let's say you had a boyfriend you loved because he was kind and fun and treated you like a queen. Then one day his hair turns gray or he loses a limb or gets a big ugly scar on his face from an accident. Is that an instant turn-off? Do you immediately fall out of love with him because he's now flawed and disfigured? Of course not. You don't love him for his looks, even if he's handsome; you love him for what's inside.
I've said this before: women are much harder on themselves than their lovers are. You might cringe, but he wouldn't rub his hands all over your body if it replused him. The guy obviously loves you for other reasons. And again, a little flab - SFW? Whose body is perfect?
Physical appearance matters more at the beginning of a relationship than later. We are attracted by looks, then we get to know the person and either fall in love or move on. I don't know your age or how long you've been dating, but if your guy didn't like the way you look, seems to me he'd be long gone. It's obviously not an issue for him. So why is it for you?
If the flab bothers you that much, do some crunches. Otherwise, be happy with who you are and don't worry about what he's thinking. If he would dump you over a little flab, would you really want him anyway?
That was very good advice. I think women are too harsh on themselves at times.. Its paranoid thought that makes us think that a guy can do better.. Be happy within yourself.. Otherwise it will wear you down in your relationship
I'm so happy you were the one to answer this. :) Nice one Cary.
Best advice I've ever heard
Ditto to Melissa. :)
I wish there were more Carys in the world.
totally agree!
Very good advice Cary!
I'm going to turn this around.
Are you that harsh on the imperfections of your lover? My boy toy has a pounch and acne scars all over his face and chest. Plus his hair is flat and thin.
Those are his physical flaws. I can make a much longer list of all that I love about him that don't all include physical body parts.
He could probably say the same for me. It's truly not about the outside and it's everything about what's inside.
Great comment Megan, and great advice Cary.
Wow, Cary. Sensitive AND sexy answer...I'm suddenly aflutter with feelings for you. I want you. NOW. Love handles and all. ;)
Thanks, but who says I have love handles?
Yeah, He totally doesn't...oops! Did I say that out loud?
Well written reply. Love isn't about a few extra pounds or grey hair or scars, it is about that person who cares for you and about you. The one who knows you and knows what you need. The one who knows how to make you laugh. The one who is there for you no matter what.
Good answer, Cary! There should be more people out there like you. I say "people" because we girls can be shallow too, just as bad as the men. When I begin to date again, I'm going to look for someone with your humor and honesty. :) I'm setting the bar high this time around.
I say...BRAVO! Love the advice...
This was a great post, Cary!
Outstanding answer Cary. You are so right--women tend to be much harder on themselves than men. Damn Cindy Crawford.
BTW, I LOVE the tag: the bigger the cushion the sweeter the pushin.
Needs to be cross-stitched on a pillow, I think.
Cary Im in love with you. You give great answers and you actually like women. Who would of thunk it? OMG youre the best. Like the straight-guy friend ALL girls want and need!
Okay...I will be a cheerleader for your answer to!
"We Love Cary! Yes We Do" Big leg kick inserted here and pom poms under our knees..."Go Cary"
Thanks, everyone.
RGR - Even Cindy Crawford has some flab now, I bet.
Cary, you always seem to give spot-on advice that is neither too harsh nor soft. Awesome. =)
Yea, insecurities can ruin a relationship when the guy doesn't even see the same flaws as you.
I am 19, with a thin body type, and yet I still have insecurities with my body...It can ruin things and the crazy thing is my boyfriend isn't even the one that has problems with my body..just me!
At one point, I heard a girl mention how she thought her boyfriend was into the sex as much as he was just because he went to CLASS...and saw pretty girls...not even pretty girls in sexy lingerie...just regular pretty girls. It definitely destroyed her and of course her boyfriend that she was insane..haha I mean he would have to be pretty desperate to get horney off of that right!?
I didnt even know that was possible...
Good answer and...
"Even I don't look like Cindy Crawford in the morning."
[Cindy Crawford ~ People magazine, 1/11/93]
I'm with a guy who could lose a few pounds, but I'm more attracted to him and find him to be far sexier than the extremely-fit-ex-football-player-turned-cop that I was with previously, and love to run my hands all over him (flab included). Why? Because I love him, and I don't care about his flaws. In fact, I love that I find him sexy, despite the fact that I'm the opposite of him physically, and if I wanted to, I could get with any of the gym rats I see all the time. But I don't, because I don't want to.
It's not about our physical flaws/perfections. It's about the inside, and how our inner beauties collide with each other and make something even more fantastic!
He loves you. Don't be so hard on yourself. If it really bothers you, then like Cary said, do some crunches. But know that his love for you is not dependent on what you look like, and that is amazing and real!
No wonder my wife (Mec) likes to read your stuff so much. You and I think so much alike. This is exactly what I have told her in the past.
LOVE the tag, Mr McNeal. *giggle.
We are our own worst enemy .. And our mind really does have the ability to screw us up and the other way round.
Like Mr Wise Ass said, why don't you take a moment off your mind and go back to earth? Look, he's lying next to you, isn't he? He's running his hands over your body, isn't he? Take a breath. Inhale. Exhale. Relax. Be grateful, count your blessings. And just enjoy the moment you're having with him.
Life's too short to be obsessed with your flab. Of which your boyfriend really couldn't care less.
for me, it's the flaws that i love the most about my lover. they seem to become everything i love about him.
That was obviously helpful thing! But i have few questions. Can u give me contact info?