I can't stand cats.
But other than that... "dealbreakers" are usually trivial. Annoying little ticks and behaviors that make you gag or roll your eyes or wince. I totally understand how smoking is a major turn-off. Hacking death coughs just aren't sexy. But come on -- you meet a guy and the two of you snap together like the two halves of a silly putty egg and you'll let him pass by just because he smokes? That's a behavior that can change. That kind of thing just isn't a deal sweetener.
If you bail on someone because of a dealbreaker, then you're either shallow or there was something else there that was off. Wrong. His heart just wasn't the right size glass slipper. I mean, I've dated women who eat with their mouths open, or wore stinky hippie oils or quoted "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" all the time (I've never seen that show.)
Trivial. Annoying. I even dated a woman once who smelled like...ehhh... the gym. But we kept dating, and eventually we didn't work out for actual reasons. We had different life priorities. Were not emotionally compatible. She liked to do it with the curtains closed, and I liked to do with the curtains open. My point is: the only real dealbreakers for me are things like her doing something that would make me not trust her. Or if we just didn't want the same things out of life.
Oh! Wait! I do have one tiny dealbreaker. I can't stand, and will not date, women who are rude/jerks/princesses to waiters or waitresses. I cannot deal with that shit. People who dress down waiters are usually people who have no sense of humor about themselves, and have no respect for anyone elses opinion. They are also lacking in basic human empathy.
Avoid waiter haters like the plague. They are always terrible people.
I can't stand people who do not read. As in, do not read anything more than they have to during work: this includes news, etc etc. I have to admit that horrid grammar irritates me (a few mistakes are ok) but constant subject/verb disagreements drive me up the wall. Other dealbreakers include: not having a sense of irony. I hate it.
All pretty trivial if one thinks about it... but they do drive me up the wall.
Oh God, I'm with you on the grammar thing. I cringe inwardly with things like the wrong types of your/you're and there/their/they're. I always notice. It's not a dealbreaker and I don't say anything, but I do judge lol. Oh, people who write "no" instead of "know" bother me.. as well as "tomarrow". I don't dump them of course, but each little thing like that is a "stupid" tally mark in my book!
One dealbreaker I had is gross noises/gestures. For example, if a guy snorts grossly and spits when he walks around everywhere...I just can't date him.
Wow, this is making me sound anal, when I'm really not. I think everyone can agree with me on the gross noises one. As for the grammar, I just can't believe something so basic is messed up all the time. Haha, I'm sure everyone who uses bad grammar is totally scoping out my comments for mistakes....I hope I don't have any!
I dislike constant innuendo as a replacement for the awesomeness that is vulgarity. I dated one guy who loved wordplay and it just drove me up the wall. I rolled my eyes so often I felt like they'd fall out of my head.
While wordplay is clever it's not as great as using the very hot, naughty, wet words that show uninhibited desire. Make me blush...not roll my eyes.
pass the wordplay men to me :lol: I think it's totally awesome, not to mention hot. Especially if it's clever and not cliched.
lol will do. What can I say, I love a gentlemen in the street and a dirty dirty foul mouthed man in the bedroom :)
Amen to the waiters/waitresses!
Ditto the water/waitress thing. This also applies to how they treat other customer service types. Not only is that a turn-off, it's a sign of an overall lack of character.
I dated a guy who used "f*ck" instead of "um" between words. I can understand cursing if, say, you get crushed in Super Smash Bros. We're all guilty of that. He cursed all the time through and he acted shocked when I told him he wasn't ready to meet my parents... Also, he called me "dude" which is was the oddest thing and all my friends noticed.
Excessive cursing + broham attitude = dealbreaker.
So, John, if a girl has cats, you wouldn't even pursue her? I mean, I'm not judging, but that's exactly how I feel about smoking. I mean, if they quit for me, that would be acceptable, it's not like they aren't saving their own life in the process, but I couldn't date someone who continued to smoke.
I agree. My grandpa, aunt and uncle all died from causes related to smoking and it makes me so angry. Smoking is an instant turn off and I would never even consider dating a smoker. Ever.
I'm with you Emily. Its so stupid and disgusting. I cant be with someone wh deals with stress in such an unhealthy, self-destructive manner.
as a smoker i just want to say that smoking sucks! most of us want to quit, unfortunately, its not that easy. and, its not really a reflection of our personalities, so dont rule out smokers entirely, just make it known that you think its disgusting, maybe that will give them motivation to quit ^shrug^
I can't stand cats (unless they're like dogs in a feline body). A girl with a cat or two, ok, can be considered normal. A guy with cats...well, let's just say I run the other way. Fast. That's just way too weird. There's a guy upstairs from me who dresses his dog in fuzzy pink sweaters in the winter and that's creepy enough.
I also hate anal neat-freaks. Sure, being clean and tidy is a good thing, but don't be like my best friend who gets down on his hands and knees with a toothbrush scrubbing the corners. I love my boy dearly, but he really needs to loosen up.
I have to agree about the waitstaff/CS thing. Every time the guy treats this poor person like a machine or less than human, it tells me he has no respect for others at all. And that is a total turn-off right there. Plus, it's a pretty good indicator of how he'll treat me in the future.
WHAT IF THE WAITER IS RUDE TO YOU???? I bitchslap them if that was the case, but im usually the sweetest gal =D.
i have to say, i feel a little offended. i am a huge buffy the vampire slayer fan and i hate the crap that t.v. show gets.
"quoted "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" all the time (I've never seen that show.)"
He didn't actually dis the show, as you'll see in his above comment. Only the fact that someone quoted it constantly.
I once dated a guy who texted "2marrow" (with the letter A??) instead of "tomorrow", and used "big words" but pronouced them incorrectly. He also seemed to "forget his wallet" everytime we went out. I don't mind paying sometimes, but don't lie to get me to pay for your shit.
Obviously it didn't work out.
Oh God, I know what you mean about the wallet thing. My last bf would take me somewhere nice, then when the bill came he'd look at me and say, "So, you're getting this, right? I don't have any money." Then when I would explain that his expectation wasn't fair, he would throw a fit and accuse me of being selfish and say that he knew I had money. Yeah, for rent and groceries I did. If he had bothered to ask, I would have told him that if he wanted to eat out, he needed to let me choose a place I could pay for.
I don't mind paying sometimes, but if I pay, I should be able to choose the date event. If the date is his idea, he should either pay or ask to go dutch beforehand so I don't get stuck with a bill I can't afford. I shouldn't have to pay for his $20 lasagna plate with all the trimmings just because he wants to eat out and get a free meal on someone else's dime. Rant over!
Hey-ho JDV,
I am delurking myself to inform you that waiter/waitress is a pretty tired term. I suppose the politically correct term would be 'server'. It is also a lot less akward to use in this context. I know some of you guys are probably going to say I am being anal about this - but as a server (one of the many jobs to keep me in school), I find it more professional when my customers refer to me that way. I guess waitress has gained some sort of perjorative connotations along the way?
I'm just sayin'.
I think it's wrong to outright "hate" any living creature for no reason other than preconceived prejudices.
That said, what's with the hippie tag?
My only real, true, can't get over it deal breaker is when a guy can't stand up to his parents, particularly his mother. Call it a fear of future in laws that try and run your life.