How much time do you have?
If he doesn't want to get married, that's a big one. But there are others:
- He's already married
- You've never met him in person
- He cheats on you
- He hits you
- He's dead
- You're "pretty sure" you love him... or vice versa
- You speak different languages and have no idea what the other is saying
- He's Mel Gibson
- He's Mystery Man
- You love kids, he hates them, or vice versa
- He's a priest and has taken a vow of celibacy
- He's a drunk or a junkie
- He's a junk or a drunkie
- He likes Lynyrd Skynyrd, Miley Cyrus, or John Tesh
- He wants to live in a cabin in the mountains, stock up on weapons and write angry, threatening letters to the government
- He's terrible in bed (unless you want to teach him)
- He thinks clitoris is a brand of mouthwash. Or that actress, whatsherface, Leachman?
- He instructs you not to speak unless spoken to
- His family hates you and/or you hate them
- He's gay and only wants you as his beard
- He doesn't laugh at Arrested Development, The Big Lebowski, or David Sedaris
- His mother still does his laundry
- He lives at home, likes it, wants to stay
- He has no job, no ambition, no goals in life
- He's dead broke (unless you want to support him)
- He wants an open marriage and you don't
- He makes excuses not to spend time with you
- You make excuses in your mind for his various bad behaviors and believe that he will magically transform into a completely different guy once you marry him
I'm betting our readers can add more.
The list is great but the "tag" says it all.
"He's Mystery Man" Truer words have never been spoken, Sir Wise-Ass.
The tag is the best indicator though.
-His major goal in life is to have a complete sex change to the other side.
-His kids hate you and call you "Dad's hooker girlfriend."
-He thinks the way to turn your crank is to sing "Fat-Bottomed Girls."
-He completely blames you for losing $200 on lottery scratchers.
-He tells you that you'll never do any better than him, all the while stratching his balls.
-He wrecks your car and refuses to take responsibility.
-He tries to dissuade you from finishing college.
-He's trying to find a sugar mama.
-He turns everyone in the trailer park against you.
Cloris Leachman--ha ha ha ha ha!
All good except for Lynrd Skynyrd. Really? Who doesn't like Tuesday's Gone?
- He calls you names
- He scolds you for your 'bad behavior' to justify his own
- He is mean to you when he is unhappy at work
- He's cold and doesn't care
- He refuses to apologize for hurting your feelings because he "meant it at the time"
- He doesn't get you gifts for Christmas, your birthday, etc. because he puts it off
Oh wait.... I'm not talking to the poster anymore, I'm talking to myself! lol
I had a boyfriend that used to do the same thing (refuse to apologize for saying mean things during arguments). I forgot about that. Yet another reason it didn't work out.
Great contributions above, and from my experiencee:
-he's petty or vindictive or self-centered
-he doesn't value your opinon as much as his own without additional evidence
-he's threatened by your potential or your accomplishments
-he isn't naturally kind, generous or considerate toward other people of different walks of life.
+1 to jude's #3, haha
Obvs, no one is perfect and most people could probably work on one or two things on the lists above. But if the majority of the points everyone has contributed are ringing true, I'd say you should keep looking. Even if you think he is/could be a pretty good guy despite all that, these are things that can't really be changed with out serious work/professional help.
Don't waste your time trying to move mountains.
Here's a good way to decide: on a piece of paper, write down all the things that really bother you about your relationship with your man. Then turn the paper over and write all the things you love about the relationship with your man. Then be a big girl and decide what's more important to you.