When a woman of interest walks in a room, guys (even really really dumb guys) get this wave of Sherlock Holmesian deduction skills. All other things in the room slow down and distort out of focus. We are left with our minds fully dedicated to calibrating and assessing this new woman at hand.
1. Eyes: Princess Jasmine doe eyes? Icy blues? Mystic green? Blah brown?
a. Teeth: Clean and straight-ish? White without the Long Island/Hollywood ultra glow?
b. Lips: Joker wide? Toddler small? Chapped? Lubed beyond reason?
3. Ears: Super boney? Mega lobes? Cute and simple? Hair hiders?
4. Boobs: Cave man basics - Big? Small? Firm? Floppy? Also is she making them her visual calling card or keeping them tucked away?
5. Hands: Attention to finger size and width. Nubby and stubby? Basketball palming, ET large? Also, how are those nails and cuticles looking?
6. Thighs to Butt Ratio: Sporty? Thin? Thick as a brick? Basically, is she hiding or hollerin' this area?
7. Feet: Hobbit or Natalie Portman? Will I wear her shoes when I can't find mine?
8. Hair: Sweet make-out, roll around the grass, hair? Sleek, Club, pull-back, hair? Morning monster hair? Oily-ick locks?
9. Voice and Speech: Hoarse and scary? 8-yr-old girl creepy? Foreign exotic? California Rich girl? New York tough-ass? Midwest modest?
10. Overall Vibe and Body Language: Is she a Pushy Patty or Mellow Mary? A Sexy Sandy? Insecure Isabelle? Do I click with this human? Yes, we have concluded she is hot as hell, but she's also wearing a giant Gucci necklace and Prada jacket -- Abort Mission, Funny Guy, not your type! Repeat, Abort!