The first rule of being a "friend with benefits" is: you should both be single.
I have written plenty of times about how much I can't stand the term "friends with benefits." That phrase is used only to make booty calls seem classier, and to help commitmentphobes lie to themselves about actually being in a relationship. In love, I believe in "game on" or "game off." As a concept, "friends with benefits" is an attempt to have the best of both worlds. But it's a lie. In a "friends with benefits" situation, someone is always going to want more or less. But because you're just "friends," the topic of emotional and sexual needs cannot be broached. A 'friend with benefits" is a relationship that thinks it's a friendship. It's a mutual self-deception that doesn't end well... for someone.
I learned to ride a bike without training wheels. Sure, I fell down and went splat multiple times. But I learned quickly. I swam without inflatable wings and I bowled with out gutter guards. Which means I had to figure out that the quickest route to success is through a field of failure. I learned to love without "friends with benefits."
But this rant doesn't matter, does it? Because you're not even a "friend with benefits" with this guy. You're the other woman. You're cheating with this guy on his girlfriend. It sounds like you're an ex who won't let go, and you're playing for keeps, helping him to sabotage his current relationship.
I repeat: you're not his "friend with benefits." You are just cheating. Doesn't matter if he's an ex. And there are no rules in this regard. You are breaking the rules in order to get what you want. Or what your ego/libido/heart wants. And you want it so badly, you don't care who gets hurt. Or maybe you do care. Is that the point? Eventually breaking this woman's heart because she has what you had?
Oh, phooey. Who cares? Look -- if there's one thing I can't stand it's a douche without self-awareness. A jerk who refuses to acknowledge they're a jerk. Own your crappy, selfish behavior, take responsibility for it. I promise you it will be of some comfort when karma turns around and plants it's steel-toed work boot up your ass.
Awesome
HEAR HEAR!!!
Count me as a "game on" or "game off" kinda person too! I absolutely LOATHE the term "friends with benefits". What's even sneakier is the person who claims to not want to be FWB but continues to try and guide the relationship in that manner. ARGH! Dating sucks.
Good answer, BTW:)
Count me as a "game on" or "game off" kinda person too! I absolutely LOATHE the term "friends with benefits". What's even sneakier is the person who claims to not want to be FWB but continues to try and guide the relationship in that manner. ARGH! Dating sucks.
Good answer, BTW:)
*Applause*
Why would you want to be with man who obviously doesn't respect women, or you for that matter. He's basically saying telling you that you're not good enough, and unless you want to get back together with this guy, which would be a totally low move, since he already has a girlfriend. Find someone new, find someone who respects you and ONLY you. Why would you want to be the other woman?? Put down your insecurities and move on, women who cheat are pretty trashy anyway, is that an image you want for yourself?
*Thunderous applause*
"I promise you it will be of some comfort when karma turns around and plants it's steel-toed work boot up your ass. " -I plan to quote you for the rest of my life. ha ha.
Cheating has always been a crazy concept in my mind.. I can't even consider to look at other men after I've gotten out of a relationship, let alone hook up with them while I'm in one. When its true, you will not stray.. that's all I'm sayin.
P.S. Thank you for putting this person in their place. Friends with benefits my behind!
Amen.
I can only hope the person who asked this is under the age of, say, 22, so there's a change she's just too young to know any better. This is one of those life lessons people need to learn young. Don't be a friggin' cheat!
OMG! This has to be my absolute favorite response! WAY TO GO, JOHN! I think I'm gonna' print it out and hand it to all my friends who think they have FWB! Totally kick-a** answer.
Any other answer would've sucked. Thanks for being so brutally honest.
"Friends with benefits" is an illusion. It's like gambling at the casino when you're broke as a joke and thinking that if you just play long enough you'll win the jackpot. Yeah right. Put your money in that slot and you'll just wind up the poorer for it.
Give me hot (I'm in a relationship) or cold (I'm alone) anyday. What's up with this wishy-washy fwb, anyways? What happened to solo sessions with your trusty vibrator? Or going out there and tackling the dating game?
Maybe I'm getting old, but that doesn't make sense to me.
Yeah, some of my friends may be getting the link to this answer from me....
AMEN!!!!
GREAT RESPONSE!!! Totally agree.
Holy smokes DeVore. Way to be honest..this was probably the best answer I've read.
Curious to know more about the same. Can you carve out more details?
I was looking online for justification or anything to do with FWB...finally read something that makes me feel the world isn't all that bad yet...my current bf had a couple of FWB and even tho it was in the past and I shouldn't care about that..I can't seem to get over it completely...it's like I can't understand how someone can just separate sex and love and lie to themselves 'this is ok'. Even tho he told me he isn't proud of what he did yet he also said if we ever break up he can't say he wouldn't go back to that lifestyle again..and since we break up it probably wouldn't matter to me or is not my business...but the sad thing is...breaking up may not necessary man is over forever...yet if I know that if that does happen and he goes around sleeping with another woman already cuz of his 'needs'...it just disgust me. What's up with people nowaday? really..