Let's see disease free with a solid reputation. Sounds pretty good on paper, however, I wouldn't be too worried about what the guys think, rather I am troubled by this idea you have about waiting to lose your virginity.
The problem with finding the right person to share this experience with is that you will most likely find yourself very disappointed. You will either end up married and lose your virginity that night, which as I pointed out here, is a terrible idea (the dude could be a total pervert or be carrying some disease). Or, in the alternative, you will get suckered by some sleazebag who will convince you that he's the one, and then run like the wind after he's taken away this precious thing you've cherished so greatly. Ouch!
I would recommend getting it out of the way. Don't wait for "the one." Go with someone nice and preferably disease-free. Oh, and don't get pregnant.
okay, MM you've (somewhat) redeemed yourself after saying that 130 lbs on a chick is chubby.
don't wait. have sex. have LOTS of sex. it's fun! spread the love around!
What terrible advice. There are plenty of solid good reasons to wait.
Not waiting just because your first "might" be some loser is a stupid.
This girl should be applauded not told she should "just get it over with".
Let me tell you something Miss Question Asker: Don't just get it over with, wait until you are ready.
Most guys will actually be turned on by the fact that you are a virgin. Consider how much more value diamond has than jade. Why? Because of it's rarity. So from the perspective of what guys like virginity is pretty high up on the list.
Personally I'd be a bit perturbed if the guy I was with preferred me because I'm a virgin. I mean, yes, they get to explore uncharted territories and all, and there's the disease-free issue, but I'd like to think that I'm more than a metaphorical hymen to break.
(19, still a virgin, in no rush but not actually waiting either.)
(diamond are not rare, it's a general misconception. They are expensive because of the work they require, and because they last pretty much for ever.)
As for the actual matter at hand, my opinion would be somewhere between your comment and MM's answer.
Some guy would actually be intimidated but the fact of being the first, some would be releaved because of the lack of comparison, and anything they may "do wrong" will go unnoticed (and I would have some suspitions regarding a guy who is "turned on" by her virginity).
However, she should definitly wait untill she is ready and find a guy that respects her (and her virginity) and do not see her as a trophy in a deflowering contest.
First times are rarely wonderfull and perfect (or even the way you imagined it would be) but they are always unforgetable. So you should at least choose some nice guy you are comfy and have great fun with.
I have serious issue with this answer, MM, and I usually really like your answers (although I hadn't realize you thought 130 lbs was chubby. Have you ever heard of BMI? I consider myself curvy at 170, but I was thin at 150, and I'm an average height).
Anyway, I'm 20 and a virgin. I know we're rare, and I don't consider us "more valuable" for it. But I don't want to BE the girl that has one night stands. People I know who do that even don't like it. It's not that I'm waiting for Prince Charming, and ideally, I would like to sleep with more than one person in my life (though things are moving pretty slowly now, so who knows if that will happen). I just think we need to respect that people move at different paces--even if guys do tend to view 20-year-old virgins in a certain light (be it good or bad).
And there ARE some guys in the same position (and not on a religious persepective either).
I agree with Dektora. I think you should wait until you find the right person that you want to share that experience with. This person should someone who is caring and respectful and a person that you are comfortable with, because it may not be a very pleasant experience. If you're not ready, don't do it, but you shouldn't wait forever.
And about the 130 pounds = chubby article. A surprising number of people misunderstood what he was going for on that. The woman used to weigh 130, but she had a son and gained 40 pounds. Her husband didn't want her to lose the extra weight by joining a kickboxing class. MM said that the husband was a chubby chaser, as he preferred the extra weight. He was not calling her fat.
Ladies, keep in mind that this Web site is called "GUYspeak," not "GIRLspeak." Although Mystery Man has a valid argument from his perspective, he is a man, therefore he will never never understand the potentially life-altering (and sometimes debilitating) emotional baggage that giving away your virginity at the wrong time or to the wrong person can cause. The best way to prevent disease contraction, pregnancy and/or emotional scarring during your first time - or during any time for that matter - is to GET TO KNOW the guy BEFORE you sleep with him...completely regardless of religious affiliations or moral ramifications...just get to know him first.
I'm with Mystery Man on this one. Someone nice and disease-free is great, although I would add that you can't truly find that out with someone you've just met in a bar or someplace; so one night stands are out.
I'm a 21 year old virgin, intercourse wise, so I've had sexual experiences. And I am an avid believer that it is important to explore your own body and learn to give pleasure to yourself. I consider myself a very sexual person, except for the fact that I haven't done the do.
Personally, I'm not waiting for anything in particular. I don't get out much, so I don't meet many guys, except for the ones at work, and I've been around them enough to hear how they talk about women that I'd prefer not to have them talk about me! There's many reasons to wait, I waited until this long because I did not want to be a teenage mother statistic. Unfortunately/(fortunately?) my birth mother gave birth to me at the young age of 15, and I was given up for adoption. I never wanted to have something similar happen to me, so abstinence was the answer. But that's over now, I could potentially take care of a child if birth control ever failed. So now I'm just waiting, not for 'the one', but for someone nice and disease free. I mean sex is supposed to be fun right? It doesn't have to be about some deeper meaning; I'm just waiting for someone I'm comfortable enough to have fun with... naked.
But yeah, I do definitely worry about whether it's a total turn-off, but I'm more experience than a 'pure' virgin, so I try not to worry about it too much.
As an aside note, I think my mom worries about my virginity. She's always dropping hints, and telling me to have affairs and such. Who'd have thought pressure would come from that avenue? But, I'm not a teenager anymore, so maybe she's trying to make up for years of telling me that waiting for marriage was important (something I have/had no intention of doing). It's baffling and a little strange.
Okay - to answer the question and not get into a debate as to have sex or not:
No - most guys will not find it a turn off. Those guys that run away are the ones you don't want anyway. They're the ones that are hoping to get lucky quickly and with everything they can.
I'm a 21 year old virgin, but not because I'm waiting for the right guy to come along, I'm just really unattractive.
I'm a 22 year old virgin (what a spinster!) and I laugh about it. I waiting for someone I can trust, not marriage, not love.
I agree with Jess. There is common assumption that virgins are completely inexperienced. Well, there is a lot more to sex than just penetration. I also agree that as a 22 year old virgin, I've have more opportunity to get to know my body so I know what I need in the bedroom. Like I always say, I'm a virgin, not a nun.
I totally agree. And I am 26. I have had much experience getting to know myself. And I feel weird expressing that here now.
OK. I understand the chick wants to wait until she finds the right dude. I was 22 when i lost it, to and old boyfriend. He wasn't the right dude. To be honest its only good sex if you are really digging the person. After i lost my virginity i went shank whore. I slept with 5 dudes within a year span, keep in mind i work w/ aleast 3 of them. I told you you'll go penis happy. Make sure you use protection, I'm surprised i never got pregnant. (I'm 23 now, 24 in february). JUST HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE GENUINE GUY!!!!! You'll like se and become a sexolic. LOL LOL LOL
I'm 23, almost 24, and I'm still a virgin. It's by choice. I'm not waiting for a fairy tale, I'm not waiting for Prince Charming...I'm just waiting for someone deserving. I prefer to avoid all the month-long-stress-bouts putting up with the "I hope I start my period soon so I can be sure I'm baby-free," (despite the birth control and condoms) and "man, I hope his penis just had zits" worries. I may be a virgin, but I don't live under a rock. It's your body, do what you want with it. If a guy doesn't respect you (and trust me, most of them won't) because of it...then bounce. One thing I learned early on is that virgins are either a guy's biggest turn on (which are the ones you need to watch out for most), or a complete turn-off, because they like someone with experience. The ones who specifically find "virgins" in general a 'challenge', or a turn-on, are the ones you need to watch out for. Those are the idiots who will smooth talk the Hell out of you, even if it takes months...and they're REALLY good at it...but, then once you give it up...they have nothing left to compete for. The others...well, they don't have much going for them in general. I'm not against sex....if you want to do it, then do it, and I don't look down on anyone who likes "gaining experience." But, I hate the hippie-liberal-expressionists who badger you for being a virgin when you should be "experimenting." Grow up...that's like telling a person to choose a specific religion or political affiliation. It's your body...if you feel strongly about keeping your virginity until you know you're ready...then keep it. Don't let some doucherocket convince you you need to be having sex to make sure your honeymoon doesn't suck...that's probably the dumbest reason to lose your virginity. I'm sure the responses to this post will be exactly as expected...but, don't listen to them. You're an adult, which means you get to make your own choices and you get to decide how you feel about those decisions.
I was two months from turning twenty when I lost my virginity and not only did he end up giving me an std but he also got someone pregnant and hit up on one of my friends . I am 24 now and I wish I would have waited for the right guy. Looking back I can honestly say I was not comfortable with giving him my virginity and I didn't feel like he was treating me the way he should have. But I wanted to get it over with and figured that I had strong enough feelings for the both of us.(Yes I thought I was in love) My advice would be to wait until you are comfortable and don't tell guys that you are a virgin. Just getting it over with is never a good thing. Respect yourself and a man will have no choice but to do the same.
Peace and Blessings.
Well let me start off by saying that despite what everyone else thinks not all guys are the same even guys will have a opposing opinions about this. The simple fact is from my point of view it is a turn-on for several reasons. One I have a huge fear of getting a disease which doesn't work too well with my love for sex. Two it is a great ego booster because you can hear that you are the best they ever had and well it's not a lie and you know it. Three if i am looking for a serious relationship, knowing that I was the only one is always a relief. And four helping them learn with you makes them like all the same things you do so the sex normally gets pretty awesome later on.
Now with all that being said I don't like going after virgins and avoid them for the most part because I am a decent guy who wouldn't want to risk breaking a girls heart just for good sex. Now if I am after an actual relationship where I have more in mind than sex then Virgins are ok. But like i said you will get a bunch of different answers, but I don't know many guys who would complain about you being a virgin. Do look out for the guys who like the "challenge" though normally a great sign of a "hit it and quit it." Just use your own judgement and morals you should be alright.
dpain - how do you spot a guy like that? the charmer who just wants to hit it? i am 24 and still a virgin as well, and i have this big trust issue because i always think that that's what any guy is going for, and it makes me scared because i'm not ready. i assume not all charming guys are like that - how can you tell though? especially if the dude's trying to get it for months?
Use your gut. Unfortunately, those type of guys don't come with any type of warning label...it's just a feeling. You'll learn to pick up on it. Usually, guys like that will try extremely hard in the first week or two...as in, calling incessantly, making plans/dates, sweet-talking, etc...then, if you still haven't shown any sign of giving in and sleeping with him, you'll notice it will start to taper off a lot sooner than a guy who is actually interested in dating you (which is true in any case, but even more so in a situation like this). I know my boyfriend is with me for me, and not anything more. After almost 8 months, and coming as close as humanly possible TO sex, without actually having sex...he knows my will power to remain a virgin farrrrr outweighs my overactive hormones. He still calls, he still makes plans, he still acts the same way he acted within the first 2 weeks of dating. So, it's mostly a matter of learning how to read his motives. As a generalization, guys are mostly comparable to ADD. They get bored easily. They'll try extremely hard for a while, but after a while...they start getting bored. So, if he's still sticking around after several months/years...then, you know his intentions are for reasons other than just sleeping with you. NOT to say that he doesn't WANT to...but, at least you'll be able to tell when it's not the only thing he has planned.
wow...way to sugar coat the cherry popping.....sheesh =\
I lost my virginity when I was 19, almost 20. I had dated the guy for two years first, and it was FANTASTIC. I had other boyfriends, and was "sexually active" with my "first" and my last ex before I became SEXually active. My boyfriend understood that my first time was important, and since it would be his first time too, he wanted it to mean just as much. We are still together, and i look back on my first time fondly as the perfect first time I always had hoped for.
I ALMOST lost it to my ex, who was an immature idiot, but was, "nice and std free". I regret to this day the things I DID do with him. I said I was too young to keep doing such adult things, and that definitely meant no sex. He was a creep after that.
The point is, if your virginity DOES mean something to you, do it with someone you love. If you love the person, completely and fully, the type of love where you would marry them right then and there if you could, you will never regret it. Even if it wasn't necessarily good sex, you'll be pleased with the emotional connection created when two people make love who are IN love. I'd suggest doing other things first, since naked time is fun time, but hold off on sex for a while. If the guy is respectful about your wishes to wait a while, it shows that he doesn't just want to use you for the deed.
I would just highly recommend you not wait till marriage. Sex, living together, who sleeps on which side of the bed, these things are all important things to experience before the wedding night.
To sum it up: So don't just give it up to get it over with, do it with someone you truly love and who you know truly loves and respects you, don't expect the best sex in the world, and do it before marriage.
I'm a virgin and I would never want to jus lose it just to get it over with or to make the guy happy I come first and viginity is precious to me and if the guy is met to have it he should be able ro wait because I'm worth it… 18 and still waiting and in no rush…
wow. i really hope you never have kids! i can imagine the talk you would have with a daughter "hey honey, start screwing asap, its easier that way" jeez your such an ass
Crappy advice.
As a 24 year old virgin I am constantly feeling pressure from some friends (who don't understand) to lose it but I am very happy that I haven't. I am also waiting for the right guy who is deserving and it's good to hear that there are other women out there, in my age group with the same beliefs.
I've had so many opportunities for boyfriends and sex but I haven't. It can be difficult but it's definitely worth it! Besides, it seems like most of our peers are having enough sex for everyone!
Stay strong girls...and guys!
Sara
Plain and simple, women are worth more than just their hymens.
If you are holding back on sex because your virginity is how you value yourself as a person, than you definitely need some boosting in the self-esteem department.
I retained my virginity through the age of 20, and I never met any guy who was judgmental about it. If you value yourself as an independent person, (socially, professionally, etc,) your virginity should not be an issue to any guy you date, especially the one you decide to give it up to. If anything, he'll be more attentive and aware of the situation when you do decide he's worth the plunge.
it's great to wait for the right persons
I am a virgin of 23 going to 24.I don't regret ever being one. I'm seriously waiting to give it 2 my future and deserving husband as a gift of love. So if you are are virgin carry your head high 'cos you are a seriously wanted material in the market[don't mean pompous] but high esteem, 'cos its not easy to keep your morals in tack.
Mind not these boys and girls. Real men(not boys) know the value and they go for it. Some boys and girls criticize it 'cos they are not, deep inside them they regret loosing theirs' but they won't tell you and they want you to join them. Pls don't give a damn to those irrelevant talks that matters not to your value.
Virginity is worth keeping and I'm proud to be one, Cheers!
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