Interesting question.
How you carry yourself, or the level of confidence you exude, is much more important than whatever flaws you're seeing in the mirror. A guy is not going to notice that you didn't put on lip liner or you have a zit on your forehead (unless it's one of those monstrous things that looks like an alien is about to pop out of it).
Nobody scrutinizes our looks nearly as much as we do. Flaws are subjective, anyway. You might think you have a big nose, but a guy could think it's cute. Haven't you ever said, "I'm having the worst hair day," and a friend says, "Really? I was just thinking it looked nice today." She might be lying, of course, but probably not. People just don't notice what we notice, and even if they do, they don't care nearly as much as we do. They're too busy worrying about how they look to you.
There are limits, of course. If you show up for a date with unwashed, matted hair, bad breath, crust in your eyes, boogers in your nose and broccoli in your teeth, yeah, a guy's gonna notice that.
Self-confidence is much more noticeable and attractive than most physical features. No one is physically perfect, anyway, so forget that notion and roll with what you've got. If you're not feeling confident, yes, fake it. No one will know the difference, and fake confidence has a way of becoming real if you do it long enough, since it's really just positive thinking.
So yeah, sleep in some days and pull your hair back in a scrunchie. We'll still think you're hot.
I know someone who lives by the principle of "say it and make it so." In other words she believes if she tells herself often enough that she is attractive and feels confident in her appearance that it becomes a reality. That is her way of saying fake it till you make it, I guess. It seems to work for her, but then she is quite attractive anyway, so that helps. HA! Some of us aren't able to shake our insecurities quite that easily, though.
Awsome advice Cary! I remember having to use the "fake it til you make" manatra in a job interview once because I was so nervous and lacked so much confidence, but I wanted the job SO badly. So I acted like I had all the confidence in the world and it worked! So it really is just positive/wishful/hopeful thinking. Whoever you're trying to impress, they dont know the difference!
You know what's amazing? This answer made me feel confident. At least five times a day I'm saying, "WOW, I look absolutely horrible" ....and then I feel that way...so if I started saying, "WOW, I look absolutely lovely and gorgeous!" Then maybe I'll start seeing it. Thanks a lot for this answer it was great.
You are absolutely gorgeous. :)
Does this apply to being naked with a guy?
Yes, yes and yes again. Once you get to nakey time the guy is even less likely to notice those small flaws. All he sees is NAKED woman, not that one of your areolae is bigger than the other by 2 millimeters.
I want to talk but everything i touch pushes it awayl Hey Bggee whats it alabout
Hi, I love my guy. We're having a lot of financial problems not becase we dont both work like dogs. How can I get him to be like he was before this financial mess came on in the u.s. We are both tired. There are a bunch of guys where I work who want it from me. So far nothingl but im human. i just do myself.
It's all about confidence. On Friday I worked overtime, was wearing jeans and a hoodie (and not some cute hoodie that looks good, it was a men's black baggy hoodie) and a pair of black leather converse hi-tops, no make up except some dark eye shadow I put on in the elevator ride from at my office. I went out to a bar after work, with my sister, to meet up with her BF and guys he works with. I still felt happy, confident, and made a point to socialize. In the end I had one guy flirting with me, finding little reasons to touch my shoulders, or ask questions, and another guy bought me a couple drinks and asked me out on a date. I can say, for a fact, I wasn't the hottest/cutest girl in the room, wasn't trying hard, and look better 360 days out of the year. Smile, love yourself, and rock whatever you've got going on. Even if it just happens to be a pair of ass kicking boots.
I had this happen to me recently too. No make-up, blah clothes, barely brushed hair- hit on repeatedly. I made the hard decision to break-up with a guy who wasn't making time for me (he was just not that into me, thank you Cary). So I ended up having a no-holds-barred kinda night at a bar later. I felt I had nothing to lose, so the insecurities just dropped away. Plus I felt like if people noticed my crappy shoes, what did it matter if they noticed my splotchy skin too? No one, but no one is ever perfect (unless you are airbrushed).
I know exactly what you guys are talking about! sometimes i go out with absolutely no make up on and feel like i look terrible, but guys are still talking to me. i think they really do notice the confidence. i've seen so many girls who really arent that attractive chased by guys, and it was all because of their confidence. it's extremely hard, but im definitely working on it.
easy talking about confidence, what if there's big pores and pimples on your face? Does confidence still apply?