Wait, legal expenses?
If he's putting in the effort to call, that's a good thing, especially if the calls last a while. That said, what kind of legal expenses are we talking about here? Divorce? Child custody hearings? Criminal fines?
If this is bothering you, you need a realistic timeframe for when it's going to stop being an issue, and if it isn't, you've got to ask yourself how willing you are to deal with that.
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wait... it's hard to close his accounts on dating sites? How is it hard?
Sometimes pretty difficult, like deleting Facebook, you have to delete every bit of info individually. It's a hassle, but not impossible, though he might just be waiting for the site to auto delete his account for being inactive. Also if it's one he's paid for, the contract my be such that he has to pay a fee to delete it before the contracts up, or some other crazy things so he's just waiting it out again. I'm nit the op, those are just some of the difficulties I've seen.
:/ I think when you're in a committed relationship, you should take the time to take down your dating profiles. I can't help thinking "it's too hard" is actually another way of saying he's keeping his options open.
From significant experience, and a similar situation, please allow me to provide the following insight:
If you want to close a dating profile, it's not hard. Really. He is full of it.
I've seen men literally "hide" it while I was on the phone with them. I've seen information/photos/summaries get erased in a hot second. My ex had totally convinced me that he couldn't take his photos down, because the system wouldn't let him. REALLY? He put up photos in 5 minutes. Come on now. Unless his mouse broke, his hand broke and he went temporarily blind, he's not being honest.
Ask him to give you his password, so YOU can take it down. See what response you get. Or give it to me, and I'll erase it for you in a matter of minutes.
Not sure what "legal" reasons are for him not visiting you, but ask yourself how many times in the last year have you seen him since you've "been together"?
He might be seeking out the comfort and company of someone local, even if he "does" proclaim his love for you, because that's part of being human...desiring companionship.
I would recommend that you maintain your warm and fuzzy feelings for him, but if he isn't going to "find a way" to close his dating profile, then say you will continue to date him, but consider yourself available to date others also.
Self-respect is not something to be compromised.
That's what I was thinking. "It's hard to close my dating profile" is a bullsh*t excuse. Sorry.
I have to agree with everyone else here. I was dating my last bf for a year (we met on a dating site) and the entire time he left his profile up. I asked him numerous times to take it down and he claimed that he forgot the password.
Lo and behold, within 5 minutes of us breaking up, he had updated his profile with his current location and a new photo.
Don't fall for the bs. Guys like that leave the profiles up because they are always on the lookout for "something better". You deserve better than that!
It's true that if you're a paying customer, you can sign up online, but you have to phone them (Eastern time) during their office hours.
However, he only made 2 efforts to take it down!
"I would recommend that you maintain your warm and fuzzy feelings for him, but if he isn't going to "find a way" to close his dating profile, then say you will continue to date him, but consider yourself available to date others also."... That's what I was thinking! As long as his profile is up, I am fair game too.
The legal matter is he's suing his business partner. Basically, the partner embezzled and mismanaged the money. If he wins the civil suit, they'll charge him criminally. Could be another year, because these lawyers & the defendant are purposely dragging it out.
You know what else is weird? He hasn't visited me in 10 months and he's coming down here for Christmas.
Dear Baraka (original poster):
I am concerned for your situation, because I see so many red flags (and some other readers might also).
It doesn't matter how young (or old) you are, how experienced in relationships you are, but if someone is a good manipulator, or has a behavioral pathology, you can be taken advantage of without knowing it.
You seem to have great intentions and a kind, patient personality, which may be perfect combo for someone who wants to deceive you.
You haven't seen him in 10 months, so considering that you have been together for a year, means you only saw him a few times (or less) when you just met? If you were with him, even 24/7 for two months, that's not enough time to get to know someone before they relocate and conduct their personal/business life elsewhere.
Regardless of the lawsuit that your BF is "dealing with", I'm sure he doesn't need to go to court on weekends, so why hasn't he jumped on a plane (or car or train...don't know how far you are from him) to see you for a couple days? Why haven't you met in the middle? Why hasn't he invited you to be with him for a weekend?
It's MORE THAN WEIRD. It's a red flag and I think you know it, but you're afraid to lose a guy who you think really likes you and is making future plans with you, though they are just words at this point.
I've learned, the hard way, might I add, that words mean NOTHING if there isn't any action followup. Even saying I LOVE YOU means nothing if he isn't honest about the other things he says and does.
I am sorry to be the splash of cold water in your face, but it's only because I (and most likely others on the outside of your relationship) see this pattern all of the time. It's not new. It's actually quite common with men who want to "have their cake, and eat it too". It's an awkward saying, but boy is it spot on.
I mentioned before that self-respect is not something to be compromised. Well, neither is your dignity.
Be very wary of this relationship even if he DOES visit at Christmas. Protect yourself: mind, body and soul.
For what its worth: I've gone up there many times. Last winter, I was practically there every other week. Gone to his family's cabin for summer vacation with his brother and SIL. Met his family & friends. Went to a wedding with him where people seemed to know who I was before I introduced myself.
I do agree with you about me being a good target because I'm kind and patient. I don't know any other way to be without turning cynical.
I appreciate your splash of cold water because I tend to believe people are as honest as me, which can get me into trouble.
I think I'm done talking to him about his Profile. I'm going to start dating again. Just as he didn't tell me his Profile is up, I won't be telling him my options are open, too.
I don't understand why he calls me almost every single night before bedtime. Why not just go date other women and leave me to date other men? Why bother?