That's a seriously judgmental statement from someone who is: 1) a guy; 2) probably under 25; 3) probably has no kids. He's not a mother, so who is he to judge working moms? Has he been in that situation before? I doubt it.
Let's say you're a woman who works and you get pregnant. You already get three months off for maternity leave; do you think your boss would give you an extra year on top of that so you could stay home with your baby? Then give you your same job back at the same pay after you've been gone for 15 months? Keep dreaming.
Your friend is right on one count: of course babies need their moms. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a clear picture of how the real world works, or how much it costs to raise a child (it would blow his mind). A large percentage of working moms of infants do not do so by choice, but by necessity. I think most women would love the chance to stay home with the child for a year or more if they could. Even if not, even if they work by choice, so what? To each her own.
It's not a crime to leave your child with a sitter while you work. There are millions of babies in day care every day. They aren't damaged emotionally because Mom isn't with them every minute of the day. Every mother has to decide what's best for her and her child; both deserve to be happy. Many are better moms because they can get out of the house and have a career on top of being a mom. Like everything else in parenting, it's a juggling act.
So, to answer your question, no, that's not the concensus, at least not among guys who live in reality. I'm sure there are others guys like your friend with that 1950s mindset, but the rest of us understand that the world is a different place now. We also know that until you have walked in someone else's shoes, you should not judge them.
He's talking out of his ass, and if you're a working mom of an infant who's worried about men judging you, don't. He speaks only for the clueless few.
I am really glad that you answered this! Thank you!!! I had been feeling like I am doing a great job as a mother, and had already had it in my mind that I wouldn't dare take a whole lot of time off of work if I were to have another kid because then my career would be set back. And I was ok with that... Until this comment :( I have to admit, I was really taken back by it and started to wonder if I was too focused on my own world that I didn't realize how selfish it would be for me to not WANT that much time off. I love my kid, and I would be well off enough to take that kind of time off if I were to have another, but I want to work and move forward in my career.
Love the first tag!
Thanks. It's the truth.
Im sorry, but I see the guy's point. Children who are not paid attention to by a care taker w/in the first 2 years of age ARE messed up. Take a child development class. Im not saying mom has to be there 24/7. BUT, there's lots of reasons why most day cares do not take kids in under 2 years of age, one being those are prime bonding years.
Its a selfish thing to bring a child into a world that you can't provide for adequately. If you can't give that child in their first year of life the attention he/she needs for full mental development, then wait to have kids. SUre, once they're done breast feeding then its nice to stay with relatives or whatever, but in the first year???? Im sorry, way too early to work. ONE parent, or grandma, or someone, must stay home with that baby.
****And for those of you who are wondering, no, I dont have kids, but I study psychology and worked as a full time nanny starting at 6 am for a 5 year old and a 2 year old, who I essentially loved as my own. It made me so sad to watch their parents go off to work each morning when, by time they we done paying me, they would have net the same amount with the mother staying at home. The mother was truely chosing her career over her kids- at that point, its like why have them?
I strongly disagree with your generalization, prettylady. You are assuming that a child who is cared for by someone other than their parents is not being given adequate attention and won't bond properly. That is simply not true. Bonding doesn't take place just between the hours of 8am and 5 pm. Most caregivers are loving, devoted and provide a caring, nurturing environment for the children under their charge. I have seen children whose mothers stayed home with them from birth through high school develop attachment issues. There are no guarantees for things like that. When you become a parent you do the best you can. They don't come with manuals. And by the way, this is 2011. No woman should have to choose between her children and her career. She can have both -- not without some sacrifices, but it can be done and done successfully. It always makes me sad when women "beat up" on other woman because they don't approve of their choices.
FTR, I have three children (23, 21, 13) and am 8 hours away from a degree in psychology.
@redheadedchef. Im sorry, but did you read anything that I wrote at all? You disagree with things that I never said. I said children who are NOT PAID ATTENTION to by a caretaker have attachment issues, because they do. I DID NOT say or assume that all care takers are inadequate, because if you read my last part, I worked as a caretaker myself.
Its been studied and children who have one parent stay home with them ARE better adjusted individuals and have healthier attachment styles than those who dont, in general. In psych words, have a parent stay home is correlated with healthy attachement styles. No theress not guarantee, but parents should give their children the best that they can, no?
Also, I was very clear to articulate in my second paragraph part that I dont beleive that it has to be the mother who stays home with the kid, ie the words "one parent, grandma, someone, must stay home with that baby". It is 2011, its rather small minded of you to assume I was suggesting a mom stay home with the kid. I never said that.
I get why you think you disagree with me, and its because you clearly didnt read anything that I was really saying, because everything you brought up that you didnt agree with I actually didnt say.
sorry for the typos, too. especially that first sentence of the second paragraph, you know what i was trying to type.
If the mother chooses to have a career, is that really your business? Notice I don't say "over the kids" because I believe it is possible to do both and do both well.
I can appreciate the sentiment, but you have a lot of opinions and judgments for someone who isn't a parent. RedHeadedChef's reply was spot-on.
Well, I guess its not my business, but I care because I loved those kids and no they're not mine but that doesnt change the fact that I wanted so much whats best for them. It bothered me when their parents got excited for when the girl turned 2 so they could finally send her to daycare, they were like, finally she go hang out there for 8 hours. I guess we can agree to disagree. I just dont see the point of bringing someone into the world to throw them into daycare and be essentially raised my someone else. I admit that no one will ever convince me that that is a good way to bring up a child. I guess we just have different backgrounds. My mom stayed home and raised my 3 siblings and me. She was there for every field trip, sick, day, whatever, was parent club president, ran reading programs through my elementary school, was my girl scout troop leader (and my brother nad sisters), was on the swim board and she did this for all 4 of us. She read to us every night, to name a few things. No one will ever convince me that Im just as well off or well raised as those kids who were at daycare. Im sorry, but no.
Yes, I totally agree with Cary here. You can make all the judgments you want, but until you have kids, you have NO idea what that situation is like whether you have been a caretaker (I have), or been an aunt (I am, several times over) or a nanny (done that) or a babysitter or teacher (done those, too).
Unless the kid is YOUR ultimate responsibility, you just don't know what it's like to have to make the decisions -- and the money-- that ultimately effect the ENTIRE life of another human being. Just knowing that everyone else can walk away from that responsibility but you is a hair-graying, wrinkle-inducing scenario reserved only for parents.
So, as much as I actually know about raising children from real-life experiences, I don't tell anyone who has a kid to raise not to work for two years because I know I'm not going to pay their bills while they stay home to satisfy MY idea of how THEY bring up their own children...
Hello? What about the fathers? I personally believe that if a father works and is not caring for the baby, then the baby will be screwed up. Don't you agree?
Some of us moms have no choice but work after giving birth. I was Active Duty Air Force when my son was born, and in the midst of a divorce (cheating husband fessed up when I was 4 months pregnant) so my options were limited. I was back at work in two months since that is all the leave time that I was allotted with the military. I just made sure that the daycare my son was at gave the time, love and attention he needed.
Pretty lady is clueless on the reality of parenting and what difficult choices have to be made. I would have loved nothing more than to be a full time mom, since my mom was. She was just lucky enough to have a husband (my father) that: A) had a job that paid enough to support a family on one income, B) was not a cheater and C) a solid marriage.
But to let you know, my son is now 12, and honor student, in High Ability Learners (gifted programs), respectful (told to me by neighbors, parents, teachers so that I am not just bragging), funny, and well adjusted. I just did the best I could with the hand I was dealt.