You ask yourself three questions:
1) Why do they hate me, and is there is anything I can do about it? Have I offended them in some way and need to make amends? Or do they just not like me because they think no one is good enough for their golden boy (and there's little I can do about that)?
2) Does my boyfriend stand up for me to his family? What is he doing, if anything, to try to change their minds about me? Without his support, your relationship is doomed.
3) If there is nothing my boyfriend or I can do to get them to like me, do I really care? Can I live with it? Can my boyfriend? Can we be happy together without their approval of me? If so, problem solved. If not, it might be time to reassess your relationship and think about moving on, unless you're willing to wait and hope they change their minds about you. You might be waiting a long time, though.
Many relationships thrive without the approval of one or both families. A family's blessing is nice, but not mandatory. If your relationship has gone this long without their approval and you are none the worse for wear, then who cares if they like you?
That was actually 9 questions, not 3....sorry, just having a wise-ass moment ;)
You have learned well, grasshopper.
I was with a guy for almost 4 years. I never did anything to him or his family members for his mom to not like me -- I was just never good enough for her son, and for reasons out of my control. My parents got divorced shortly after my ex and I started dating and he told his mom. I didn't find this out until at the end of our relationship (I broke up with him for many reasons, including him not sticking up for me with his mom), but she apparently told him that my parents "must not believe in love" because "they got divorced and aren't Catholic" -- which ended up "making" me damaged goods in my ex's eyes. He told me I "didn't understand a healthy relationship" because of something my parents did. Ironically, my parents splitting up made me want to work to make sure a relationship was healthy. His mom's completely off-based comment set the tone for our entire relationship (his mom badmouthing me, him not sticking up for me, and him BELIEVING his mom, even though she didn't know me all that well). Soooo, like Cary said, it's doomed if he doesn't stick up for you. My advice is to cut your losses and move on -- you can't be with someone who isn't by your side when push comes to shove.
Yikes, so for four years he's known you were not relationship material?
I am a mother with the opposing view. The girl my son is dating has no respect for us. She has boundary issues. She's irresponsible. She's a gold digger. The final draw was when we found that they had been having sex in our bed -- yes, our bed, while we were away! (He was 17, she was 18) She consistantly wonders about our financial situation, and I get the impression she wonders what "they" will inherit in the future. He has now moved out on his own. (Military)
We have set our boundaries. She is not welcome in our home. If he is with her, he is not welcome in our home. We have stopped the "cash cow". He has issued utimatiums, is she isn't allowed, then he won't come. We say, that's absolutely fine, it's your life.
I believe my child has the right to make any mistakes he wants, but it doesn't require me to fund them by any means!
Well, having a child at such an advanced age and dealing with these issues must be though. I'm guessing you are mid 70s - 80s. Otherwise, I can't imagine how an 18yo's speculation on the benefits of your mortality could be anything but laughable.
You would be amazed, but again while we were away, we found that she had opened our "bank" mail. She asked my other son, which one of them would get the house. She told my son that she is dating, that if she was to have a kid by him, the law says the child would get it all...
I know, creepy....
And I forgot to add prior, we went away for one weekend and came home early. But before going home, we stopped at Walmart...only to find my husband's new camaro parked in the lot. We decided to wait for our son to come out, to confront. Nope, never happened...guess who walked out of the store to the car with her friend. We approached her and the friend. When confronted, the friend said, "She said it was hers!"
My point is that there are always two sides.
I hope you resolve these issues with your son. Maybe she is really in love with him and maybe she isn't, but pushing him away because of it (or perhaps smothering him with your opinion) may make things worse. Not supporting him financially is fine since he's 18 and all, I'm assuming. It seems like the job of a parent is a caregiver- supporting their children in their decisions.
Anyway, I wish you and the kids the best.
I whole-heartedly agree. We do support him in his decisions. But what we don't support is the lifestyle in which to do it. I believe what attracted this girl was the lifestyle he had while a senior in high school, living under our roof. We made the mistake of giving him a very nice car, the cash to have fun, the little toys like smart phones, etc. He would pass on our good graces to her...
Now, I believe her true colors are starting to show, as she's not seeing the luxeries she once was afforded.
And again, he has the right to make any decision he chooses...but it's based upon what he can afford, not what we supply.
I hope everything works out for you and your family- i'm sure he'll begin to see her " true" nature soon enough, just like you said.
yes. families like these exists. I'm with my bf for almost for years (4 in 2mos). i've known him and his family for 13 yrs before being with him. his family used to love me when we were friends. they are a family who believes women should be martyrs and should always forgive whatever the man has done, he was raised by a stay-at-home mom. they didn't like my strong character of speaking my feelings when i'm mad. they believe, a true woman does not fight back, and i'm not making this up in my head, his mom told me once when her son was out of line, in a timid voice, "you should have stayed quiet, and he'll apologize after". i have so many issues with them, they want a specific woman for their boys, fair skinned, pretty and quiet. its not just me who they talk about, even the wives of my bf's brothers, once the girls speak their mind, they have something to say about it. even the wives have the same comment as mine. i was bestfriends with his sister, she hated me for being with him, from day one. I'm really trying my best to push the negativity out of my mind when it comes to his family. just a few weeks ago, he almost broke up with me cos i had this constant anger towards him, although i didn't say it out loud, i know it was from the stress i get from his family. now i know, only my relationship will be ruined if i continue this anger. i know now i have to move past this and stay happy for us and focus on the positive aspects in our relationship. why am i still with him after all these years? he may not shout it as much, but he has my back, and he fights for me, and he tells me this all the time, he tells me he's my 1st supporter and partner. yes, it's true, only swallow the crap when you know your bf is behind you. they may and will try to convince him to leave you, but if your bf is smart, he knows at the end of the day, family is family, but there's also a person as important to him as his family are, who's worth it.
What if you have been with him like a years and some months and they just dont like and they get jealous so they get bad thought about you in his head so you have to take all the bad things that he tells you and have to fix it? What should I doo
My boyfriend's family, or rather mom and sister, do not like me. My boyfriend, Brandon, is an alcoholic, and they think I am the reason for his alcohol addiction.
I am not saying that I am the perfect person, but just because we have the occasional fight, does not mean that I am the cause of his not staying sober. He's had this problem long before I came into the picture.
Also, my boyfriend invited me to a barbeque yesterday, then dis-invited me today because his family doesn't like me.
His mom also got after me for calling and waking the family. I only called once, just once for Christ's sakes at 10 or 10:30 pm because he wasn't answering his phone! And he has called my land-line at 3:30am. WTF?
What do you do if your fiances' family doesnt like you and never met you. tells him to leave you?
What if every time your bf's brother stays at your house, you discover that random items belonging to you get mysteriously damaged or vanish? And, on top of that, your bf refuses to see any connection - what do you do? I feel like I'm going insane. It's no secret that the bf's family have issues with me (I have no parents, so that meansi want to take him away from his family because I don't have one of my own - yep, his brother and mum said that to me).
His brother is nice in front of the bf, but a dick when he's not about. Plus, I have had jewelry vanish and various scarves and cushions (that are irreplaceable because I bought them when I lived Asia), which I use to decorate our apartment, that look like someone has attacked them with scissors. My bf is just ignoring it. I've asked him to subtley ask his brother if he knows how the scarves or cushions were damaged or to just remind him to be careful with delicate things. Bf will not listen and keeps saying it's wear and tear or that I'm mad.
My fiances father and his whole side of the family don't like me. I've never really been chatty. but I really try to be nice to everyone... My bf tells.me that it's all in my head, and I really try to believe him. But when im around them I notice dirty looks and they never try to include me. I have a really hard time opening up because everyone I open my,mouth it seems like people will hate me or think im white trash or something. I try not to let my own feelings get in the way of things but sometimes I feel like it does. anyways, his family hasn't said anything directly to me. But they will whisper in front of me. Honestly it feels like highschool all over again. I understand that I will not be able to please everyone. But it's definitely a downer and it's very stressful. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. But it's hard when it feels.like that are all betting against us.. Is there something I can do to make them see that im not who they think I am? Honestly I've hardly been around them.
I've been with my fiance 2 years and a half now and have a babygirl together.ever since his parents met me they never liked me.I've never done anything to them.I'm actually very quiet and very nice.my bf just propsed to mea few days ago.and we called his parents to tell them the news and they just said ok.then they came to visit last night and didn't even congrtulate us =(.my bf is so sad because his family is not very supportive and mine are and very happy.I think his mom is very jelouse of me because he was her favorite son and he always did stuff for her until he met me.but how do I talk to her about not being jelouse? His dad doesn't like me because he thinks Ihave to be a model to marry his son.they r very judgemental and have no respect or feelings towards other.