Uh, yeah, he sounds like a creep of the highest order.
By definition, a relationship means you support each other. Give and take. This guy sounds like he's supporting himself quite well. It's rough out there these days. People fall on hard times. Nobody wants to be with a freeloader, but you expect your significant other to be there for you through good and bad times.
Rich people are often the stingiest with their moolah. It's how they stay rich. Look at Uncle Scrooge from Ducktales. You think he got his giant money bin by supporting his nephew Donald whenever the sailor work dries up? And while this guy isn't literally swimming through gold coins like Uncle Scrooge, he's still flaunting his spending while his girlfriend clips coupons.
Men (and women) can sometimes be territorial when it comes to money, particularly if one person in the relationship makes more than their significant other. But I don't think it boils down to men not wanting to help out financially. I think that some people are just plain cheap a-holes.
It sounds like this guy's girlfriend is supporting him through cooking for him and doing his laundry while he struts around Boardwalk with his top hat and monocle like Mr. Monopoly. You know what this guy really wants? A maid. And clearly he can afford one. He wants a girlfriend, but none of the responsibility. So unless he'd like to stop counting his money and dining on condor egg omelets (I assume that's what rich people eat) and wash his own damn clothes, then he needs to man up and realize that his girl is supporting him. She's supporting him with her time and energy. She's taking care of him and she isn't his mother.
This is a clear sign that your friend is in a one-sided relationship, and that this guy can't be counted on to help her when the chips are down. What is she getting out of this? Is he lavishing her with gifts? Does he take care of her at all? Doesn't sound like it. She needs to start charging this guy restaurant prices for the meals and weighing his laundry by the pound. If she puts it that way, then I would hope he would realize how much she contributes to making his life easier. If not, then dump him and leave behind the number for Merry Maids.
By definition, a relationship means you support each other. Give and take. This guy sounds like he's supporting himself quite well. It's rough out there these days. People fall on hard times. Nobody wants to be with a freeloader, but you expect your significant other to be there for you through good and bad times.
Rich people are often the stingiest with their moolah. It's how they stay rich. Look at Uncle Scrooge from Ducktales. You think he got his giant money bin by supporting his nephew Donald whenever the sailor work dries up? And while this guy isn't literally swimming through gold coins like Uncle Scrooge, he's still flaunting his spending while his girlfriend clips coupons.
Men (and women) can sometimes be territorial when it comes to money, particularly if one person in the relationship makes more than their significant other. But I don't think it boils down to men not wanting to help out financially. I think that some people are just plain cheap a-holes.
It sounds like this guy's girlfriend is supporting him through cooking for him and doing his laundry while he struts around Boardwalk with his top hat and monocle like Mr. Monopoly. You know what this guy really wants? A maid. And clearly he can afford one. He wants a girlfriend, but none of the responsibility. So unless he'd like to stop counting his money and dining on condor egg omelets (I assume that's what rich people eat) and wash his own damn clothes, then he needs to man up and realize that his girl is supporting him. She's supporting him with her time and energy. She's taking care of him and she isn't his mother.
This is a clear sign that your friend is in a one-sided relationship, and that this guy can't be counted on to help her when the chips are down. What is she getting out of this? Is he lavishing her with gifts? Does he take care of her at all? Doesn't sound like it. She needs to start charging this guy restaurant prices for the meals and weighing his laundry by the pound. If she puts it that way, then I would hope he would realize how much she contributes to making his life easier. If not, then dump him and leave behind the number for Merry Maids.
Amen Nick! Preach it!!
why do girls think their boyfriends are responsible for helping them out financially? an emotionally committed relationship is not the same as a financially committed relationship. If you want to be in a relationship where botth parties contribute financially, get married. Or , heres a thought, support yourself! If you didn't have a boyfriend what would you do?
I don't know. I'm getting kind of a gold-digger vibe. If she admits he's a "creep" why is she still with him after all this time?
And what he spends on him might seem like alot to her on her income level, but if he makes alot more than her it might not seem like much to him. I agree with you Nick that she does need to stop babying him. Let him hire a maid and just focus on being his girlfriend. Maybe the free time will let her find a better job or a way to fill in the gaps money wise.
I feel like part of the story is missing.
I think it's the friend here who is calling him a creep. We can't speak for what the girl in the relationship thinks about the guy.
Helping her out whens she falls on hard times isn't gold-digging to me. Supporting her entirely for an extended period of time when she doesn't make any effort to get a job would be. But it sounds like here that he is adamant about keeping his money and not helping her out at all, which seems like jerky boyfriend syndrome.
Im more upset at the fact that she is upset that he doesn't help her out financially. I don't think that should be his responsibilty in anyway, I mean great if he does, but no big deal if he doesn't. It changes the relationship too doesn't it?
My parents had to help me out financially since Im their child,(now I just get tons of hugs and a pat on the back) and I feel like the girlfriend is saying the bf HAS to help. Not cool or fair.
Ps, I thought my comments were NOT being submitted b.c my computer would freeze or I thought it would freeze, but clearly my comments have been posted. So I apologize for any posts that didn't make sense since I was testing them.
Thanks
Are you kidding me. Who asked you to prepare his meals and be his maid. No matter how much money this guy makes, where do you come off thinking that he has to help you out. Because you're his gf? We all know men and women are different and that if it was the other way around, the gf would be supporting this guy while he was doing nothing on his part and would love it..b.c thats what girls are taught to do...take care of people. Maybe you should spend less time making his meals and doing his laundry( And Im assuming you're using your own money)and get yourself together.
And I really don't understand why he is a creep.I love my boyfriend, he makes more than me, and yes there are times when he cant pay a bill and visa versa and we help each other out, but I've never assumed that just b.c I can't pay my part the bill that means he has to do it or visa versa.
Stop being a doormat, if he can make 250k/yr he can afford a maid/stripper whatever to satisfied his needs. The way you describe the relationship sounds like he's treating very badly.... and what have we learned about guys treating you badly...they are trying to break up with you ..or they are just not that into you!
No one's saying he should be supporting her indefinitely. But I don't see how helping her out when she's going through a rough patch, when she takes complete care of him, is all that unreasonable. You say you and your bfriend help each other out occasionally. That's all I'm saying. And I don't know how we got to her being a gold digger.
But yes, she needs to stop being a doormat and stand up for herself. The relationship sounds more than a little one-sided.
I dig a man who sticks up for a woman! Chivalry isn't dead! Yay Nick!
alice- I agree with you. 250 K is only 125,000 after taxes anyway. It would be nice if he helped her out but it isnt OBLIGATORY in a relationship to do so. It would definitely be a nice gesture but he shouldn't be obligated. The question is phrased like since she acts like his maid she should get money from him. The favors she does for him are voluntary and who knows what this guy does for her. Maybe he mows her lawns or carrys heavy stuff or repairs things for her. The point is- what shes does for him doesnt accumulate in money for him! She DOES sound like a gold-digger if she sticks around thinking that she is entitled to ANY of his money. Its sad that she's fallen on hard times, but she is an adult who is not ENTITLED to anyone else's money. If he wants to support her financially then that would be nice of him, but he shouldn't be expected to do so.
I second that, Rach and Alice. I notice Nick that you've got strong values regarding how to treat a girl right, but one thing I've learned over the last few years is that it takes a while for someone to earn that special treatment. It's one thing to be a nice guy and hold the doors for a lady and walk on the traffic side of the street, it's another to make a financial commitment to her. The question fails to identify the level of commitment in this relationship, which is essential to making the claim about it being a requirement to provide financial support in a time of need. They're not married, you have no idea how long they've been seeing each other and how much they care about each other, if at all.
Just for the record, I don't think the issue is whether or not he should be supporting her. The question is whether I think a guy who is comfortable financially, and has a girlfriend who takes care him, can't help out his girlfriend when she falls on hard times is a jerk. Yes, that is jerky behavior in my estimation.
And while I don't think anyone is obligated to do anything, I do think part of being in a relationship is helping each other out in times of need. Otherwise you're just two acquaintances who have sex and go to movies together.
she does not say how long she has been in the relationship. she should have laid down the ground rules of her expections before she began to cook and clean without knowing how he felt about helping her with her expenses. that could have saved her a lot of wasted time. as the 6saying goes assuming can make an a-- out of you.
I don't think it's unreasonable for a guy with a little extra scratch to help out his girlfriend if she's having a hard time financially. I'd do the same for my guy if he was having problems, especially if he was cooking and doing my laundry. Everyone seems to assume that the gal in this situation is either a gold-digger or expecting her boyfriend to support her forever. If they're in a real caring relationship, helping one another when necessary seems like part of the deal. From the question, the relationship seems one-sided.
Exactly! That's all I'm saying. It seems perfectly reasonable for him to help her out a little bit, considering all she does for him. I'm not sure why everyone assumes she's gold-digging. No one is saying he should be supporting her indefinitely. But the relationship sound more than a little one-sided.
Love your profile pic by the way. Great t-shirt. I have that in black.
The whole gold digger assumption baffles me. Last I checked, that type of woman wasn't really into the whole cooking and cleaning thing. Maybe they changed the definition when I wasn't looking or something.
Thanks, I quite like the profile pic myself. :) And one can never have too many Batman shirts, I always say.
I agree with your gold digger comment Kate. I'm also surprised that so many women here are quick to accuse another woman of being a gold digger without knowing all of the facts, yet haven't entertained the possibility that the man here could actually be a bit of a selfish creep. We don't know what this woman is asking for or even if she's asking at all. Maybe she does hope he'll support all of her financial needs or maybe she's just needs bus fare to get to a job interview. All we do know is that she's fallen on hard times and he won't help her out, even though she seems to do a lot for him. And yes, maybe he didn't ask her to do those things, but he's not telling her not to do them either, which would seem to indicate that he's benefitting from her help. I'm guessing if she stopped taking care of him and re-focused her energy on getting a new job and taking care of herself, he'd feel a lot differently about refusing to help her out.
tell him to hire a maid
I'm with Nick on this one. If the guy is in a long term relationship and living comfortably enough to be able to spend lavishly on himself then he should be able to help out his missus when she falls on hard times. This isn't a case of supporting her permanently, it's about giving her a little help when she's in a tough spot.
On the other hand, if she hasn't asked, he may be perfectly willing to help but doesn't want to offer in case it offends her. People can get that way when it comes to money. I was in a similar situation once. My girlfriend had a little money trouble and when I offered to help out she took it as a personal affront to her independence; like I was saying she clearly couldn't handle herself/money/whatever.
There's a third possibility, assuming the asker isn't the lady in the question: Maybe he has offered and she refused. Again; people get weird when it comes to money. Some people just don't like taking what they see as handouts.
But you offered, which I can see why it would be a blow to her independence, but obviously she never asked you or expected you to do so. I think when it comes to marriage though, different story.
Yeah, I understand why she was offended; it just hadn't entered my head at the time. I'm just saying that if he's been in a similar situation he might be reluctant to offer help now.
I don't think shes a gold -digger at all either.
I'd jump in front of a bullet for some of my friends, but wouldn't be half as quick to lend them money, the fact is that money changes things, there's just something about it that makes you want to hold on to it. Within reason, no matter how much money you have you never think you have enough, and I think 250k is still within the limit of reason.
There are a number of different reasons she could be cooking and doing his washing for him, a cultural thing, the way she was brought up, doing either twice a week is still regular for example, but that hardly makes her a maid...
Or he could just be an a-hole
Who's to say she even asked him? I'm not going as far as to say she's a gold-digger, BUT how can he know she needs help if she doesn't ASK! Knowing how women can be sometimes she's probably dropping hints, insinuating what have you, and the poor guy doesn't have a clue she's struggling so much. Quit hoping he'll p/u on the hints and JUST ASK!
Hey, he makes $250,000 a year. He doesn't need you. Deal with it or blow off.