Guyspeak Newsletter Signup

Girls' BFF

 
Next Answer »
userpic
userpic

What does "half a step above friends with benefits" mean? Would long distance have anything to do with it?

Sounds like game to me. Heck, if it works, I'd like to make sure I send that out to as many guys as I know as a means of committing and not committing to a woman at the exact same time. I believe the scientific term for it is "the female psyche sustained chaos lure". In layman's terms, you say just enough to confuse her into thinking that she's still "not just some woman" while telling her exactly that "she's just some woman". The minds of men can be fascinating webs of deception and honesty at times.

So I'm guessing what he was trying to imply to you is that, while you aren't just a friend with benefits and are indeed more special than that, you really aren't that far up the ladder to girlfriend. Could distance play a part in it? Sure. In fact, if you all are at a distance that's probably his main way of saying "I'd like to keep boinking you and I respect you as a person and my friend, but there's nothing more to it".

Is this a guy that you're interested in romantically beyond the set up that you two currently have? If you are, you might want to reign that sucker in. Or you could just have a convo with him about what it means. If he gives you a straight answer then great. If he avoids the questions, then well, that's an answer in and of itself. And why did that even come up. The beauty about FWB is that everybody is on the same page - ya know, until they aren't. Do you want more?

If so you should probably make that clear and not wait on him to read your mind.

It was written.

Talk 1
Love it? Hate it? 2
Got A Question? Ask Your Own. »

1 Comment

user-pic

Awesome answer, Thanks!

I'm in a long distance relationship and my guy was bullshitting me with what you aptly call a lure of sustained chaos. I have absolutely no reason to doubt his motives with me as he stands to lose more than I.

I'm far from a nagging girl but after 5 months I asked for the second time what we were. He waxed poetic with some gobbledygook about us being,"Friends in love with an unique mixture of laughter, intimacy, etc. But I'm not too sure to be honest."

I was furious because the truth is that I could easily be dating other people as opportunities for me are plentiful, yet I have remained faithful and committed to him. His opportunities are limited for several reasons.

The next time we spoke I told him that I thought he was a flaming douche bag for the FWB status and said that 'I get asked to be friends' often, so I can easily and without guilt have many friends with unique blends of blah blah blah.

His response was, "I have never heard the term flaming douche bag before." I apologized for using that language with him. He said, "It's ok, I guess some things needed to be said. Will you be my girlfriend?"

Perhaps he was truly conflicted about our status or maybe he really was being a flaming douche bag. Or both.

Thanks so much for your perspective.

Leave a comment

(You may use HTML tags for style)

Get GuySpeak in your inbox.

Choose the newsletters you'd like to receive:

Trending Topics

  1. 96 entries are tagged with
  2. 59 entries are tagged with
  3. 70 entries are tagged with
  4. 61 entries are tagged with
  5. 58 entries are tagged with
  6. 215 entries are tagged with
  7. 91 entries are tagged with
  8. 865 entries are tagged with
  9. 60 entries are tagged with
  10. 64 entries are tagged with
  11. 57 entries are tagged with
  12. 93 entries are tagged with
  13. 89 entries are tagged with
  14. 61 entries are tagged with
  15. 53 entries are tagged with
  16. 151 entries are tagged with
  17. 183 entries are tagged with
  18. 63 entries are tagged with
  19. 55 entries are tagged with
  20. 79 entries are tagged with
  21. 60 entries are tagged with
  22. 239 entries are tagged with
  23. 501 entries are tagged with
  24. 95 entries are tagged with
  25. 58 entries are tagged with