Because dinner food rarely has high alcohol by volume. I mean sure, there's vodka chicken, but you've got to eat like eight of those before you even feel a buzz. Meeting for drinks virtually guarantees, well, drinks.
And before you spin off wild date-rape scenarios, let me say that there are many many reasons a guy would want to get drunk with you on a first date. Half of them are sex-related, but at least a few of them involve crippling social anxiety.
Alcohol is the social lubricant, liquid courage, what-have-you. A first date can be a lot of pressure for a guy, and the thought of using gin-fueled booster rockets to bypass the awkward "getting to know you" phase is tempting.
So don't assume meeting for drinks means he's just trying to get into your pants. I'm not saying it doesn't, but it's no reason to think he's a creep or lothario. It's just as likely he's a little nervous and thinks drinks will help the evening go smoothly. Or he's broke and dinner would have to be Double Downs and Big Gulps, and he's not ready to let you know that yet.
If he seems like he's actively trying to force drinks down you, walk out, because that's just plain wrong. Otherwise I say give him the benefit of the doubt and see how it goes. You can usually tell when a guy's just charging for the end zone; we're not that good at hiding it (and even less so drunk).
kudos for using the word 'lothario'.
Kudos for using the word "kudos." Which are delicious, by the way.
Kudos for using the word "delicious", etc. etc.
I live in NYC and I rarely get taken to dinner on a first date - it's usually either drinks or coffee. My guy friends tell me that it's easy to end a drinks or coffee date after an hour or so if you're just not feeling it, and on the other hand it's easy to suggest continuing the date somewhere else if you're really digging each other. Either way, it helps you avoid wasting a ton of time and money with someone you realize you don't care to get to know further.
Exactly.
It's cheaper. If the date doesn't go well, you're out $10-20. Dinner is $40+
I have no problem with drinks or coffee for a first date. Coffee is a little more preferable, partly because I hate balancing on those stupid bar stools. Plus, if the guy winds up being a douche, I can pay for my own without being out $30.
Good all around.
Wouldn't you pay for your own drinks anyway? What the heck is it with this trend we've got of having the guy pay for everything...? Have some self-respect, woman!
I mean, sure, if he offers then it's polite to say yes, please. But you should return the favour - buy rounds of drinks in turn, treating each other like equals, not expecting the poor sap to buy you drink after drink just because he's the one with the penis. Culture fail.
Maybe I didn't word my comment correctly.
I never "expect" anyone to pay for me, whether it be drinks, dinner, movie, etc. But the fact of the matter is, I have very little "mad money" so to speak, so I can afford coffee but not necessarily dinner, and I can only pay for myself, not myself and someone else.
But the point is, if the guy invited me to go somewhere with him, he should at least offer to pay on the first date, even if we wind up going dutch. Hence the drinks/coffee on the first date. And by that I mean one drink/coffee apiece. He won't be out that much even if he does pay. If he turns out to be a douche, and expects me to pay for myself and him, then, well, he won't be getting a second date. And yes, men have done this to me, stuck me with the bill.
It has nothing to do with self respect or the lack of it, more like economics.
Why not dinner and drinks? Men are cheap these days. In my dating days, you had to work for it!
Because back in your "dating days" was likely before the advent of "friends with benefits" or sexting, or the thought that oral sex isn't really sex.
Of course you had to work for it, girls nowadays are just giving the puddy away. So shut up, we're enjoying it. Ya old fuddy duddy.
Men should always pay on a first date, no excuses.
One would never get a 2nd date out of me if I went dutch, frig that...
There are always other bigger fish in the sea.
You haven't earned going out to dinner with the guy. Right now, you only rate drinks.
No, seriously, that's what he wanted to do. If you wanted to go out for dinner, why didn't you call the guy and ask him out for dinner? If you are going to leave the date decisions up to the guy, you may end up getting asked to do something you don't want.
Why didn't you say something like "I'm not really up for drinks, how about we grab a bite to eat at XX instead?"
Dinner is also too much pressure all around and more difficult to get to know someone because you're eating.
Horrible first date
Also movies is another bad first date - since you just met and then you sit in a theater quiet?
Doesn't work
Less pressure more comfort
In fact most women I meet are weary of men that want to go out to dinner on the first date.
Welcome to the 21st century.
I was going to ask the same question. I just turned 21 so the whole meeting for drinks idea is completely foreign to me. I automatically assumed it meant he didn't really want to get to know me he was more interested in improving his chances of getting laid. I can never pick up on hints, any thoughts on how to decode his intentions other than straight out asking?
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hahha I agree
Let the man pay for the first date.
If he doesn't pay you shouldn't want a 2nd.
There are plenty of fishies in the sea who will pay.