For the life of me, I don't understand why women tend to get upset that men are looking at other women, even in the midst of a passionate and fully committed relationship. Think about it, he'd almost have to go out of his way to NOT look at other women seeing as his choices are either look at men or women.
And I'm guessing you don't want him checking out other men.
But you asked what goes through our minds so I'll take a crack at that. Take a gander, a goose if you must:
Wow, look at that chick over there. She's hot. But she doesn't seem to be paying attention to where she's going. She's hot, though. I hope she doesn't get hit by a car. It sucks when hot chicks get hit by a car. I mean it's bad when ugly chicks get hit by a car but its even worser when hot chicks get hit by a car. Is worser a word? I have no clue. I wonder if I'll look dumb if I ask my girl if "worser" is a word. I have no clue about that either. Man, I'm all out of clues today. Luckily I'm not out of awesome though. Dude, you rock. You rock AND you're awesome. You're awesome rock, like Nirvana, though some folks might say they weren't rock, like AC/DC or something. Man, I hope I paid my electricity bill. It would blow if my power got cut off again. Holy crap she's about to get hit by that car...oh no, he slowed down. Must be because she's hot. She has a nice rack too. I didn't notice that before. Kind of like that commercial with the...oh wait, my girlfriend is talking to me now...FOCUS.
I'm guessing it probably goes something like that. Now, see, just because he looks at other women doesn't mean he loves you less or is any less passionate about you. It just means that he's human and prone to do what humans do: use their eyes to see what's in front of them so that we do not bump into anything.
Just be glad he's not fondling anybody like I'd imagine Stevie Wonder would do. Blind guys have all the fun.
It was written.
I'm head over heals in love with my wife. She is the end-all be-all everything I ever wanted in a woman.
And now the question comes: Do I look at other women? Yes. I have to. Much like PJack said above. I have to. I'll look at a woman, my wife will ask me a question like, "OMG did you see her boobs? they were lopsided" ... honestly, no. I looked at her - she came into my vision but I didn't "see" her. Was there a brief moment that I thought "She's (pretty / not pretty / skinny / blonde / etc...)" Maybe - but it's not important. So I don't remember. I "look" at other women like I "look" at cars when I'm driving home. I notice them so I don't run into them but I don't want to take a ride in each one of them, if you get my meaning.
Now, if you're man is grabbing his crotch, leering and saying, "DAYUM you one fine sexy woman" ... then you have an issue.
my 2 cents.
LOVE it! hahaha - makes perfect sense ;)
@I'm head over heals in love with my wife. She is the end-all be-all everything I ever wanted in a woman.
That's beautiful :') So now I have to ask... regarding another heated topic on this site... that being the case, do you still go to strip clubs??? lol
No, never go to strip clubs. There's a lot of reasons that I'm having a hard time putting into words...
1) I think my wife is beautiful
2) I never really went to strip clubs anyway
3) There's a feeling I have that if I went to a strip club I would be saying my wife isn't good enough for me and I need something more. I think it would be inconsiderate to her and rude. Now - there's folks that have open relationships and the woman enjoys going as well. It just doesn't work for me or my wife.
I thought I replied to this already guess not.. i suck.
There's a couple reasons I don't go to strip clubs but I'm having hard time putting it into words that won't sound offensive to some
1) I think my wife is beautiful
2) I never really went to strip clubs
3) I think there's some part of me that feels that by going to a strip club to look at other women I'm telling my wife that there's something about here I don't find adequate. That she's not what I need in some way. I don't need to look outside of our relationship for anything (outside the relationship between my father and the like - but that's different).
I think that's the best explanation I can give.
Agreed. The extent of the thought process when I see an attractive woman in passing is probably about the same as when I'm admiring art. "Nice. That's a really nice curvature, good lines.. nice use of colour" I may linger a little if she's got an unusually beautiful face, but seriously. It's admiration of form and beauty, and then it's gone and we don't give it another moment's thought.
Disappointed? I bet you thought we had these wild and elaborate sexual fantasies, didn't you? Unfortunately, that's just not the case. What would be the point? Too many women, too little time, and in most cases, nowhere to quietly rub one out.
You and I think A LOT alike...lol.
Haha, you know what they say; great minds, and the rest. I'll take that as a compliment!
What makes the difference between your wife and women on the street? I get it, you have spent more time/money/emotional baggage on your wife, but I bet there are many women like her. If things didn't work out with her, obviously you could find someone else who was just as good.
Men seem to spend a lot of time talking about appearances. Most women are hot. So, what's makes one hot girl a hot girl and another hot girl a lifelong partner? I think that's a big reason why your ladies don't want you checking out other girls and get so threatened when you do. We've spent forever hearing about you guys only want hotties, but then there are seriously millions of hotties that we are praying you don't notice.
And personalities. Yes, many of you try to marry women who are kind and funny and compatable with you. But, alas, there are like, thousands of women who are also hot and nice. For most of us women, we are average. There is no awesome trait or skill that any of us have that would keep someone from leaving us for any other average girl.
So tell me, what's keeping husbands from messing around?
That's a very complex question, one I could see being a round table debate over drinks. Why stay with one woman when, statistically speaking, there's probably millions just like her?
An optimistic man might say it's love, loyalty, a sense of honour, or even a sense of duty to their family. Certainly time could be a factor, even. I remember reading a quote somewhere, 'When we were young, I loved her because she was beautiful. When we were old, I loved her because I knew her.' A touching sentiment, I think.
A more pessimistic person could say it's compromise, or even settling, reaching a point where you don't think you could do any better. It could possibly be a combination of all of the above.
Personally, I think at the end of the day it all comes down to choice. You get to know somebody, you choose to be with them. When all the sparkles wear off, the thrill fades, you wake up every morning and choose to love your partner. You choose to be faithful, and you choose to do what's best for each other. Some people choose to be unfaithful, fooling around in spite of what they know will be the consequences.
So, what keeps husbands from messing around? They do, themselves. Each and every day.
Pretty much like Mannon said, we know that there are leagues of attractive women roaming the Earth, but we chose to be with you, so we honor that choice we made. If the union collapses, then we've made another choice. But that same thing goes for women.
Also, it's not small thing when we have found a woman that we decide we want to commit to. Especially considering how many women there are out there that we can't accept really don't want us. So when a guy makes a decision, he usually means it and sticks with it. Sure there's a hot chick crossing the street, but she'll be gone in 25 seconds never to be seen again. We know nothing about her.You, we know, and are happy about knowing you.
We see hot women, but they're just that. Hot women. We love you.
"So tell me, what's keeping husbands from messing around? "
Sex and respect and and trust and love and fear and devotion and company and safety and commitment and duty and depth and funny moments and fond memories, etc.
But mostly sex (with respect and trust).
When in a committed monogamous relationship (especially when living together) couples get significantly more sex than those dating. Study after study shows this, despite the swinging image that movies and TV like to show about the average single/dating person. Even in crappy relationships, they get more.
Getting to the point of sex on regular intervals takes time and lots of work. (Or some cold hard cash and willingness to ignore some pretty insane risks, which I will never understand.) However once you are there in a monogamous committed relationship, you tend to have it whenever and for whatever reason whenever both parties are willing and sometimes even when not due to a sense of duty/love/guilt, etc.
But that's built on a foundation of everything I mentioned after "sex and respect" in the above list. Most men know this, so to go after an affair while having already established that long list of things that take hard work to achieve, is sexual suicide. So the guy has to be pretty desperate for some reason to stray out of a relationship where a dropped spoon might be sufficient reason to get it on, to stalking bars or coworkers, online sites or paying for something outside the relationship and risking it all.
And the almost amusing part is that respect is pretty much about sex too. Men are voracious sexually and very little constitutes as a turn off. Especially in that committed relationship. Even your imperfections are turn-ons! I don't know how many guys I've talked to who find the changes as we age that make women get very self conscious actually make their men more into them. I was talking to one guy who was saying he actually like the slight sag to his wife's butt.
Whoa, a little off track, back to respect.
That said, it takes a pretty big thing to get a man out of the mood or generally not interested, things like putting on 100 pounds (or dropping to under 100 pounds, balance people, balance!), talking about his mother in the bedroom, not bathing for several weeks or disrespecting him.
And here's the interesting part, really only the last one is guaranteed to put work. You get unhealthy and most likely your man may be put off by you but he'll still go at it. There is still a part of you he likes and will remember. You talk about his mom he might just blow it off or spend the entire session trying mentally talking to himself about your boobs to push out the thought of his mum. You don't bathe and he might just hold his breath.
You disrespect him and he'll "punish" you by withholding sex. Suddenly, your imperfections will make him angry. Emasculate him and you'll need viagra just to get him up or you'll have to convince him that you aren't disrespecting him (or genuinely stop) before he'll be even remotely interested.
To make it worse, his biologicals might even still function when he gets really horny, but you can pretty much guarantee he's looking somewhere else. There's even a solid chance he'd rather masturbate than be with you.
What defines disrespect? That's different with each guy. That you'll have to ask him about that.
So in the end there aren't really thousands of women just like you. You are the one he chose and the one he knows. The one who has built up a foundation with. It's your intimacy he has access to. Sure there may be thousands of girls that fit his type, but only to you does he have the "backstage" pass and vice versa and this leads to the final aspect: Trust.
And big surprise, this one comes back to sex, too.
Yes, most sex for men is carnal. It's a physical thing. 90% of the mental stimulation is visual input or response to verbalizations ("talking dirty") from you. However, in that committed relationship, you've already answered all the questions that could create a trust problem.
He no longer has to worry about any of those important questions:
"Is she lying when she says she's disease free?"
"Am I really pleasing her?"
"Can I get this regular like?"
"Is she wanting kids or not?"
"Is she gonna be okay with {insert his kind of kink}?"
"Is this going to last?"
"Do I need to be quick or slow?"
"Should she orgasm before or after me?"
"Is she gonna think I'm selfish if I..."
Yes, in the heat of the moment the guy is not thinking about most of these things, at least not actively, but they do weigh on his subconscience. When all this as been answered (and more, this is not a comprehensive list) he can be comfortable and at ease and able to focus on just the sex. He's able to do it how he wants: totally on instinct, totally carnal, totally into just you.
Trust me NO well sexed, respected and trusted man has an affair, unless he's got some kind of mental problem. A man in that boat runs in fear when the office secretary flirts with him. Fear of losing the best sex he's ever had.
ugh man i can stress enough that it's alright when men look at other women even if their in a committed relationship. likewise, it's ok for us women to look at other men. all anyone is doing is looking. i don't think there is anything wrong with that.
Haha, that's funny, and pretty much sounds like anyone's trail of thoughs.
I always imagined men think "Wow, hot!" when seeing a hot woman, the same way they would think "Wow, donuts!" when passing a store. Just because they like donuts in general, not because they want to have some sweet double chocolate donut eating right here, right now, on the donut store counter in front of the clerc and all the customers.
mmm donuts.
People are allowed to be attractive. Who cares. Your issue here isn't with your boyfriend, or with the other girl. It's with yourself. I don't remember who said this, but someone famous once said, "99% of our unhappiness is comparing ourself to other people." You are not a confident person, because if you were, the fact that another girl is attractive wouldn't bother you so much. He's with you for a reason... if he wanted to be single and take advantage of what he's looking at, he would be, bottom line. You look at guys, too. So why would it be okay for you and not him?
Sigh.
(Swoon)
Maybe the real question is, how tenuous is the connection?
Haven't you ever heard the saying " It doesn't matter where he gets his appetite as long as he comes home for dinner"?
I think girls tend to confuse sex and lust with love and emotion too much. And if you are so overly concerned with him "checking out" other girls, that lack of confidence in yourself ends up becoming apparent and eventually becomes an issue.
Great response to her dumb question, GirlsBFF.
It looks like the poster doesn't know that we men are wired to look at other women. We produce a LOT of sperm and want to sow it everywhere. So if big tits or a nice ass walk by, we automatically look. That's just how it is. It's not like we're going to pursue the T&A but we still like to look.
Just remember that it's all good if he looks at the menu as long as he eats at home.
Its human nature and men are visual beings. But so are women and you would be lying if you didn't admit you have noticed attractive men from time to time but that didn't mean you want to sleep with them or lust after them. As long as its all within appropriate boundaries and being respectful, I wouldn't worry about it. I have confidence in my relationship so much that I enjoy watching Porn videos with my boyfriend and I always prefer the ones with hot women.
There's a difference between looking && staring. Imagine a guy sitting down eating lunch with his girlfriend and dude sees another good looking woman seated at another table. He glances at her. She glances back and they maintain eye contact for over 10 seconds! That is crossing the line. Clearly dude was mesmerized or trying to form some kind of connection. Not cool. Now had he just looked for a second or two and then refocused his attention back to where it should be then there'd no problems. Ya dig?
You hit the nail right on the head. You have respect for your wife but glancing at someone is normal. I like that 10 second rule.You created a boundry for yourself and your wife will feel comfortable with it. That needs to be a famous quote.It would help so many women to stop waisting their time on losers and players. Thanks you made my day. Anna P.
wow you are amazing! your wife is sooo lucky i wish all guys thought like this, this is exactly how i see it!
Is there a difference between looking at an attractive women(just glancing) and seeing an attractive women(But noticing they're attractive)?
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