First part I have been asked before, I am sure of it, but can't be bothered to trawl back through the archives to find out.

The first thing I notice about any woman is her eyes and hands. OK, if she is wearing boots, they might be the second thing - got a thing for women in high boots, especially heeled boots.

Top 5 things that turn me off - thats a new one. Let me think and put them in order.

Number 5

Fake boobs. If they are obviously fake, don't shake em in my face. I don't want to know.

Number 4

Really long fingernails / false nails. I prefer my back unperforated at all times. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a pretty nail job as much as the next guy, but a harpy's talons are a turn off.

Number 3

Vapidity. Do I need explain this? Even as talented a bedroom artist as myself cannot spend more than 4 hours a day having sex. Which means at some stage, talking is needed.

Number 2

Tongue or lip piercings. Just can't abide them. Sorry. I know that tongue piercings are supposed to make oral better, but no one with a mouth full of metal gets anywhere near my junk.

And the Number 1 turnoff is .....

Negativity. Gal got a problem, I'll listen. Help if I can. If her whole life is a mess and she got no self confidence or self respect at all she can peddle it elsewhere. Life is too short to be some random gal's emotional tampon.