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What is the most awkward thing about being a guy?

Tragically (much like a dark superhero), the things that suck about being a guy are the same exact things that make us great: our penis, manly smells and rugged features.

In order:

Our penis is a stick dangling from our body. Frankly, it's ridiculous. How men survived in the days before boxer-briefs I'll never understand.

We stink. Admittedly, WE like our stink, but it can make for some awkward situations come a baptismal or bosses' daughter's bat mitzvah.

As for our bodies in general: if you can distance yourself enough to view the male body purely from a design and aesthetics standpoint, it's ill-conceived at best and a laughable mockery of nature at worst. On the whole, y'all are just much more compact, functional, and easier on the eyes than we are, and I think even most women would agree.

Every man shares this secret and terrible knowledge: that we are ugly, smelly beasts, living in a society where that's only partially accepted, and the part of our body capable of experiencing the most pain is HANGING between TWO GIANT CLUBS OF MEAT.

Oh! Also, somehow, even though we've oppressed you guys for millennia, we allowed it to get to the point where we have to ASK to go out with you, and the fact that you might not scares the crap out of us.

So now you know. Please don't use this knowledge for evil (I probably should have mentioned that at the beginning).

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48 Comments

Guy Noir, PI

You left out Boners at Inappropriate Times.

Bev

Ha, good answer! It's like Elaine on Seinfeld, "Men's bodies are like a Jeep - they're for gettin' around."

VKnoxville

When you're running, sans undies beeteedubs, can you feel it flopping around? If so, does it hurt if it "flops" too hard against your skin? LOL I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW!

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Hurt is an understatement. Running about with "it" flopping is not only painful in the moment but is painful for extended periods and may cause permanent damage. It would be the along the lines of a woman jogging without her lady cannons strapped in place. Only most of men aren't risking a black eye.

So yes, we are CONSTANTLY aware of our stuff, how it's hanging, if it's sticking, and especially if it's floppin in the breeze.

Melissa

HILARIOUS! One of your funniest answers yet, Swaim!

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I love the taglist. We all need to get shot with bullets of pure truth more often.

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For the first 25 years of my life, I hated being a chick...then I found out that you guys have your own problems. Still not too crazy about being a woman, though.
I think both sexes tend to give their power away in the grip of the almighty hormone.
Like, I can't figure out why men are even attracted to us girls in the first place. Maybe it's one of those mysteries of life...
(BTW, I'm a straight chick, and certainly nothing special!)

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