Ugh. Relatives. What can you do? Can't live with them, can't kill them.
Well, you could. How funny would it be if an uncle asked you that question and you whipped out a machete and lopped off his head with one swift whack? Then, after his head bounced a couple of times and came to a rest, eyes still open, you leaned down to it and whispered, "Nunya."
Nah, bad idea. You'll want your relatives around when you get married. They're the only ones who give china.
My wife's grandmother once said to me, "You've gained weight."
"Yeah, a little," I said.
"I don't like it." Thanks, Nana.
Just tell your nosy relatives that you haven't found anyone who's caught your eye yet. Good lord, you're 21, not 50 -- you aren't approaching old maid territory just yet. Or you could tell them it's none of their business. Or that you're a lesbian. Or shrug and say, "No habla Inglés."
Don't let them get you down. You're young and have plenty of time to find a boyfriend.
Just tell them that the only decent guys you have found have been on guyspeak.com and you cant find anyone else as respectable as these guys, you dont feel the need to settle.
or tell them you have been feeling kind of psychotic as of late and you dont feel it would be fair to burden some man with your insane tendencies, especially ones that could put his life at risk anytime he says or asks stupid questions about the future or your intentions, lol.
You would think they would be happy that you are taking the time to get yourself settled in life and then may consider settling down with a man, instead of out running around with every tom, dick, & harry, with 6 kids and living off welfare and beating your kids.... its called independence...you have it.
Awwww. I love the last bit! That makes me feel better about myself :)
Yeah, you think they would be happy I am actually not a train wreck but I suppose they will never be happy and want something (or someone) to talk about. Guess it just kinda sucks when it's you they're talking about. haha
You would THINK they would be happy that I am not a complete and utter train wreck. But I guess they just need someone to talk about and unfortunately right now it has to be me.
You would think they would be happy that I am not a train wreck, but I guess they need to have something (or in this case someone) to talk about and I suppose it is me this time around. It just bothers me that they obviously are thinking about it enough to actually ASK me about it... :-\
Sorry for all the duplicate posts. Kept checking back to see if it posted and it hadn't. And now I see they did. :) Whoops.
You know what? They don't really need an answer because they aren't listening for an answer. They are just trying to make conversation and that's one of the questions in the "How to Talk to Young People" manual.
Just shrug and say "maybe when the time's right." Then ask about their bunions.
I dont know what manual you're talking about but asking why you lack a person that romatically cares about you isnt a good conversation starter. I haven't had a relative ask that but I am always weirded out when guys ask "why are you single". What kind of answer are they looking for? "There's something you haven't noticed thats wrong with me"? Single is the default position.... so the question doesn't really make any sense as something that would help you get to know someone. Everyone is single because they have't found and kept the right person. I always answer "because I'm not with someone". Usually people who ask this are awkard and I dont want to date them anyway, so ya.
Thank you! Single IS the default position! Does pairing off make people forget this?!
oops--meant to give you a +1 but my hand slipped :(
Relatives seem to think that because they are family they have the right to be nosy and ask impertinent questions, but they don't have that right, and you don't have to answer them. They will say that they are just concerned for your welfare, and perhaps they are, but they are still being insensitive and rude to ask a question like that in my opinion. I guess the best answer is just something vague like I haven't met the right one yet. I would then promptly change the topic of conversation.
Some relatives seem to think that because they are family they have the right to ask nosy and impertinent questions, but they don't have that right, and you don't have to answer them. I think it's rude and insensitive for them to ask questions like that in the first place. I suppose the best answer would be something vague like you haven't met the right one yet. I would then immediately change the topic of conversation.
Thanks everyone for all the advice. I guess it's just kind of hard because my brother is like thisclose to getting engaged to his girlfriend (we all love her and I am so happy for them), and then my one cousin (whose father is the one who fueled this question) is basically little miss perfect, and since we are only a few months apart in age, I feel like we are constantly being compared (and yes, she has a boyfriend that everybody loves). Also I really only have a few really close friends and they are all in long term relationships. I just can't help but wonder when it will be my turn or what the heck is wrong with me??
I just got home 2 months ago from an internship where I was away from home for 9 months and it was the first time family had really gotten a chance to see me since I got back... I still can't believe honestly my uncle had asked that question... In my head, as much as I would love to have a boyfriend right now, I would just hate the whole long distance thing. I did just shrug it off by saying the guys where I was were creepy, which I guess is sort of true, a lot of them were. And why would I waste my time with creepers?? There were a few times I thought there were guys that might have been interested in me, and I pretty much got played by both. Which I guess without a shred of experience, I didn't even see it coming... So again, I had to ask myself what is wrong with me, why is it all I can attract is creepers? Everyone always says I am such a nice, kind person, I make them smile, blah blah blah, so it can't have anything to do with me being some nasty negative person...
I don't know, as much as I can say how I do enjoy the independence, which is true, I just feel like some sad decrepit person because I don't have a guy.
Thanks again for all the advice. I really do appreciate all of it. :)
And yes, it would be awesome to lob off my uncle's head with a machete... haha Sorry for the longwinded reply post here. Felt like I had to get all of this off of my chest.
My family is like this too. Here are a few of my stock questions and answers. Feel free to tone these down if they're too caustic for you.
Question: "Why haven't you lost that weight yet?"
Answer: "Because I want to piss you off."
Question: "Why do you have that awful haircut?"
Answer: "Because I felt like it."
Question: "Why haven't you finished your (holiday) dinner?"
Answer: "Because I'm apparently too fat for you."
Question: "Why aren't you married?"
Answer: "Oh, shit! I knew I forgot something!"
Question: "Your sister has a boyfriend. Why don't you?"
Answer: "Because I'm not my sister."
Question: "No, really. Haven't you found anyone you like?"
Answer: "Yeah, but once they see what a freak of nature I really am under this harmless looking tee shirt, they all run screaming."
Question: "Why can't you be more like your brother?"
Answer: "Because he'd look really weird with these boobs."
Question: "Why don't you call more?"
Answer: "Because you keep bugging me about my love life."
Let me give you a little perspective, hon. Two of my best friends got married at 18. (I know, what is this-- "Little House on the Prairie?") Another friend at 22. The first one RE-married mid-twenties.
Because I stayed single, everyone thought I was: a) defective, or b) gay.
First I was annoyed, but when I started enjoying single life while they were married, I would laugh...And now they are jealous of me for having the smarts to know when a good thing DIDN'T come along. And now I've had an awesome single life with ridiculous, crazy fun while I'm young enough to do all the things I want-- and enjoy them!
So, now when people ask why I didn't get married yet, I tell them: "because I didn't do anything wrong." :-P
Just let your family know when you find a guy you're interested in, you'll let him stick around. ;-)
Yeah, I can't imagine getting married right now and I am fairly confident none of my friends can either. I just feel like they must think it is really odd that I've never ever brought a guy to a party or something like that. And I wish I could say I am having some great exciting crazy time right now since I am so young, but honestly I don't think I am... I definitely try to do new things but I just feel like my life isn't very exciting at all. I mean, even moving thousands of miles away for that internship didn't even help. In fact it even screwed with my head more about this whole issue. I moved to a whole other state, lived on my own and didn't have to answer to my parents for all that time. And it changed nothing. :-\
Wow, I know exactly how you feel. Especially considering the little miss perfect cousin. I have one of those, and she's dated a string of wonderful guys, never single for more than a month. And literally everyone I know is in a good relationship, and has been for years. Most of my friends had the benefit of meeting the supposed love of their lives just out of highschool, and until quite recently, I've never had a relationship worth mentioning. Dated some real scummy guys because I was so desperate to stop my grandma from telling me I'm too picky and if I'm not careful, I'll die alone.
Then I realised I don't want to waste my time or my happiness with someone I'm not crazy about. You shouldn't either - if you haven't met someone you are happy to be with, don't sweat it, and don't go searching for the next best thing. I know it can suck, but just tell them (and yourself!) that you're not willing to settle for anything less than you need and deserve.
I guess my other comment didn't take...I so hate repeating myself. You seem like a sweet kid and not infected with the sarcastic bug like I am. :)
It shouldn't matter why you don't have a boyfriend. If the timing isn't right, the timing isn't right. Lots of factors come into play here.
Boyfriends take up a lot of time and energy. Hate to say it, but a lot of guys your age are still immature (not all, but a good part). Some can juggle school, starting a career, and a boyfriend, but not all of us, and not all guys are willing to step back and let a girl get on her feet.
You're doing what's best for you. It takes a wise person to realize that she has all she can handle on her plate right now. Relationships take time and attention, just like plants. And, just like plants, no matter what you do, sometimes they wither and die anyway.
No guy is going to fill that empty part of you, only you can do that. You'll know you're ready for a boyfriend when your first thought is not "everyone has a boyfriend except me," but, "it would be really cool to have someone to share this with."
And with nosey relatives, remember that nobody can make you feel bad without your consent. You're an adult, not a child, and you don't have to answer to them if you don't want to. They'll huff and puff a little, but they have less control over you than you think.
I definitely can be sarcastic at times, and I do think I tried to just brush it off by saying the guys where I was were creepy. At the time he asked me, it really hadn't bothered me. I guess I just started to think about it more and more as time has gone on. It's not like this topic has been brought up a lot, but the fact it has been brought up at all really bothers me. And obviously I came to guyspeak to be prepared if it ever happens again...
The whole boyfriend thing never really bothered me all through high school (really only when I never had a date for either of my proms) but it just seems like in the past year and a half-ish I've been really sensitive about it. I tend to try and just brush it off and get upset about it later though. I feel like although I do have the feelings of "why does everyone have someone but me???" I have also thought the sharing comment as well. I felt like I was in such a good place while I was away for that internship something was bound to happen down there. Not to mention, although I said I would not want to do it, I am pretty sure had things been going well at the end of the internship I would have tried going long distance. As hard as I can imagine it would be.
I also just think what if Mr. Right (or even Mr. Right right now) comes along, I don't know how to act, what to do, anything. I just think I will scare him off with my inexperience... A girl has to learn somewhere?! Right??
I am like a freaking child in that respect... :-\ I'm pretty sure I don't even know how to flirt with a guy...
Don't worry so much! You'll be fine. I let people bully me into having a boyfriend when I wasn't ready for it, things happened, and now I'm a single parent. You date when you're ready, not when your uncle is ready for you to date. Finishing school is much more important than snaring a boyfriend.
Besides, the right guy will love you for who you are, not if you passed Flirting 101. In the meantime, maybe it's a good idea to work on platonic friendships with guys. You'll learn how they think, and you never know, one or two might actually like you THAT WAY. Haha. According to Funny Guy Swaim, the odds are actually much higher! XD
LOL my un-married 20 year old cousin, who'd recently had her 3rd child with the 3rd different guy... asked me "So... when are YOU going to start having children?" My reply offended her... I held up my finger, that was absent of a wedding band, pointed to the spot where the ring would eventually be... and said "When I've got a ring on THIS finger and a man by my side... that's when you'll see me having children!" (my dad loved that answer... my mother got mad because I'd offended one of her nieces... I didn't care!) :o)
Awesome!!!
Based on your comment above, it sounds like you're in college. So, look at it this way: Having a boyfriend is like adding 6 extra credit hours to your schedule (at least).
OMG! This is the EXACT situation I'm in. Thank you, thank you Lynne for asking it and thank you Cary for answering. I've been having to deal with my grandma almost constantly asking me when I'll have her some grandkids or when I'll find myself a man. I usually just tell her, "I don't know," for both questions but after she asks it so many times during a single visit I want to tell her to shut up and that I'll have MY kids when MY (future) HUSBAND and I want them and that I'll find said husband when God brings us together. But usually I just turn silent so she can take the hint that way. I have to deal with my friends getting new boyfriends or getting engaged also and while it usually doesn't effect me that much, sometimes it does and I get lonely.
Just remember to live your life and do the things that other people our age (I'm 21 too) don't get to do because of their "boo" or their kids. People (especially mature people) are naturally attracted to others who are confident in themselves, not people who have insecurities - they can sense it subconsciously most of the time so you can't really fool people by faking it. So be loud and proud that you're not tied down like they are. And when you do meet a guy and become tied down as well, hopefully yours will be a balanced relationship where you won't feel like you're being held back but instead have another extension of who you are. I'm sure when we get old we won't regret the decisions we made that allowed us to live a little, but the decisions we made that held us back.
Lol... Michelle, go to your local detention center. Find a correfctions officer and ask him to grab three juvenile parolees and bring them toyour grandma's house. That's a man and some kids. I promise she'll never bug you about it again...
Or, if you don't want criminals knowing where she lives, ask one of your married girlfriends if she would let you watch the kids one night, but feed them Snickers and Red Bull first. Same effect as the parolees, but I promise Grandma will back off the grandkids request for a while.
Not that I've done any of this...
I'm in the exact same situation and my family's the exact same way. I've said, "no, I don't have a boyfriend," so much that I think I've convinced them that I'm a lesbian...the lip ring probably doesn't help. It's really quite irritating, since I only see them on holidays anyway. So in all honesty, if your family is anything like mine, they might just be running down the usual list of questions (how's school, work, did you have fun over spring break, do you have a boyfriend?) just to make conversation.
I feel like in our society it's expected of 20-something-year-olds to date, and that's why everyone stares like 0.o when you tell them that you're single. All of my friends are either dating, engaged, married, or pregnant. Not even kidding, every. single. one. It makes me feel like the black sheep, but I like my independence and to be honest, I haven't found anyone I like enough to date.
Just roll with the punches and tell your family that you're perfectly happy being single.
What a lovely day for a 1605978! SCK was here