There's really not too much you can do, aside from call him out on lying. You're not going to be able to convince him to quit smoking - people with addictions need to make the determination for themselves as to when the right time is.
Keeping both of those things in mind, my advice is to let him know that it's not cool to lie to you, and to also let him know that you would like him to quit smoking, but you acknowledge the fact that it is entirely up to him as to when that will happen. Beyond that, I have another piece of advice. Don't give him a hard time about smoking. Don't roll your eyes when he goes out for a cigarette or tell him that he's killing himself. Smokers know that what they're doing is bad, so piling some disgust on doesn't do any good. In fact, it drives smokers to smoke even more.
He knows how you feel about his smoking, and soon he will know how you feel about his lying. Once he knows both of those things, hopefully he'll find a way to quit on his own, and soon. If not, and if it bothers you too much, consider finding a non-smoking boyfriend.
Ladies, what are your thoughts?
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I agree with MM, call him out on the lying but you can't make him quit smoking if he isn't ready.
You need to decide whether you are willing to date a smoker or not. I am guessing that you knew going into the relationship that he was a smoker. If you decide that you aren't willing to date a smoker then you may need to walk away. If you decide to overlook the smoking, then I agree with MM don't try to make him feel bad about smoking or give him a hard time about it - it won't make him quit and will likely lead to him just trying to hide it and lie about it.
You can however, request that he not smoke around you, not smoke in your home or in your car (but you can't make him not do it in his car or home - if he doesn't live with you - aside from when you are in the car or house). You can also refuse to kiss him after a smoke until he has mints, mouthwash or brushes his teeth :)
He will probably quit eventually but it will be on his terms and because he wants to. If you try to force him it will lead to lying about it and could make him resent you. When he is ready, he will quit :)
I agree with MM, call him out on the lying but you can't make him quit smoking if he isn't ready.
You need to decide whether you are willing to date a smoker or not. I am guessing that you knew going into the relationship that he was a smoker. If you decide that you aren't willing to date a smoker then you may need to walk away. If you decide to overlook the smoking, then I agree with MM don't try to make him feel bad about smoking or give him a hard time about it - it won't make him quit and will likely lead to him just trying to hide it and lie about it.
You can however, request that he not smoke around you, not smoke in your home or in your car (but you can't make him not do it in his car or home - if he doesn't live with you - aside from when you are in the car or house). You can also refuse to kiss him after a smoke until he has mints, mouthwash or brushes his teeth :)
He will probably quit eventually but it will be on his terms and because he wants to. If you try to force him it will lead to lying about it and could make him resent you. When he is ready, he will quit :)
Funny you should ask MM. I myself was in this exact situation with my now EX fiance. Yes. Ex. See, with him, the lying wasn't just about smoking. Which, by the way I had made clear when we were only dating, for very important person reasons, was a deal breaker for me. Hence the lying about him picking up the habit.
Annnnnyways. In my situation it was symptomatic of bigger issues that were already going on and that was just one in a list. Bottom line (my answer is much the same as yours with a P.S.) he's smoking and you don't like it tell him. Lying about the smoking is a separate issue. See, I discovered that he didn't find A LOT of things that were important to me, important. And that he would lie to do what he wanted anyhow, well it translated to other issues which eventually contributed to him being Ex and not current. Good luck.
To me, the lying is the bigger issue. He knows you do not like it, so he lied. That is totally disrespecting you & your trust in him. You need to ask yourself if he is going to sweat this, what else would he be deceitful about.
Just a quick demographic on me: 20 y/o female, boyfriend is a pack-a-week smoker who's under the assumption that I think he's a none-ever smoker.
That being stated. The sneakiness is disconcerting, but let's face it. A nicotine addiction isn't something anybody, male or female, is going to drop over someone else's hurt feelings or bruised pride. And yes there are dead giveaways and he's not fooling anyone, cool beans, you caught him red-handed. That's phenomenal. Your detective work knows no parallel.
We all know the health-related cons of smoking. Are there really any pros? Not in my opinion. I'm a non-smoker, so of course that's my view. I've also watched people in my very own family struggle to stop smoking after 40 years or more, and to make the understatement of the century, apparently it's rather difficult. So that's what I keep in mind. It could just as easily be me on the other end of the lighter. Would I want him throwing up his hands in disgust with my actions and walking away from a relationship that surely amounts to more than different views on cigarettes? I personally wouldn't, that would suck. My opinion is to support rather than attack. If he thinks you're going to dump him or scream in his face, or etc, if he smokes in front of you, then of course he's going to lie about it. Chances are he loves you, and values the relationship, and if he could just put them down and walk away, maybe he would. But addictions don't work that way.
So yes, circling back around to the other point, the lying sucks. Relationships do require honesty to function, or at least function well. But if that is the only thing he's trying to keep under wraps from you, I say let him have it. Try to GENTLY guide him towards products that curb the nicotine appetite. The gum, the patches, etc. But in my eyes, the key is to be supportive, not aggressive. Help him through the fog, don't bully him through it. That tends not to work.
did you know he smoked when you hooked up? someone pulled that on me, got together, then had a meltdown about ciggerettes. go find some pure person who doesn't stink, then, you perfect and holy people.
love is love.
control is control.
if you want a pet, get a cocker spaniel. if you want a human lover show some acceptance.
did you know he smoked when you hooked up? someone pulled that on me, got together, then had a meltdown about ciggerettes. go find some pure person who doesn't stink, then, you perfect and holy people.
love is love.
control is control.
if you want a pet, get a cocker spaniel. if you want a human lover show some acceptance.