Yeah, straight up asking "what are we" is a little Melrose Place for most dudes, and no matter what you are, will probably be greeted with a sarcastic response along the lines of "humans" or "students" or "broken up, now."
But on the other hand, I'd hate to tell you to go about it all subterfuge-y, because if you're looking for a solid answer about where your relationship stands, the easiest way to get to the truth is to be up front about it.
Sure, you might scare him off, but if you do, that's pretty much your answer, right? I mean, if this guy's not interested in developing the relationship and you just keep dropping hints or trying to get him to define your thang, you're basically delaying the inevitable and causing yourself heartache out of sheer cowardice.
If you want some information and you don't ask for it, you're wasting your time and his. Much better to rip the band-aid off quickly; who knows? There may be a swollen, pus-filled wound of true love under there.
But I think something that's important to remember is that guys don't necesarrily classify their relationships in the same terms you might. We don't graduate from phase to phase, or track our love points and level up, presumably increasing in sexual prowess at each step.
This guy may very well just be "in a relationship" with you, not defining it, and enjoying himself from day to day. What defines a relationship? What do you really need to know? What are you? Two people enjoying time together. What's wrong with that? Relajate, chica.
Don't ask for a label--girlfriend, booty call, soul mate--just ask him to share his feelings. That's a lot less confrontational, and I think it's probably what you're really trying to get at. Not "what you are," but "how you're doing." If you both want the other person's happiness and enjoy spending time together, who cares what abstract relationship slot you fit into?
But since you asked me for a word-for-word, my best bet would be something like "hey douchenozzle, put a ring on it or GTFO." That way if he freaks out you can always say you were joking, and if he laughs, looks deeply into your eyes and goes for a kiss, you've got your answer (HINT: he hates your guts).
Trust me, if something as minimal as a standard emotional check-in scares him off, he wasn't planning to stick around in the first place.
I have never understood women's fear of asking this question. If a guy wants to see you exclusively, he won't run away when you ask him if he wants to be exclusive (unless he's 15... or just really immature.) He will say yes! Or, if you catch him off-guard, he will take a few moments (or days) to clear his head and then say yes. If he freaks out well, then you have your answer and you can both move on with your lives.
It's simple- don't ask a question if you aren't prepared to deal with it if the truth!
The gal pal did a similar topic recently... and my reply there was similar as well. Be straight-forward, and try to find a mate who is also straight-forward. Better communication and a lot less drama=a very good thing.
Peace.
wish i could have read this info a few weeks ago! i was getting mixed signals from a guy i was "being with". This could have been real helpful! i could have stopped wasting my time with a total douche-bag!!!
Not gunna lie, I almost pissed myself laughing at the "douchnozzle" thing.
And the reason women ask this question? Because we're horribly insecure and are praying to Batman (or whatever religious figure) that we're not being used. We want to know we're more than just a hole. We see shitty-ass male stereotypes daily, and we want to know if (who we consider to be) OUR man is one or not.
I pray for the day that Batman becomes a religious figure. I'll jump on board that shit so fast.
Another devotee to the Church of Batman!
Marry me?
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I have to say that for the past few of hours i have been hooked by the amazing posts on this site. Keep up the good work.