It means he's not looking to get serious. He likes you, wants to keep dating, but isn't looking to be your boyfriend. He's not actively looking around for someone else, but he's not looking to be tied down either. And he's definitely not scared. That is such a misconception, that if a guy doesn't want to get serious he must be scared of commitment. Sure, some guys have commitment issues. But usually "commitment issues" means he hasn't found the right person to get serious with and/or he's still looking to date around and not be tied down.
"Not into labels" is usually code for "I'm not looking to get serious with you." Also, "I might start seeing someone else at some point, and when you ask me about it, I'll remind me you that I'm not your boyfriend." Telling you he isn't into labels is basically saying he isn't looking to get serious right now. That's his way of letting you know that you are not his girlfriend and won't be until he's ready. (Or possibly not at all.) It's a way to keep you at arm's length. Is that a position you want to be in?
Saying you aren't into labels is pretty lame, if you ask me. The people who say it think they are some free spirit who doesn't subscribe to society's rules, man, when really they're just not being honest. A better tactic would be to say that he likes you, isn't seeing anyone else right now, but also isn't looking to get serious right now. The "not into labels" line is the sign of a jerk in many cases. It's the sort of thing a guy says when you catch him with another woman. "Hey, I said I wasn't into labels, babe!" This guy is in the driver's seat in terms of commitment right now. Keep this in mind if you're looking to get serious.
"Not into labels" is usually code for "I'm not looking to get serious with you." Also, "I might start seeing someone else at some point, and when you ask me about it, I'll remind me you that I'm not your boyfriend." Telling you he isn't into labels is basically saying he isn't looking to get serious right now. That's his way of letting you know that you are not his girlfriend and won't be until he's ready. (Or possibly not at all.) It's a way to keep you at arm's length. Is that a position you want to be in?
Saying you aren't into labels is pretty lame, if you ask me. The people who say it think they are some free spirit who doesn't subscribe to society's rules, man, when really they're just not being honest. A better tactic would be to say that he likes you, isn't seeing anyone else right now, but also isn't looking to get serious right now. The "not into labels" line is the sign of a jerk in many cases. It's the sort of thing a guy says when you catch him with another woman. "Hey, I said I wasn't into labels, babe!" This guy is in the driver's seat in terms of commitment right now. Keep this in mind if you're looking to get serious.
Very good answer. Funny, I was asking myself the same question. That guy I was seeing told me he had just gotten into an exclusive thing with someone else...and when I told him "good for you in you are in a serious relationship", he told me he truly didn't want a relationship, that he was scared of where the one he was in was going to go and that he was NOT boyfriend/girlfriend with her, just exclusive. I have to admit that I read his message 5 times to really understand what it meant. Exclusive but not bf/gf....He wants to date but doesn't want to get serious. I mean sometimes I wonder...is it possible to find a guy without TOO MUCH baggage who is NOT gonna raise all those questions and just enjoy spending time with us...and stay open to what could happen...Guys of guyspeak, what do you think? What do you think about those guys who talk about exclusivity but don't want to get serious "right now"..? Because let's face it, if they're not seeing anyone else, if they keep on going on dates with you and if they are thoughtful, it sounds pretty serious to me. No? What do you think?
Heh, maybe we should compare notes! lol
Exclusive but not bf/gf? Yeah, I scratch my head over this one too. And they say women are puzzling creatures... Heck! It goes both ways!
Hi Frenchie. I've seen you post comments on other threads about the same guy. I think the root of your confusion is that you are psychoanalyzing what he says instead of looking at what he's NOT saying. When you are in love it can be hard to look at someone objectively and if you overthink his words you can read almost anything into them. I suppose, if I were to free associate using what he said, that he wants you to be faithful to him while he plays the field. Or he isn't into dating other girls right now but he doesn't want the responsibilities of calling you every few days, spending money to take you out, or meeting your family. Neither of us are mind readers so we don't know for sure what he means
But he is NOT saying "I don't want to date anyone else and I want to be your boyfriend". Your problem is that although he doesn't say it you are trying your best to tease that meaning out of what he does say. You want this man to be your boyfriend so bad that you are taking his non-committal words and trying to twist them into at least the future possibility of true love. I know you love this man but I really think you are hooked on the cycle of talking to him and investing huge amounts of energy into figure him out psychologically. It also sounds like he knows that all he has to do is feed you some ambiguous lines and you will spend months on every word.
He will probably never tell you how he really feels about you so stop wasting your time trying to understand his crap. Are you a college student? If you like analyzing people like this maybe you should be a therapist or a social worker. But if you have been trying to get this man to love you for over a year it is time to move on. And until a guy says "I don't want to date anyone else and I want to be your boyfriend" don't assume he wants to somewhere in his heart. Assume that he just doesn't feel it and move on to someone who does.
Hey..
Thanks for taking the time to answer, although I think I'm done with him. I WAS definitely overanalyzing him. I am not a college student though.(got my MBA in Business). I've just always been interested in the reasons why people act the way they do. When he was saying something that just didn't make sense to me, I wasn't upset, just like "wait a second, go back, why on earth would you say something like this?". One day (and thats one of the best one I've heard), he told me: "I'm not sure I would do everything it takes to make it work with someone, but I want a kid". I tried to make him realize that this didn't make any sense but as I would explain him why, he would just close himself and say nothing. That's how he was. As I was going a little deeper showing him his contradictions, he would just turn away and go with some dumb girl who probably didn't ask anything. It was impossible to sit down and have a real discussion with him. I totally accept the fact that we weren't meant to be lovers. I just sat down the other day and it all came down to: Do you want to be with someone who doesn't talk, and who can't stand the fact that you're calling him on his BS? Who chooses the easy way out when you aren't afraid to travel the world to see him again? (I'm from France, he's from Canada) No, you don't. End of story.I kind of always knew. He was the first guy I loved. I guess that's why I didn't really want to admit and accept that it was going nowhere. The universal (if not pathetic) story, I thought i would open his eyes on a lot of things, but It wasn't my job nor my responsibility. I do agree with you on everything you said though. I'm just content that I did everything I could and I won't have to say "what if" for the rest of my life. It's easier to live with a "too bad" than a "what if". Thanks for your answer snakearms. :)
The same thing happened to me. Except he said, "I have never officially asked someone to be my girlfriend". This is 6 months after he had broken up with his girlfriend of 3 years...yeah right.
Just because you broke up with a gf doesn't mean you asked her to be your gf. If she asked him to be her bf and he said yes, then by definition she's his gf without him asking her "officially".
Ok, but that's still a lie on his part. It's a lie by withholding information.
Ok, but it's still a lie by omission.
Well gee this entry was a nice little splash of cold water on my face right when I need it. I love Guy Speak and I love a good reality check once in a while =)
ouchhhh that's a hell of a wake up call...
Ugh, I would so much rather be told directly that a guy doesn't want to see me for whatever reason than be given some roundabout answer/explanation like "I'm not into labels." I understand it's difficult to be straight/honest with someone, but I personally (and I'm sure a lot of other people as well) would appreciate the straightforward honest truth instead of some indirect, confusing, and ambiguous cop-out.
So "exclusive but not bf/gf" means a commitment to be together, not necessarily commitment to each other. The problem is only one of them gets they are both still free agents. Misunderstanding by semantics...
Seems simple to me. I sometimes date exclusively. Usually this is a mutually agreed upon thing. This means we only date each other. This does not mean we are boyfriend and girlfriend. It just means that we've decided that until we determine where the relationship between us is going, we are only going to see each other.
"And he's definitely not scared." This whole idea that men are scared of commitment is just a massive female projection. Girls ask guys enough times if they are scared of commitment and guys realize it is a plausible lie that allows them to avoid confrontation. When a guy won't commit there's usually no deeper reason than that he just doesn't want to.
I do believe there are times guys do freak out about committing but the majority of times, you are right - it's just an excuse. This explains guys dragging their feet every step of the way in one relationship to suddenly racing to the altar so fast it makes your head spin because it is now the right girl unfair as it is to the other girl...
I saw a guy for two years who convinced me to meet him because he wanted to have a relationship. After we connected and became physical he decided he didnt want anything serious but still wanted to see me. This worked for a while because I was transitioning out of a relationship. I would ask why he didnt want a relationship and he would say I wasnt the right fit. After finally realizing he had another girlfriend and I was his back up he came over smelling ot smoke. (she smoked). I told him go be with her but please dont insult my intelligence anymore. Go be happy..He tried to convince me he didn't kiss her ect but it was too late. He also tried to convince me we were exclusive and if I didn't believe him then this was it. I turned his game on him. Well, what do you want me to say I dont believe you. Cause if you do I will. I was calm and didnt lash out and told him I loved him wanted him to be happy and that he needs to learn to handle conflict and pain within the relationship he is in and dont triangle others in. I told him I was confident he had the ability to do this. Somehow this smoke on his breath and perfume validated everything. I hurt but at least I knew my feelings were accurate. He was stunned and when I didnt return his calls or act anxious when he would text me in the middle of night asking how I was I realized my anxious and fear and crazy feelings infused him with self confidence--before he knew I was always there for him. Maybe he did it on purpose in life there are no accidents. But at least now I can move on with my life and realize when someone says they want casual and nothing serious that is exactly what they mean and if they you are not the right fit you will never be and you need to honor that unless you want to torture yourself. Be compassionate because someday you might be in their shoes.
ive been seeing this guy for about 3 months now , and his always away at work so i only get to see him when he has his days off . he treats me like im his girlfriend btu doesnt wanna be in a commiit relationship keeps telling me , gf take up to much time and he just doesnt want one and just see how it goes .. what the hell does that me ??
i dont wanna wait around for someone who doesnt wanna be in a relationship
Is it true if a guy is interested and wants to pursue, he will, no matter what. If a guy wants a certain car, he will do whatever it takes to obtain it as long as he can afford it. If a guy is ready, willing and able and knows a girls worth and that she is the best thing since sliced bread and butter, and yes there are other women, prettier, longer legs, prettier eyes, etc., it doesn't matter though because the guy will do whatever to get the girl that has stolen his heart?
my guy is a bit different whenever someone calls him "mine" or me "his" he never objects but we havent labeled us yet.
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