You know what to say. Tell him you're not interested in dating anyone right now. You need some solo time. "I'm flattered, but I'm just really into being single right now." He'll get the hint. If he doesn't, pull out the old "I don't want to ruin our friendship" stand-by. That one never fails. In fact, that's really what you need to say. Because, you're not into him. If you were, this phase of wanting to be a lonely astronaut floating around in single space would suddenly end.
No one really wants to be single. What we want is a break from the B.S. of dating. Sometimes we need some time to recharge our batteries, have a little "me" time, and take some time away from the hell that is the dating scene. Right now, you're content with being single. That's a good thing. Not for this poor guy who's crushing on you, but them's the breaks.
So be honest with him. Tell him you like him as a friend. He'll get over it in time. We've all heard it at one point of another. Also, it leaves less room for ambiguity. If he thinks you don't want to date anyone now, he'll sit around waiting in the hopes that you'll suddenly be ready to date again and choose him. If he rocked your world, it would be a different story. We can all use a little honesty once in a while. You like having him in your life as a friend. Let him down easy, and hopefully you'll still be friends. The worst thing you can do is give him a sliver of hope to hold on to by being ambiguous or too afraid to tell him the truth. Just be honest about how you feel about him and where you are in your life. If he can't be friends with you, that's on him. But if he's really a nice guy, he'll understand (and hopefully remain your friend).
No one really wants to be single. What we want is a break from the B.S. of dating. Sometimes we need some time to recharge our batteries, have a little "me" time, and take some time away from the hell that is the dating scene. Right now, you're content with being single. That's a good thing. Not for this poor guy who's crushing on you, but them's the breaks.
So be honest with him. Tell him you like him as a friend. He'll get over it in time. We've all heard it at one point of another. Also, it leaves less room for ambiguity. If he thinks you don't want to date anyone now, he'll sit around waiting in the hopes that you'll suddenly be ready to date again and choose him. If he rocked your world, it would be a different story. We can all use a little honesty once in a while. You like having him in your life as a friend. Let him down easy, and hopefully you'll still be friends. The worst thing you can do is give him a sliver of hope to hold on to by being ambiguous or too afraid to tell him the truth. Just be honest about how you feel about him and where you are in your life. If he can't be friends with you, that's on him. But if he's really a nice guy, he'll understand (and hopefully remain your friend).
No no no...bad idea. "I don't want to ruin our friendship" is soul-crushing, because most guys know it's a total lie. A woman has no problem risking a friendship if she's into the guy. Best way is "I'm seeing someone now," even if it's a lie, because it's a convincing lie. If he knows you well enough not to believe it, THEN do the "I like being single" thing. Then make sure you don't casually mention any dates to the guy. Or a few weeks/months later complain about some guy hitting on you and not believing you when you told this other guy you like being single right now. Bingo, instant verification.
"Imaginary boyfriend" is never the answer.
This is the worst advice I've ever read on this kind of question. All of those standard responses leave the door open for hope, which will leave the dude crushed when you end up with someone else. Tell him you're not interested in him like that. Simple and brutal, leave *no* hope. This isn't being cruel it's being honest. Cruel is saying you're not interested RIGHT NOW. Emphasis mine, but that's how a lot of guys will hear it. Even saying "You don't want to ruin the friendship" implies that's the only reason you don't want to date. Honestly, kicking him right in the junk would be a better move.
Yes, that does seem more honest. However I think Nick's advice is good in that it leaves room for her to change her mind, which is possible. Cause she doesn't say why she wants to be single. String of bad dates that made her lose hope in ever finding a guy who sparks? Finally figuring out that she has a tendency of picking wrong-for-her dudes? Other priorities that are needing her full attention? There could be lots of reasons that are impeding her ability to see the potential of this *really nice* guy right now. He could chose to hang around as a friend or not, but as long as you are clear about that distinction it could leave the door open for getting to know one another better in a no-pressure kinda way.
Having asked the question, I have a couple of things to say. First, thanks Nick, I didn't expect an answer so soon. It's good advice, but there was a tiny bit of the question I think wasn't really considered: he hasn't "made a move" yet. He hasn't come out and said he likes me. He just tries hard to spend time around me, smiles a lot and glances my way as often as he can when he thinks I'm not looking. (For the record, I'm not in high school, I'm 22 and studying to get my degree).
I feel awkward telling him I know he likes me and would rather have him think of me only as a friend. On the other hand, waiting for him to come out and say it would be a scheme making him vulnerable only so I can say I'm not interested. See my dilemma? Maybe I'm thinking too much about it, but I feel terrible hurting a nice guy's feelings.
Just so we're clear, the reason why I don't want a relationship: for some reason, when guys like me I freak out. It has happened every time (just one exception) since I was 6 or 7 (yes, even innocent "I like you"s back then got that reaction). At first, I was very annoyed and became rude just to get them off my back. Now I have the good sense to realize what's going on before I lash out at them for no good reason, but I still freak out. This time I was even flattered (that's a first), and it didn't help much.
That's my problem and I'll eventually get around to dealing with it. If anyone's wondering, the exception turned out to be something of a sociopath (not jerk, sociopath, I'm serious).
Oh my... I have the same problem as you. I also often have problem when there's a guy that like me. I really like to have a guy as a friend though. And there is a nice guy who also like me now and I can't say "sorry, i'm not interested" coz he hasn't "made a move" yet. And I also doesn't want to hurt him by avoiding him, coz he success become my discus-friend b4 I was aware of his interest. *I'm also in college now :)
Oh my… I have the same problem as you. I also often have problem when there’s a guy who like me. I really like to have a guy as a friend though. And there is a nice guy who also likes me now and I can’t say “Sorry, I’m not interested” coz he (like yours) hasn’t “made a move” yet and I also doesn’t want to hurt him by avoiding him (coz he success become my discus-friend b4 I was aware of his interest)… Note: I’m also in college now ☺
Talk to him as a friend. Have a general discussion about dating and how you just don't want to be involved with anyone. You can be far more brutal this way because you're not talking about him, just guys in general. You can slam his 'if you found the right man' suggestions without outright rejecting him.
I'd suggest seeking some sort of help for the underlying issues so being single can really be your choice (I disagree with Nick's 'no one wants to be single' comment as a general rule) but I wouldn't bring this up with him as he may then be inclined to be your 'saviour'.
I really like this suggestion. You can put your position right out there without having to make it about him, plus you get the bonus of letting him know you trust him as a friend at the same time by talking about such a "sensitive" topic!
What a lovely day for a 3732682! SCK was here
This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like Mixview' that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you're listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of "neighbors" will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune "Social" is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
What on earth is wrong with being honest? When we tiptoe around peoples feelings with statements like, I don't want to hurt our friendship, I'm dating someone right now or I'm taking a break from dating, it leaves a glimmer of hope for them. And feelings of a romantic nature will grasp at whatever glimmer they can find, even imagined glimmer:) After all these years of having guy friends who at one time or another have liked me, I can honestly say beyond a shaddow of a doubt, that being straightforward and firm in that you see them as a friend or brother, is the best thing you can do for yourself and them. It free's them to look at others without holding on to the hope of you, and it allows your friendship a chance to grow in the direction that makes you comfortable. Have I lost guy friends doing this? Yes, I have because some of my friends, were only friends because they were hoping for something more.