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What's up Panama?! I asked a guy I'm friends with out on a date. He said "not at the moment", but wins nicest/best rejection ever. We're still freinds, but he's increased the physical contact (hugs, etc). Is this just over compensating for the friendship?

Funny you should ask that because there's a very good chance that he is. Well, not compensating for the friendship, but overcompensation for the fact that he rejected you and he wants you to be okay.

Here's an interesting example. I was standing in line at my work cafeteria one day and this woman stops me, pulls me to the side and tells me that I have a nice voice. Awww. That was very sweet of her. Now, I have no idea what to do after that. Is that an indication that she's interested? Was she just giving me a compliment? It takes a lot to put yourself out there. Well, I said "thank you" and kept it moving. Well, now, every time I see her, I make it a point to speak and be nice because I have no idea if I rejected her or not by letting the convo die.

Could be the same thing. He really likes you and values you as a person so he wants you to know how much by giving you hugs a lot or something. If he wants to actually date you, I think he'll ask you next time or let you know that while the moment wasn't right before, it's right now if you're still open.

He's just trying to keep things as on the up-and-up as possible to not mess up the friendship.

He's a nice guy I see. Keep him around.

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4 Comments

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Sounds like a VERY nice person. :) I agree: keep him.

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I don't know if he is nice or not. I'm friends with someone who I have feelings for and everyone else, including myself, believe he has feelings for me as well. The only thing is, he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but never said he didn't care about me. He has a way of holding on to me by being nice, sometimes flirty. I feel like he wants me in his life, but now how I want him in mine and he takes advantage of that knowing I'll still hang around. This guy you're talking about could be the same way... unknowingly bad.

user-pic

I'm in a similar situation- my good guy friend knows I have feelings for him, and he cares about me a lot and admits to having an open flirty chemistry with me - we kiss and snuggle and all that - but he doesn't want to date me, and I know he's not over someone else. He won't let me go (and I won't let go), but he can't be all mine either. bleh. There might be an element of him taking advantage of the situation, but I'm also responsible for letting him do so because I want him in my life more than I don't.

Hannah

Update: It has been confirmed now (about a month later) that he and another mutual friend are "taking it slow." There's not enough space in this comment box to explain what is going on inside my head, though most of it is confusion. The "not right now" feels like a definite "no" tonight.

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