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Whats your opinion on domestic discipline? My husband wants our marriage to be a dd marriage. m not sure about this, what do you think about this ?

If by domestic disclipline you mean a relationship where one party (usually the husband I assume) has the authority over the other and has the ability to discipline (via spanking, etc) and/or back up that authority, by any means necessary, then I take issue with it.

Malcolm X.

Let me say this: to each his own. How you chose to live your life and marriage is up to you. Hakuna matata. However you asked what I think about it. Frankly, I think its the most asinine non-sense I've heard in a long while. I can't imagine asking my wife to allow me to reign supreme over here in such a way that I'd basically be her father. I just couldn't do it. Maybe I like my mother too much and don't have designs on kicking rabbits and therefore dont buy this practice, but it wouldn't work for me. I want a partner in a wife - a sidekick - somebody I can do dastardly deeds with and then pretend we didn't later. I don't want somebody to lord over and impose my will upon. I ALSO wouldn't cotton too well to a woman who was so subservient to me that she'd basically be my slave. Maybe thats a bit extreme, but its how it comes across to me.

But picture me putting my wife across my knee and spanking her for not having my laundry done. That would never work in my house. Mostly because I LOVE (!!!!) doing laundry. The only time I want to spank my wife is when we're pleasuring eachother with fly swatters and spatulas. You know, during Thanksgiving and such.

So if this is something you are okay with and don't mind being apart of, by all means, do your thing, but there's no way I could suggest or subject any woman I loved to that non-sense.

It was written.

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54 Comments

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This sounds like the husband just wants her to consent to domestic violence, so that she won't call the police when he hits her. Many, many abusers tell themselves and their partners that they are simply disciplining their wives and children when in fact it is domestic violence. This is a really scary post, and I think the poster should get help.

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You've already said that you feel uncomfortable with this in your question. Go with your gut. It sounds like this guy is a jerk with power issues. If you give him license to discipline you it's just going to escalate to abuse before he moves on to whatever children the two of you create. If you consent to domestic discipline, you are giving him permission to abuse you and lord over you and by the time you are sick of it and want to leave you will be too afraid to go. Sex play is one thing, but this is atrocious. Personally, I would be running for the hills because I would be worried that it would turn into a DD marriage even without my consent. Who the heck want to be with someone who wants to act like your daddy and/or hit you?

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curious how long you have been married? was in an emotionally abusive marriage, and i would say to even ask is demeaning. there should be no power exchange in a marriage in this day and age, and what he is asking you to do is to give up some of your power. mind you, if he is talking about fly swatters at thanksgiving, then i agree, if it floats your boat, go for it. but like a previous commenter, your sixth sense is already kicking in on this one for a reason. always listen to THAT even if what we have to say here makes no sense to you whatsoever, your instinct will NEVER be wrong. and i say that because i wish i had listened to mine as it would have saved me a lot of grief, and it takes a VERY long time to rebuild the self esteem that someone else takes down. one of my favorite dr phil quotes is "you teach people how to treat you", so teach him how you want to be treated, and if a little fun play is part of that, then enjoy each other. but if he wants to treat you in a way that you feel lesser as a result, you are going down a very long and rocky road. all the best.

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woulda been nice if he let you know he was into that BEFORE you were stuck with him cause it usually signifies a low self worth on his side and controlling issues..to make himself feel more of a man...and sometimes it can turn ugly real quick.
its kind of a fantasy land..but it gets quite real, like you go shopping one day and he goes DID I SAY you could go shopping YOU DIDNT ASK.... its just scary sometimes..... and no one wants to fucking ask to wipe their ass... lol

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We are assuming that the husband wants to be the discipline-er, not the discipline-ee, but many men love to be humiliated (and some women do too). Maybe he's asking her to be a dominatrix? Or maybe he wants to take turns?

In either case, though, be very sure that you know exactly what he's asking for and why he's asking for it. You want him to know that you've given it thought, and you aren't jumping to conclusions or making judgements about him.
But if you are even remotely uncomfortable, do not do it. No one should ever be uncomfortable in sex. If you enjoy it, or are curious, but are worried about propriety or something, that's different, and maybe you should try being game. But making someone do something they don't want to do isn't lovemaking. It's more like the R-word.

lilcutiebooboo

WTF?

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The only D in this relationship should be for Divorce. Get out now. He's crazy, controlling and wants your consent to beat you. Leave.

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A lot of people won't get this, but it is what it is. DD is not abuse, in any way shape or form. It's both people consenting to carrying on their relationship in a certain way. My bf and I participate in this, and we are completely equals in every way, we have each other's back, and he does not control me, but the DD aspect helps us to resolve conflicts and maintain harmony. It's also a huge turn on. It's not for everyone, and the person who asked should only do it if she 100% wants to, but for those who enjoy it, it's very fulfilling and fun.

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I agree with snappypepper. I approached my husband with the need for DD in our marriage. It's been over a year now and we have never been happier and our marriage has never been stronger. It's not for everyone, but to each his own.

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Domestic Discipline is not Domestic Abuse. DD is the consensual agreement to a new lifestyle. Where the wife accepts her husband loving authority. This is not a controlling move but a very caring way of a husband to have the family on track and help the wife become aware of her feminine energy.
NO fights, no arguments ... just love and respect.

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Steering this back on topic...

Make it clear that both of you are adults capable of making adult decisions. If he demands you let him treat you like his property, make it clear that wife beating is against the law and that you will press criminal charges against him if he lays a finger on you. If he doesn't like that, divorce him.

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