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When a guy asks if you want to hang out, how are you supposed to know if he means as friends or if it's a date?

Dear Jessica85,

If I were a Magic 8-Ball and you just shook me, the answer I'd show you is, "Cannot predict now."

This is one of those that could go either way, and without knowing the guy or how he asked you to hang out (tone of voice, context, setting, etc.), I can't really say. I mean, "You wanna hang out some time?" means one thing when asked in class, but something entirely different when you're naked in bed and just finished bumpin' uglies, right?

My gut tells me that he's interested in you. Sure, guys and girls can be friends and just hang out together, but for him to ask you directly tells me he has the hots for you. But then I wonder why he doesn't just ask you out on a real date. He's either shy or really does just want to be friends.

Why not just come right out and ask him?

Him: You want to hang out some time?

You: Sure, I'd love to. Are we talking a date or something like studying together?

I'm all for the direct approach, but if that's too much for you, try this:

Him: You want to hang out some time?

You: Yes, that would be fun. When did you have in mind? I'm free tomorrow.

His response to either of these questions will make it clear what he wants from you. If he's not willing to pinpoint a time to do all this hanging out, then you'll know he's full of hot air.


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11 Comments

Megan

I was asked to hang out once. I did, he just wanted into my pants. He probably wants into your pants. Otherwise he might have said "want to "go out" sometime? Go out meaning date. Hang out, pants time. At least that's my experience. Eitherway, have fun and use a condom.

meiggs

If the many previous guyspeak posts are to be believed, guys mostly hang out with women they're attracted to (or would not mind drunkenly boning) so then the odds would be he's interested. Am I getting this right? I hope this Jessica85 tells us how this works out because I'd like to know.
I have some guy friends that I treat like sexless wonders (mostly guys in relationships) and other guy friends that I have a ton of sexual tension with. It's just automatic for me. Depending on which group this guy is from, that is usually how I know, although I've gotten myself into some trouble with that. Sometimes the neutered group turns out to be more sexually motivated than I thought...yikes!

Megan

Hahaha the neutered group. She said neuter.

But yeah, been there done that. Gotta love sexual attraction when you know it's going both ways. Had that experience with a construction worker who was on the team remodeling the store I worked at. When we saw each other it was like fire shot straight into the loins. Too bad I was taken at the time. He was amazing.

TheMetalHead

I'd have to agree with Cary here. Sounds a bit like he likes you. Of course, I'm assuming this guy isn't someone you hang out with every day, and that he wants to hang out with you alone. Could be that he wants to test the waters and see if he really likes you/you like him before he tries to ask you out.

I asked my girlfriend to "hang out" a few times before I officially asked her out for exactly that reason. I wanted to make sure she liked me cause I was so afraid of rejection.

Daisy

Good answer, Cary. I agree. Just ask---that's the best way to find out his intentions, in my mind. Simple communication works very well if you try it. Stop trying to second guess what is going on. Just ask.

Of course, if you are in the fifth grade, you could ask YOUR best friend to ask HIS best friend if he just likes you or if he really "LIKES" you likes you, but I'm assuming you are probably older than the fifth grade and can handle communicating with him directly.

Frenchie

I have to say that from personal experience, I've been fooled with this "hanging out" business too many times!
I thought were just hanging out, as friends.
But everytime, turns out it was an " I want to date you" thing..
So yeah, watch out.

prettylady

I actually find that guy ALWAYS are physically attracted to you, but are too scared to actually ask you out. If I ask a guy who asks me this "Ya I'm free Saturday, what did you have in mind" he usually bumbles out somehting like. "errrr ummm ya Saturday, that's good... I'll call you". I find that a guy too scared to ask me on a date isn't up to that sort of direct questioning. They have a look on their faces like, "well that wasnt supposed to happen! I was trying to aviod saying that I want to go out with her explicitly and then she made me clarify, ugg". Lol, boys- just ask us to go to coffee sometime. Its easy, and much less low key than a dinner date.
I personally hate mixed signals like asking to hang out if they acutally want to GO out with me. Poor communication skills (even if due to nervousness) is BIG minus points for me. I have little patience for wall-flower men!

user-pic

I met a guy who asks me to go out a couple of times a week.. just like a month ago. When I'm with him, he'll talk about hanging out every day and then he'll kind of disappear for a couple of days. We're both broke... jobless and relyin on our parents. He's 10 years younger than me and he has lots of friends and I don't cuz i'm new in town. Also I have kids back home.. that might be a put off.. at any rate, this is the first guy who hasn't tried to just have sex with me and even though i wasn't impressed initially with him, this making me wait thing is making me want him like crazy. and that's probably what ur guy is doing. or he has a handful of girls he's trying to date and your the fallback.... so, don't be so available either. ppl want what they cant have.. so, get busy and forget about it. as soon as you put him out of your mind, he'll most likely call. its like a 6th sense

user-pic

I'm 5'6, petite frame with a sizable rack (reason as to why I'm explaining this is fairly important). With my experience, when a guy would ask me to "hang out" 9 times out of 10 it was to hook up. These tend to be the "want to hang out?" questions that come out of the blue. However, if its somewhat planned in advance, I'd say its hanging as friends first, then if it continues will more than likely lead to dates!.

user-pic

omigosh, help! the same sort of thing just happened to me, only problem is im 14 and my parents are super strict, so im not allowed to date and i dont even know if they'd let me hang out alone with boys. so i really like this guy, but i dont know how to ask my parents, and i havent even got the chance to ask them yet, because i have this incredibly busy schedule that has got me booked all week and weekend, what do i do?

user-pic

Oh that's hard, I'm 15 and my parents are kinda but kinda not like that. What I do is hang out with him, some of his friends, and some of my friends . That way it's not awkward for you and your parents probaby won't spaz :) Just get him alone for a while when your all hanging out and get to know him better . I'm supper busy to but truth is ... If you really like this guy you will just find some kind of time for him:) If you don't then don't cuz actually when you end up liking someone lots at 14 the guy ends up ditching you :(

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