You're not doing anything wrong, but you should think about just not doing anything at all.
The death of a parent is terrible, and such family tragedies can wreak havoc on relationships. He's grieving, and there's just no play book for grief. Everybody does it their own way, for as long as they need to. The best thing you can do is fall back a little. Let him know you are there for him in whatever capacity he needs -- and that might include him taking time to bunker down with his brothers. Allow him his space. It hurts to watch someone you care about suffer, but it's the only thing you can do.
If you want to help him, he has to come to you.
When my dad died, I was a total wreck. I remember my girlfriend at the time desperately trying to reach out to me. In retrospect, I realize she meant well. It's natural to want to put back together someone who is tearing themselves apart. But at the time, her pleas, tears, hugs, and sweet words just crowded a brain too full of whiskey, regrets, and darkness. I couldn't deal with my pain and her agony at watching me cope.
Ultimately, it was one of the main contributing factors to our eventual, and messy, break-up. To this day, I mourn the fact that I had no perspective beyond my own emptiness at that time, and that I couldn't recognize her good intentions.
You can't be there for him now, not in the way that feels right to you. You can be there for him in spirit.. And you can be there for him when emerges from his fog.
Until then, I think it's appropriate that he finds solace and support in his brothers.
Perfect, perfect response - I had the same kind of experience when I lost each of my parents - besides the pain, I think the loss kind of changes you in a way that is unanticipated. There's a hole that is never filled. There was also the leap to being a complete grown-up - but all of that came with a lot of experimentation, growth and all of those phases of loss that some doctor has decided we go through. No one can help someone get through that process, and the pressure to be "there" for someone who wants to support you makes everything so much worse.
Tell them you're there for them, mean it and then let them do what they need to to get through hell.
When my friend's mom died from a very aggressive relapse of breast cancer, I hadn't known anyone who died, so I couldn't provide her with support. But the answer above is a good one. Let him know you're there if he wants to talk, but don't be offended if he talks with his brothers and not you.
Very good response. My boyfriends mother committed suicide 6 months into our relationship. He's the one who found her; it was horrendous. He was a total mess, didn't even sleep for two weeks, because of recurrent nightmares of finding her there. It was an incredibly tough time, but ultimately our relationship wouldn't be anywhere near as strong as it is now.
This really is a perfect response. I was in the reverse situation recently - my father passed, and my boyfriend didn't know what to do, but I really relate to this anyways.
Truth is it hurts when you lose a parent. I'm 27 now and lost my dad @15. I still cry and don't always turn to my lover. My mother we lost 2yrs ago and I only talk to my little brother. None else. So don't be angery or too hurt by your lovers actions. Just be strong for the both of you and listen when he talk. Even when it makes no sense to you,because it may just be those few to many words that will heal him.
same situation here. I got pregnant n we decided to have the abortion. Unfortunatly, his mom died ,so he went back home n i had to do the surgery by myself. He came back to comfort me then went back home again. After that 3 days no calls no txt. I was so emotional then called him n cried like a crazy. Then he said he gotta take care the others n later call me back. But he never did. I sent him a txt to say ssorry ,but he never reply. its been a week already. I miss him i need him. but I dont contact him anymore. idk if its right but i think its better to leave him alone now..what do u guys think
What a lovely day for a 1526126! SCK was here