Immediately. Why wouldn't you? Your child is part of who you are. Tell him right upfront, and proudly. Your kid is part of your life; if he dates you, your kid will at some point be part of his life, too. (Don't rush that, though.)
What's the alternative, keep it from him for a month or two, then out of the blue say, "Oh, uh, by the way, did I happen to mention that I, like, have a kid and stuff?"?
Any guy that would reject you because you are a mom isn't worth dating in the first place.
Thanks for the question.
Easier said than done, I think.......
Though I agree.
"Any guy that would reject you because you are a mom isn't worth dating in the first place."
I have mixed views on that. What if the guy just isn't ready to be a father/parental figure etc to some kid yet? But I do agree with Cary's advice about how you should tell someone upfront. My ex didn't tell me until months later, saying that it was his deepest, darkest secret because many women run from it and it would have been nice if he was just honest in the first place.
If he's not ready to be a father figure to "some kid" yet, he's not ready to be in my life. Plain and simple. Why would I want to waste time with someone who may bail out when he finds out I have a kid months later? I would have felt betrayed if I was dating someone who kept such a "deep, dark" secret from me. That just makes it seem like he's ashamed of being a dad, and doesn't actually see his kid very often anyways.
I don't think Cary was passing judgment on guys who aren't ready for committment on that level... I think he was saying it is worth it to invest the time and effort it'll take to start dating a guy that sees that as a deal breaker because it'll lead to the inevitable breakup.
I can totally respect someone who is upfront and says "you know, I'm not ready to be a dad to someone" - in many ways it seems more mature to me than saying "you have a kid? Awesome, kids like me!" and then freak out two months later because there really is a kid involved.
Play that mom card proudly…, it’s the most important job you will ever have!
seriously, couldn't have said it better than silky or cary. your first priority is to your kid, not your man. i know people say there are mixed thoughts on this, but there really isn't if your priorities are straight. if he is not "ready" to know about the most important thing in your life, adios muchachos. what are you going to do if he calls you up last minute to go out and you can't cuz you don't have a sitter? if you didn't hide it from him, "sorry i cant get a sitter short notice" is a lot easier, and more authentic then, "oh, uh, geez, short notice stuff not so good with me. uh, no i cant today for *insert weak reason here*" you just cant do it. unless you want the guy strictly for sex and sex only, and your child will never know about him anyway, then, yeah, you should tell him asap.
I kind of don't like the way you said, "He isn't worth dating." If a guy certainly isn't ready to date a woman who is a mother, then he certainly isn't worth it for the mother to spend energy on him because their relationship is basically doomed, but that doesn't mean he's a horrible person who doesn't deserve to be dated by anyone! Having kids being a dating deal breaker is completely within someone's rights.
You and your children are a package deal. Personally I think it's easier going into a relationship knowing. I married a man with lots of kids - knew before ever dating him. I saw him in the best light seeing him as an amazing dad with his children.
Had I found out later, I would be wondering what else important he was capable of keeping from me.