This is what goes through most grooms' minds during a lapdance. Get ready to have your mind blown!
-- Oh, they got a stripper for me. That's cool, I guess. Jen won't mind. She's super cool and she knows I love her and would never do anything stupid. Besides, you're supposed to get a lapdance during your bachelor party, right? I mean, I'd rather have stayed at the Lazer Tag place a little longer, or maybe gone bowling-- Ahem, I mean, Strippers! Beer!
-- Ugh, does she have to dance to Lady Gaga? This is really killing the mood for me. All I can think about is that weird video she did with Beyonce where she's wrapped in yellow caution tape for some reason. What about some Prince? Prince is the king of sexy music! Well, expect for "Batdance." That song wasn't sexy. But it was from Batman, so it's kind of awesome. Wait, what am I doing? Focus on the stripper!
-- Yeah, those are some fake boobs right there. Hello stretch marks! I wonder what those cost. I'm starting to miss Jen. I wonder what she's doing right now. Sigh. Well, I hope this party is helping this nice lady pay for nursing school or whatever.
-- Yikes, Ted is really drunk. I hope he goes easy at the wedding. My grandma will be there and all. That reminds me, I need to make sure Cousin Pat and Uncle Mike are sitting at different tables. I don't want a repeat of last Thanksgiving on my wedding day.
-- Oh it's over? That was quick. And now she's grinding on Ted. God, I hope he doesn't puke on her. I'm sure that'll cost extra. I need another Guinness. I wonder if it's too late for bowling. Can someone turn off the Lady Gaga? This is my bachelor party, after all.
-- Oh, they got a stripper for me. That's cool, I guess. Jen won't mind. She's super cool and she knows I love her and would never do anything stupid. Besides, you're supposed to get a lapdance during your bachelor party, right? I mean, I'd rather have stayed at the Lazer Tag place a little longer, or maybe gone bowling-- Ahem, I mean, Strippers! Beer!
-- Ugh, does she have to dance to Lady Gaga? This is really killing the mood for me. All I can think about is that weird video she did with Beyonce where she's wrapped in yellow caution tape for some reason. What about some Prince? Prince is the king of sexy music! Well, expect for "Batdance." That song wasn't sexy. But it was from Batman, so it's kind of awesome. Wait, what am I doing? Focus on the stripper!
-- Yeah, those are some fake boobs right there. Hello stretch marks! I wonder what those cost. I'm starting to miss Jen. I wonder what she's doing right now. Sigh. Well, I hope this party is helping this nice lady pay for nursing school or whatever.
-- Yikes, Ted is really drunk. I hope he goes easy at the wedding. My grandma will be there and all. That reminds me, I need to make sure Cousin Pat and Uncle Mike are sitting at different tables. I don't want a repeat of last Thanksgiving on my wedding day.
-- Oh it's over? That was quick. And now she's grinding on Ted. God, I hope he doesn't puke on her. I'm sure that'll cost extra. I need another Guinness. I wonder if it's too late for bowling. Can someone turn off the Lady Gaga? This is my bachelor party, after all.
Hilarious, Nick! I feel like I was there. Actually, I've seen a male stripper perform and it was almost exactly like this scenario, including the part about stretch marks. (!)
Even though I love some Gaga, I give this post a 10. It's got a good beat & I can dance to it!
Wasnt there, wouldnt know but seems real somehow!
hahaha nice, Nick!! I have to plan my best friend's bachelorette party and im pretty sure this is the scenario Im looking at.
thank you you just made a lot of new brides go a lot easier on their husbands about guilt trips - a lot of forgiveness because of your actions in typing a few healing words.it must be awesomme to be you
I love it! I really hope that this is really what goes on in the mind of most men at their bachelor parties! I was laughing the whole way through!
OMG! Are you serious...no guy would write this...this is so unfair to all the girls out there that want the honest truth...please next time have the balls to tell the truth...
Uh, except that's pretty much what happens. If you're getting more than a harmless lapdance, then you're a scumball who's throwing away his money and dignity on a $500 HJ.
Strip clubs are not whorehouses. Sure, you have fun, act like a jackass, and objectify some women for a few hours. But most guys aren't going to be doing more than getting a few lapdances with minimal touching. Anyone who claims to get more than that is full of s--t 97% of the time.
Keeping your emotional distance it awesome, which is what your story reflects, and most guys I agree can and will do this when in a relationship they want to be in. And my point wasn't about guys getting more, or that strip clubs are whorehouses. It's that for most girls it's a land that is foreign, and we want to know what really goes through your mind. Your story frustrated me, because there is more that goes through a guys mind under that emotional distance and it would be great to hear that side as well....
But what happens outside of the strip club...when bachelor parties are thrown at someone's home or a hotel room?
Psst... Manks... your trust issues are showing.
hahah u guys are so cool im glad i found this site, love it
If it's a guy's barchelor party he's usually more secure in his ability to get a woman (or guy) which he clearly has if he is getting married. SO during this right of pasage lapdance he most likely isn't thinking yeah i'm going to get lucky or sweet this girl is all over me. These men are more likely to be composed and no chalante with regards to the lap dance knowing exactly what it is, other guys may have different story lines, some may even include that feel awesome - which is probably followed by I wish ("Jen" to follow this story) would do that or I wonder how I can get jen to do that to me in the future...
Whats going through the strippers mind:
-- Ok, this bachelor looks uncomfortable but hopefully he will be cool about it. Ok dude, let’s just give them what they paid for and get through this together quickly! Why don’t the friends of the groom just admit this is for them and stop putting the groom through this ridiculous show where both of us have our minds on other things! Ahem, I mean, oh yeah baby... you like that?!
-- Ugh, why do I end up always having to dance to Lady Gaga, why can’t the booking agent/club dj pick something a little less weird. I mean what is up with that weird video she did with Beyonce where she's wrapped in yellow caution tape for some reason. What about some Prince? Prince is the king of sexy music! Cream... Honestly you can’t beat Cream or Get off for some great stripping music... that man was hot with is little heels. I wonder if he used to get them custom made? I wonder if he borrowed his girlfriends shoes... ?Wait, what am I doing? Focus on stripping!
-- Man, I wish I didn’t have stretch marks on my boobs. Hell I wish I didn’t feel I had to get boobs back when I first started dancing. But my boobs were just so small compared to everyone else’s... I didn’t even realise that I had boob envy till I started dancing.... Now all I do is stare at other women’s breasts trying to guess if they are real or not and how much they paid. At least my husband loved me before them, and after, stretch marks and all, sigh... I wonder what he’s doing now, probably curled up on the couch with the cat reading Wilbur Smith. Sigh. Well, I hope this party is helping this nice man realise just how lucky he is to be off the market, and have someone at home who loves him no matter what. Hope his friends tip well though, hmmmm...what shall I be a “student” of today?
-- Yikes, That guy Ted is really drunk. There’s always one though that will probably throw up on this poor groom’s grandma or something. That reminds me, I need to call in and see Gran, bring her those geranium clippings from my garden I promised, hopefully I won’t have to stay that long and listen to her complain about the “youth” of today with their sex and rock and roll. Good lord, better remember to cover my work bag better next time in the car, she would have a coronary if she’d seen my shoes in the back.
-- Ok, that’s it, times up, god that felt like FOREVER. Man now I have to go over to that Ted guy, God, I hope he doesn't puke on me or I’m charging extra, maybe I can call Ruby over, she’s better at handling the ‘hansy’ ones. I could do with a coffee or maybe a red bull as I’m all sweaty and gross now. I wonder if it's early enough to get off and do some late night bowling with the hubby. Can someone turn off the Lady Gaga? I’m the Stripper after all!
What a lovely day for a 165496! SCK was here