It helps to be straight up with people. If you want a guy to know he's in the "friendzone," the best way is to tell him you just want to be his friend... and then let him decide if he wants to just be your friend. Some guys have tons of friends, and don't need anymore.
Be upfront. It sucks in the short-term, but it's the best policy. Also: can we all agree that the "friendzone" isn't really a "zone" where all your besties hang out. It's a cold place far away where you banish people you don't want to suck face with.
Let the dude know what's up. It's a little cowardly to rely on cryptic insinuations, nods, and winks. I find people who communicate using "clues" to be annoying and immature. If the roles were reversed, and it was a lovelorn girl being lead on by a spineless dude who refused to let her know they didn't have a chance, I'm pretty sure he'd be branded a douche.
And yes, men can be "clueless," especially when the clues are opaque, or completely non-existent. There are some dudes who are "clueless" because they are self-absorbed. And some who are, bless their bro-hearts, just stupid. But generally, if you're plagued by a "clueless" guy in your life, you have to accept that you might bare a little responsibility for his state.
Give him a clue. And if he still doesn't get it, sit him down and lovingly solve the mystery for him.
Heh, your usage of opaque confused me, but in the context I'm pretty sure I got your drift.
So tiresome to play the guess that clue game. To be honest, I personally am so sick and tired of it that I'll ignore clues even when I do see them. Especially considering "cluing" is language of its own that can be very specific to the person. Same exact clue from one woman will mean "Piss off buddy" and another woman means "I don't want to be caught easy, keep pursuing" and a third woman wasn't giving a clue at all, she actually meant what she said!!!
So 100% absolutely sure, just tell the guy straight out. NO beating around the bush. If your game is hard to get, tell him that. Something like "No, but don't give up. I like to be persued!" If you want him to be friends ONLY say "I want to be your friend. Just that."
Just for clarification, you mean the friend zone doesn't include best friends or even good friends? Just those hazy half acquantince friends?
Well, the way I see it... guys really just put themselves in the friend zone if they dont want you. The've got around 3 weeks upon meeting me or like 3 periods of time being with me (whichever is longer) to make a move. If they dont want to be in the friend zone then they should ask us out or kiss us or something. If we reject these jestures then it sould be pretty clear what we want (or rather dont). I HATE it when guys just put themselves in the friend zone, and then 5 months later he just lays in on the that he wants me. THAT's mixed signals to me! I'm like be up front about what you want from me! If a guy's in my friend zone, he knows!
What if he truly had no feelings for you until he got to know you. I understand what you're saying but I don't think attraction can be so easily defined. I know that I do not get attracted to a man until I get to know him after a few months. Does this mean I shouldn't tell him my feeligns because it's sending him mixed signals? I don't think so. Before I didn't like him and now I did. Perhaps that is the way with some guys you've met too and they're just letting you know now.
Well I know its totally possible to realize someone is actually kind of attractive after knowing them for a while but I dont want someone to feel that way about me! i dont want someone who went I first met them went, "meh, dont want her (and possibly with shoulder shrugs during that statement) only to realize later that actually I'm pretty cool. I don't want someone who initially thought I wasnt good for them! I am a very out-going, friendly, adventurous girl, its not like im the kind of person you'd have to see a whole bunch of times to get a feel for.
If I'm going to be with someone, then there better be some good chemistry wihen we first meet. They better WANT me! It would make me feel undervalued to have someone need that much time to realize my awesomeness!
soz Rach, but that sounds like your ego talking. Put that aside if you want to make any meaninful and lasting connection with someone. Love takes time sometimes and the ones that start with friendship normally stand a better chance of going the distance.
Whoa, I hope it didnt come off that way, I'm not trying to be egotistical. I reread it and I was trying to write it in a funny, flippant manner but if you read it really seriously (and possibly in a depressed way?) then maybe you could see it that way.. I just dont want to be someone a guy settles for- which is what asking me out later feels like. I've tried to go out guys who have asked me out after being friends but its not the same. There's that time missing when you are getting to know each other and are nervous and sexually attracted that's just missing! Or I feel like we're kind of in a weird kind of "how serious are we" funk. THere's none of that get to know you stuff with a friend, it just jumps off into relationship-land. And, honestly, if I had really felt like hte guy and I could have made a good couple then i would have pursued him a bit when we first met... assuming we were both single of course.
All the meaningful relationships I've had are ones where me and a guy instantly connect and have this great chemistry. I just want to see him and I find myself laughing so much and loving the time I spend with this person from the beginning. I mean, if two people were actually compatible dont you think it should be more of an obvious thing than some slow growing affection?
You may think differently, but for me, I feel like there's either a connection or chemistry, or whatever you want to call it or there's not. To each their own!
Friendzone means different things. Some because he is a friend who you confide in,yet are not sexually attracted. Some guys get there because thewy are polite,timid,shy,afraid of losing a friend etc.
Very astute. I thought that my b/f had a thing for me a long time ago, but he is very shy and I guess he couldn't spit it out. For shy and timid guys, you almost have to give them 2x the time of the more outgoing people.
Good advice. I was hanging out with this one guy and could tell he was interested in me. I didn't like him "that way," and told him I just wanted to be friends. He was totally awesome and understanding about it. Now we've been married for eight years!
I don't want to give false hopes to guys in the "friend zone," but sometimes being friends first gives a woman some breathing room to really get to know the guy and realize she likes him -- without the sexual pressure and ticking clock that come with dating.
Another guy once told me that if I didn't want to date him, he couldn't see being friends with me. I get this, but it still made me feel like he thought I was *only* good enough to fuck. Like, why would you want to date someone you wouldn't want to be friends with? It killed any chance that I would date him in the future.
he said he that if you didn't want to date him then he couldn't see being friends with you? I took that differently than you did... sounds (to me) like he was saying that he really liked you and that he couldn't see himself as being JUST FRIENDS with you... as if it wouldn't be possibly for him to simply remain friends, he'd always want more...
I personally couldn't be "friends" with someone that I was crushing on, if they had made it perfectly clear to me that it could be nothing else..
I'd constantly be hoping that they'd suddenly discover that they wanted me too... or I'd always try reading things into innocent things, to try to give myself hope that perhaps they were changing their mind about remaining just friends.. it would just be torture, so I'd rather just end it, and save myself the heartache.
Or it could be that they get there because you have a BF at the time.
So what happens, then, when you're single again. Are they still in the "friend-zone" or not. I didn't think of the friend-zone as a banishment. I mean yes, for some guys it's that. But for others, it's just not the right time, so they (and you are probably in theirs too) are in your friend-zone for the time being. Like you would love to suck face with them, but there's other factors.
kind of a When Harry Met Sally situation.
So then there becomes the "pending zone" As in please wait while I process your application for this position. lol
What a lovely day for a 3809992! SCK was here