Not at all. That stupid, lazy, limp-dicked knuckle-dragger should know that such behavior is unacceptable. He needs to go f**k himself sideways. On his way straight to Hell.
Now how would he like it if you said the above to him?
All couples fight, of course, but there are rules even to fighting. One of those rules is to keep your temper and your tongue in check. The causes of a fight are quickly forgotten -- chalk most up to hunger, exhaustion, PMS or booze -- but nasty words said in anger are impossible to forget.
In many ways, verbal abuse can be as bad or even worse than physical abuse. I'd almost rather be slapped upside the head than have to listen to someone say horrible things about me that will bounce around in my noggin for years to come.
I've known people like your boyfriend. Some just have a bad temper, but others seem to think that it's okay to throw aside the gloves during a fight and say whatever they want because, hey, it's a fight and all will be forgotten and forgiven when you make up. Too bad real life doesn't work that way.
Yes, we've all said things in the heat of the moment that we later regret. None of us is perfect. There's a difference, though, between losing control once or twice and losing it every time you have a disagreement. And then defending it.
Now I'm going to say what you already know: your guy's bad temper doesn't bode well for your relationship. He needs to get a grip on his anger and you need to think about what the future holds. I'm sure you are aware that it's not a big leap over Abuse Creek from the verbal side to the physical side. If he hasn't made it already, he will, unless he realizes he's wrong and starts working to control his temper.
Talk like a girl. Gimme a fecking break.
Here's more info (and a handy list) about fair fighting. I've got him down for about 5 of these already.
Excellent answer! And Frankie says relax was the icing on the cake.
Get out now! This guy is an ass. Verbal abuse is NOT OK. Just ask my ex huasband how I feel about it. And such a cavalier attitude about your feelings makes it clear he's an insensitive jerkoff. He won't change, this won't get better, and your self esteem ain't exactly going to soar. And the Ass is right, physical abuse is right around the corner. Good luck!
Agreed - well said, Cary!
Excellent reply. Verbal abuse is definitely a warning sign of what might be ahead. Unless the boyfriend can learn to manage his anger, his temper, and his words, I would advise getting out of this relationship. Physical abuse is quite often just a step away from verbal abuse. If he really loves you, he won't treat you that way. You deserve better.
agreeing with what has been said already he needs a foot up his a** in the worst way. The only thing staying with someone like that is going to do for you is crush your self esteem and kill your spirit. I spent 4 long years with a dick like that and I want to punch myself repeatedly in the face for it.
In the immortal words of Jenny "Run Forrest, Run"
If your partner wants to carry on like a twat with his friends, that's one thing. But yelling and cursing at you? Eff that.
Him abusing you is a sure sign that he doesn't respect you nearly as much as you deserve. This kind of behaviour in a relationship is more than just unstable and unacceptable; it's a genuine warning sign. He lets his anger control him, and that is a very bad thing.
Real men respect their women. Get rid of this prick and find a man who will treat you like he should.
Remember that list of 15 ways you know he's a man that DeVore posted last week? He should have put your picture on it. :-)
Yes, take it from someone who learned this over and over again the hard way (every single f*ing time) that being cursed out by people who are supposed to love you the most is no way to live. Usually, it starts with being disrespectful, cussing you out, then it moves to hitting. It gets really hard covering the bruises all the time. Then they tell you they're sorry, it will never happen again, but it always does. Nowadays, if someone does anything that scares me, I'm gone.
Please dump this POS.
On the flip I have seen women who are just as bad (if not worse) when it comes to verbal smack downs . So remember it goes both ways. You shouldn't have to get into it verbally with him, if he continues leave..Its not worth it. If someone called me a bitch, I would show them a bitch... Not just any bitch, a bad bitch.
Great answer! Though I'm not sure which I liked more, the opening line, or Frankie says relax...
My Sister... heed the words above. I'm sure you're thinking your man is a great guy when you're not arguing... and he may be. But true is true. The difference between verbal abuse and physical is like the difference between whole milk and skim. By the time you figure out which one you swallowing, half the glass is gone.
Take it from a woman who had a good guy who was great except for those times when we fought. He only crossed the line once... but my face will be scarred forever.
"In many ways, verbal abuse can be as bad or even worse than physical abuse. I'd almost rather be slapped upside the head than have to listen to someone say horrible things about me that will bounce around in my noggin for years to come."
So true...
I'm in the same situation. He gets mad and curses and yells, then defends the way he talks by saing hes angry and of course he can talk to me that way. And I want to leave but I guess Im afraid to. I hope I can find the strength one od these days to leave him for good.
Hello, I'm kind of going through the same thing...and I feel so confused. I been with my bf for almost 4 years. Just last night we had an argument. He was upset because I didn't sleep over. I had to come back home because my dog has been feeling sick. He started yelling. ...cursing. I tell him to calm down. ..he told me to shut up....then I just stay quiet. All throughout the car ride...he was yelling, cursing, screaming about how I don't make sense. Meanwhile I'm in the passenger seat holding my tears of anger just looking out the window. Every time I would talk he would talk over me. Then, there's a moment of silence and he proceeds by saying "look I'm sorry if I yelled at you, but you get mlike this". Blaming it on me. He's always like this, I don't recognize him when hes angry. It makes me sick when he acts that way. And now he's completely ignoring me, not calling. ...nothing. ....im clueless. Please help.
Hello, I'm kind of going through the same thing...and I feel so confused. I been with my bf for almost 4 years. Just last night we had an argument. He was upset because I didn't sleep over. I had to come back home because my dog has been feeling sick. He started yelling. ...cursing. I tell him to calm down. ..he told me to shut up....then I just stay quiet. All throughout the car ride...he was yelling, cursing, screaming about how I don't make sense. Meanwhile I'm in the passenger seat holding my tears of anger just looking out the window. Every time I would talk he would talk over me. Then, there's a moment of silence and he proceeds by saying "look I'm sorry if I yelled at you, but you get mlike this". Blaming it on me. He's always like this, I don't recognize him when hes angry. It makes me sick when he acts that way. And now he's completely ignoring me, not calling. ...nothing. ....im clueless. Please help.
i have experienced that one....being blamed afterwards as though I caused the anger...the funny thing is I don't take it to that level with him, mainly because I love and respect him so it wouldn't make any sense...but if I didn't care so much I probably would let the curses fly because it wouldn't matter one way or the other if he got mad,...he may love you and act fine most of the time, but when tempers are lost and vulgar language comes out it's a general sign of disrespect...he doesn't value you as much as you do him...that imbalance will lead to problems always as YOU will be the one forced to settle to appease his temper tantrums, and he probably won't care that you don't get what you want or need, so long as he does...think about it
Ive been with my bf for 3 years now. He comes from an abusive background (his Dad) and when we have a disagreement he explodes like a bomb. He always tells me to shut up, calls me a f*** b**ch, wh**re etc.
He admits to possibly struggling with depressions and promises to get help but never really does it. Last week I got back from a girls holiday only and when we have another disagreement (minor) he told me that I just got back from a holiday where I was acting like a f**** sl*t and f***** around (so not true, I was in touch with him everyday, telling him how much I missed him).
The next day he spoke to me like nothing happened so I obviously was still upset about his harsh words and expected at least an apology! How wrong of me to be waiting for one! He said he had nothing to apologise for and that I was being a dick.
That starting doing nice things and 2 days later I started to believe that this was his way of apologising until this morning when he told me to f*** off again because I voiced my opinion on a piece of furniture.
I can be quite fairy and I hate when people treat me bad, I always stand up for myself but with him I feel trapped?! Why do I always go back to him for more abuse? He can be really sweet but he tells me that I bring the worst out of him? And when I tell him how he hurts me, he says I am too sensitive and need to toughen up. I remember how he once told "treat them mean, keep them keen" Why am I so good at giving advise to girls with a similar problem but can't help myself? The though of not being with him is making me REALLY sad...what's wrong with me? :(
I am divorced and in my 40's. My boyfriend has been very verbally abusive (lately). He has called me a b****, a liar, and a general piece of sh**. He calls my children from my first marriage demons and evil. This has been going on since shortly after Thanksgiving.
He used the excuse of being angry and upset about other things, but I really didn't like it last night when he said my kids were demons. Yes they have anger issues as a result of the divorce, but they are in counseling and getting much better. So now I want to leave him, but he is kind of a control freak and I am afraid now especially after the statement that verbal abuse often is a small shot to physical abuse.
If anyone has any advice on how to leave him behind without rousing his anger, I would greatly appreciate it. My ex-husband was neve like this and actually we treat each other respectfully so I am not sure how to deal with this situation.
Thanks
Hello... I recently ended a relationship with a man that I still love with all my heart. Why? He was verbally abusive... He could be the sweetest man alive when he was not stressed out and when he was sober. Once I kind of flirted with a guy and gave him reasons not to trust me again.... However, nothing happened between that guy and me... Every time we would get upset, we started calling me a w** and a sl** and all kinds of stuff. The point is, no jealousy makes this ok... If he really thought I was all those stuff, we had the right to leave me, I kind of deserve it for flirting... But if He wanted to stay with me I shouldn't tolerate that... Then One day we got really upset he make me cry... I tried to shut my hears off for me not to hear him while he was driving and insulting me... At a point in that flight he thought I would spill something and he told me, that If I did that, I would have to clean it with my mom's, my dad's and my face... Also, one day we had a disagreement and I kind of went running to our room for him not to see me crying and he started calling me to go over to him... I didn't and he said that I needed to learn how to obey... OBEY!!! Once, he told me that my problem was that I thought I own myself... I knew I this was wrong, but because I loved him I stayed in a 3 yrs relationship... Now that I wouldn't go back to him he says he misses me, that I am his soulmate, that he loves me... That he remembers me in everything he does... And he knows he was wrong and he shouldn't have said all the things he said and did... But, the voices in my head... I can still hear him saying all those things...
Fuck these guys! No no no! Run from them girls their out to get you, if it's hard for you to leave them is only because their words have penetrated your self esteem, heart and soul. :( drag yourselfs out this whole, girls they don't love, they just like to feel empowered and the target is fragile women. Fuck them , pray girls. Don't let a bastard crush your character. You will lose everything including the purpose of life :( save yourselfs
I am in a very similar same situation... I never once thought I would EVER be in this situation...It's seriously blows my mind!! I was raised in a good home with loving christian parents, who treated each other with respect and kindness. They had there little disaggreements just like any other couple,but
they never once called each other names, other than saying the other person was being rude or frustrating them when they had a little disagreements.But all in all they had and have a respectful, loving, and healthy 27 year relationship. God was there center. What's funny is that both my momand dad grew up in an abusive homes. My mother's mom was neglectful and an alcohol, and my father's dad was extremely emotionally, verbally, and even physically abusive, and an alcoholic as well. My point is they both grew up in unhealthy abusive homes. But both refused to never allow themselves to be involved with nor abuse others in their realtionship, including their choldren (aka me and my 4 other siblings). They did this by truly giving their lives over to God and submitting to his will. Jesus changed everything!My dad has now been a minister and a Christian pastor for the past 28 years. In the end, what held them together through major life stressor was Jesus Christ.So any man who blames his out of control temper and abusive behaviors on his past or even women who make excuses for his horribly wrong bahavior on his upbringing are choosing to be ignorant.Of course children learn by example and what they have seen while growing up and will have more tendicies to mimic this abusive cycle, however BEHAVIOR IS A CHOICE!!! They chose to lose themselves to their temper, do be disrespectful, to degrade you, call you names, and to lay their hands on you. It's not tha they can not help it, I assure you they can! But by continueing to accept this abuse is in essence, reinforcing their horrible and unnacceptable bahavior. No matter how har you try you cannot change anyone! They have to want to change themselves. All you can do for that person is play for them and insist they get help and lots of repeated couseling. Change is a choice that happens over time, not over night.
With me growing up in a healthy home, it's very strange to admit that I myself have been in an abusive realtionship. Although I know I am physically very beautiful, I have struggled with extreme self exteem issues, low self worth, eating disorders, and depression my whole life (20 years)
which I believe were in part due to sexual abusive I recieved as a child. My parents never knew and still do not. What started out with subtle manipulation and control, turned to my boyfriend yelling and screaming at me at the top of his lungs, and even cursing at me when he was angered, to over-riding me whenever I tried to respond to his allegations and accusations, to refusing to apologize when he was clearly wrong and always blaming other (me) for anything and everything. His extreme self esteem issues led to to become extremely jealous of other guys, activities that took his time away from him, and even my female best friends, and all the male attention I received made him crazy. He blamed me when guys came up and hit on me. He forbid me to hang out with any male friends even though I am in love with him and would never even consider cheating on him or anyone for that matter... Finally although I thought it never would come to this, one night we got into an intense fight and when I tried to leave to blocked my way, and repeateldly shoved and pushed me when i tried to get past him. He would shove me so hard I would fly across the room, he held me down on the bed and restrained me while i tried to get up and even snatched my phone away so I couldnt call anyone to come pick me up. He refused to give it back and shoved me when I tried to get it. When my hair got caught inbetween our hands fighting for the phone, he didnt let go. He rather pull my hair then give me my phone back. After that night I was forced to realize the blatant truth. I am in an abusive relationship. I refused to talk to him for about a week, he apologized profusely, cried, and even begged. Against better judgment, instead of leaving right them like I said I would, I gave him a second and final chance by giving him an ultimatum, get help or I'm gone. Since then he is in repeated theapy and couseling every week and in addition is taking anger managment classes. Although I know it will completely break my heart to leave him, I finally realize now that although I love him, NO realitionship or amount of love I have for him is worth abuse. I have also to come realize that time truly does heal things. So although it will probably be the hardest thing I will ever have to do, I know I can and will end it if my boyfriend is unable to truly change. I know that is not God's plan for my life. I also know if I had been following God in the beginning, I would have never gotten involved with Eric in the first place. However he has made some huge steps to change by spending alot of money and time to get help so I know he truly does love, that is definitely a step. However, if despite this extemely merciful second chance and opportunity I have given him he fails to truly change, I know now that with God's help I will have the strength to leave him. After all I am a beautiful and intellegent young women and deserve to be treated as such. God has someone out there for me, who will love and protect me and never harm me. If Eric can't become that man, God has the right one for me. Right now I realy need to get my heart right with God, and am praying that God will save my Eric as well..I am going to take my realtionship with Eric as either a way to relate to and help others in the same situation after I leave him, or as a testimony of how God's love can change anyone and any situation.Either way, I am choosing to take a poitve from a negative. It's in God's hands now.