BECAUSE YOU SAID NOTHING WAS WRONG! Sorry, I'm just used to screaming that; hard to break old habits. The situation you're describing is the basis of like 80% of stand-up comedy, and it's not changing anytime soon.
Women want us to know what they're thinking. We don't, because the most complex our emotional interactions get is giving our buddy a pat on the back after he eats a whole thing of nachos, and chaos ensues.
It's a gross oversimplification, but as your question proves, is clearly still in play for many couples. It's a communications disconnect, and it can lead to many a frustrating mess. I'm not sure there's a good solution other than building a relationship strong enough to weather the occasional storm.
And let's be honest: sometimes you want us to follow you, and sometimes you genuinely want us to screw off. And guess what? Your facial expression is identical in either case. Yes, we know something's wrong, but we have no clue what to do to fix it, especially when our perspective is warped by our own strong feelings (yep, we have those too).
So my advice would be to make like the misanthropic mountain-climbers and give each other a lot of slack.
Because girls who lie about something being wrong and then expect their boyfriend to assume that theyre lying and jump through hoops to find out what dumb thing is upsetting them are not worth that effort. Its annoying. (Speaking as a woman who actually wants men to take her at her word, every time.)
Damn straight, brynneth!
I am a person who says what she means, and I appreciate it when other people do the same (I now refuse to date individuals who don't.)
Why is being straight-forward such a difficult concept for so many? Life is complicated enough without proper communication. Let's help each other out, folks! One can be honest and tactful at the same time. It is a difficult skill to learn; but once you do, it becomes HIGHLY useful.
Here's to more happiness to mankind, and less drama!
Damn straight, brynneth!
I am a person who says what she means, and I appreciate it when other people do the same (I now refuse to date individuals who don't.)
Why is being straight-forward such a difficult concept for so many? Life is complicated enough without proper communication. Let's help each other out, folks! One can be honest and tactful at the same time. It is a difficult skill to learn; but once you do, it becomes HIGHLY useful.
Here's to more happiness to mankind, and less drama!
Agreed! To both of you. When I say "Nothing's wrong," and the guy keeps bugging me what is, it is SO annoying. I'm not upset right now, but keep it up and I will be.
And if something is wrong, but I say "please leave me alone" I mean it. Leave me alone. Let's not talk about it or try to figure it out; stop hugging me and trying to give me advice when you have no clue what's the matter. I'm hanging with you and not talking about my problem because I want you to cheer me up and help me forget it.
The guys are all screwed up now because of women like the OP!
I'm in total agreement with you! I generally looked pissed if I'm not smiling so I CONSTANTLY get "What's wrong? Nothing? No, honey, there is something wrong" from all previous boyfriends. What they quickly learn is when I say "whatever, fine," then it's time to play the guessing game (although when the pissed-off expression is uttered, there was something that JUST preceded it to warrant it). If I say "nothing" I really mean nothing OR something was just said that slightly pissed me off and I don't feel like bringing it up because it would just spark a small, unnecessary fight. Seriously ladies, men cannot read minds. Quit trying to foster that elusive and impossible talent and just freakin' tell him!
I think both parties in a relationship should always remember that their partner is not a mind-reader or an expert on body language (probably). Saying that nothing is wrong when something is wrong almost always brings about some kind of drama, most notably the "why didn't he/she try to find out what's wrong?" attitude that the asker seems to represent. No two people are always on the same page, and it's easy for them to get on such different wavelengths that one's world can be falling down around them and the other is still walking on sunshine. Talk to one another, or at least write passive-aggressive notes or something. Relationships don't function without words.
To the questioner, you have to understand that guys are socialized differently than us girls. If you say nothing is wrong, likely he'll respect your sentiment and give you space. Presumably he would do the same for anyone he really cared about. This isn't disinterest, it's about allowing you to work things out for yourself, which he could assume you want to do.
If something is wrong and you need advice and comfort, speak up. Expecting the guy to be a mind-reader isn't fair to either of you, and he's not going to think any less of you if you come to him for help or even just emotional support (if he does he's a douche). You're with him for a reason. Hopefully more than one. But he's not going to pry it out of you like your mother would. He'll probably just wait for you to tell him, like your dad or your little brother. Think about it.
UGH!!! i HATE when other girls do that sh*t!!! Just say something else god damn it!!! is it really that hard to just tell them or say "i don't want to talk about it right now"? why lie to them, then get mad at them for actually believing you?!?! "omg my boyfriend actually believes what im telling him, what an D*ck!" get over yourself and open up to him! stop getting mad for pety sh*t!!!!
I started writing exactly what you said and then I saw your post was identical(the "UGH!" part). So I shall just say "Amen" and move on.
Open, honest communication in any relationship is key. If something is wrong, tell him. If you want him to help, tell him. If you want him to leave you alone, tell him. Sometimes people genuinely want to be left alone, so if you tell him "I want to be left alone", he will figure that this is one of those times. Just be honest. How can you ever build trust if you demand that your partner assume that you're lying?
This isn't rocket surgery!